I having trouble because of your fake chimney.

因為你的假煙囪，我遇到了麻煩。

Why you don't get a real chimney?

為什麼沒有真正的煙囪？

I know a guy, I'll hook you up...

我認識一個人，我幫你搭線...

Wait. How did you get in?

你是怎麼進來的？

Did you use magic?

你用了魔法嗎？

I'm an engineer during the weekdays.

平日裡，我是一名工程師。

Oh, thank you.

哦，謝謝。

You don't have to make me cookies.

你不用給我做餅乾的。

Are you sure you're Santa? You look different from last year.

你確定你是聖誕老人嗎？你看起來和去年不一樣了。

I'm Asian Santa.

我是亞洲聖誕老公公。

Nick has a doctor's appointment today, so I'm filling in for his job.

聖誕老人尼克今天要去看醫生，所以我就代替了他的工作。

Guy works only one day a year.

這傢伙每年只工作一天。

I don't know why he put his...

我不知道他為什麼把他的...

It's not even nighttime.

還沒到晚上呢。

I'm Asian. I come to work early.

我是亞洲人，我上班早到。

Wait, does that mean Rudolph is outside?

等等，這是不是意味著馴鹿魯道夫在外面？

I drove my Tesla.

我開我的特斯拉來的。

I thought kids in Asia didn't believe in Santa.

我以為亞洲的孩子不相信聖誕老公公。

That's because they make the toys.

那是因為玩具是他們做的。

Okaaay.

好的。

Let's see how you've been this year...

讓我們看看你今年過得怎麼樣...

Oh, is that the Naughty and Nice List?

那是「壞孩子還是好孩子清單」嗎？

No, it's a costume prop.

不，這只是服裝道具。

We use iPad now.

我們現在用 iPad。

Much more streamlined workflow... you know, high efficiency.

工作流程更加簡化，效率更高。

Corporate wanted to improve production, so...

公司希望提高產量。

Ah, here you are... "Steven," why you on the Failure List lah?

在這「史蒂芬」，你為什麼在「失敗清單」上？

What'd you do?

你做了什麼？

Haiyah, you on Forbes 30 Under 30?

哎呀，你在富比世 30 位 30 歲以下精英裡？

Why not 10 Under 10?

為什麼不是 10 位 10 歲以下精英？

Timmy got 1 Under 1.

Timmy 就在 1 位 1 歲以下精英裡。

He was born, made his first million dollars on his way home from the hospital.

他出生，在從醫院回家的路上就賺到了他的第一百萬美元。

Okay, let's see...

好的。讓我們看看...

Where's your letter leh?

你的信呢？

Here we go...

好喔...

Uh, "Steven," yes.

「史蒂文」對。

"Dear Santa, I want a PS4..." wrong.

「親愛的聖誕老人，我想要一台 PS4」錯。

"... and with Spider-Man 2..." wrong.

「... 和蜘蛛人 2...」錯。

"... and a Nintendo Switch." wrong.

「... 還有一台任天堂 Switch。」錯。

"Thank you very much." Correct.

「非常感謝您。」正確。

Okay, look, I'm gonna have to give you a B-, okay?

好的。聽著，我必須給你給你 B-，好嗎？

This practically the Unemployed Starter Pack.

這根本就事失業入門包。

Watches Youtube once, now you think you're Pokimane.

看過一次 Youtube，現在你認為自己是 Pokimane。

Okay, here you go.

好了，給你。

My gift is an accounting book?

我的禮物是一本會計書？

Your gift is a good job.

你的天賦就是一份好工作。

But I also want a gaming laptop...

但我還想要一臺電競筆電...

What da hell you say?

你說什麼？

'Cause it's ahhh...

因為...

I'm interested in computer engineering.

我對電腦工程感興趣。

Oh, you scared me.

哦，你嚇到我了。

I almost called the Beijing Embassy.

我差點給北京大使館打電話。

Good, good.

很好，很好。

That's a good choice.

這是個不錯的選擇。

Computer engineers make a lot of money.

電腦工程師會賺大錢。

Nice, here you go. - Awesome!

不錯。給你。- 讚啦！

Also I have for you a bag of rice, a Kumon subscription and a Starbucks apron so you can apply for a job to...

此外，我還為你準備了一袋米、一個公文式會員和一條星巴克圍裙，這樣你就可以申請工作來...

... buy fun stuff!

... 買有趣的東西！

To invest in an index fund which tracks the overall movement of the market.

來投資追蹤市場整體走勢的指數基金。

Now, remember, time in the market better than timing the market, okay.

請記住，在市場上把握時機比把握市場時機更好，好嗎？

Dollar cost averaging a good place to start.

美元成本平均是一個很好的起點。

Also, don't forget to open a Roth IRA account, where your contributions can grow tax-free.

另外，不要忘記開設羅斯 IRA 退休帳戶，你的捐款可以免稅增長。

What's retirement?

什麼是退休？

Oh, retirement?

退休？

Oh, that's after you work 40 years in a job you hate so you save enough money to do things you love, like, I don't know, painting like music or theater...

退休就是你在一份你討厭的工作上工作了 40 年之後，你存了足夠的錢去做你喜歡的事情，比如，我不知道，畫畫，比如音樂或戲劇…

I know! I'll skip all that and become an actor today.

我知道！我今天會跳過這一切，成為一名演員。

What da hell you say?

你說什麼？

Hello, Beijing Embassy.

你好，北京大使館。

This kid aspires to be homeless.

這孩子渴望當個流浪漢。

If I want to see another unemployed actor, I subscribe to my own channel.

如果我想看另一個失業演員，我會訂閱自己的頻道。

But Ke Huy Quan just won an Oscar, so...

但關繼威最近剛獲得了奧斯卡獎，所以...

I don't know, maybe I can do it too.

我不知道，也許我也能做到。

He has talent.

他很有天賦。

You have dandruff.

你只有有頭皮屑。

Now, remember, give up your dreams, study hard, go be an engineer and you can thank me later, okay?

請記住，放棄你的夢想，努力學習，去當一名工程師，你以後會感謝我的，好嗎？

Okay, I see you next year.

好吧，明年見。

Okay, see you!

好的，再見！

(Steven studied and got accepted to Harvard.)

（史蒂文學習並被哈佛錄取。）

(He then went to work for Google.)

（然後他去谷歌工作。）

(He drove Mercedes Benz in an upsacle neighborhood.)

（他在一個高檔社區開著賓士車。）

(And he rretired at 62 and finally got a PS5.)

（他 62 歲退休，終於得到了一台 PS5。）

Just kidding.

開玩笑而已。

I'm a YouTuber.

我是一名 YouTuber。

Subscribe and happy holidays.

訂閱我的頻道，並祝你佳節愉快！

We'll see you next year.

我們明年再見。

Nick only works one day a year.

尼克每年只工作一天。

Lazy bastard.

懶鬼。