Thank you.

Hell, yeah, he's 10.

Surprised me too.

Yeah, they found me.

And it's not what you think. I didn't discover that I had a lost child.

It's just that I hooked up with a beautiful woman who had a pre-started family.

So basically I became a stepfather, you know, I just took over the payments.

Best part for me is that my new son looks exactly like me.

He's fluffy too.

10 years old, 162 pounds.

Yeah, he's a little damn!

And he's the cutest kid.

You talk to him, his name is Frankie, like, "Frankie, what do you like to do?"

"I like microwave burritos and PlayStation."

"Me too."

Only problem is, he wakes up earl,y five o'clock every morning.

"Gabriel."

"What?"

"I'm hungry."

"Me too. Make something."

And he does.

I can hear him in the kitchen making Hot Pockets, you know, freaking--

And he opens the door and doesn't close it and the whole house's freaking --

Oh.

"Hot Pocket." Delicious!

Oh my God, and he's so cute because right now he's going through puberty and I think it's hysterical.

His mom doesn't think so.

She's like, "No," I go, "Yeah, I caught him checking out a girl."

"How do you know?" "I was looking at her too."

She was hot.

And I told my girl, I said, "Baby, don't worry if he has any questions, I'll be the man. I'll take care of it because I went through puberty at 10."

And she's like, "Oh, thank you."

I said, "Don't worry, I took care of it."

You know, hey, I went through puberty at 10. I understand.

Plus, I had cable, so it was hard core, you know.

You know, what's the difference now is that now you can program channels not to work.

You couldn't do that 20 years ago.

You couldn't block a kid unless you stayed up.

My mom knocked out at 10 and right around 11:45.

"The following program has not been raided by the Motion Picture Association of America due to its graphic sexual content. Viewer discretion is advised."

I was 10 years old. I lost my mind.

I'm sitting on that couch; all of a sudden...

"Are you ready?"

"Uh huh, oh, yeah." "Oh, yeah."

"Oh, yeah. "Yeah."

"Are you ready?" "I'm done."

And you know what's crazy is I know what's happening at my house now because one night I heard "Yeah."

"What's he doing?" "Becoming a man."

And I was curious, I'm like, I wonder what he's watching.

So I started flipping through my channels, trying to find something that would spark interest.

Sure enough, he's watching Cinemax.

Uh, and I know that's what he's watching--

The guy is clapping.

Hell, yeah.

Cochino--yeah, I know.

I know that's what he's watching because out of my TV, I'm getting direct sound and then I'm getting like, a little delayed echo down the hall, you know.

So, it's like, "Yeah." "Yeah."

"Yeah." "Yeah."

I saw him the next morning. I said, "What were you doing last night?"

"I was playing Nintendo."

"Yeah, whatever. You're playing.'whee'."