Now look, I am not a relationship expert.

Go ask my girlfriend. She would definitely agree.

"Hey, Clark, watch your own videos."

But I am honest and I've read 50 to 100 books on the subject because I think it's infinitely fascinating, isn't it?

How about three of the best tips I've ever heard on relationships.

Right off the bat, one of the best tips is avoid getting into a relationship in the first place.

Let me explain.

Here's something scary.

A lot of relationships seem to just be based on momentum.

"Oh, he talked to me. So I guess we're going out."

"Oh, we went out so I guess we'll start dating."

"Oh, we're dating, I guess we'll move in together."

"Oh, we moved in together, that means we should date, uh, until we're married."

"Oh, now we're engaged, we'll get married and have kids and then whatever."

So many times we base our who, like who we're gonna marry, who we're in a relationship from, on momentum.

And it's these three reasons you should be very careful for, of just letting the momentum sweep you away.

So, for our first point, it's avoid these three reasons right here.

I got these from an article written by Mark Manson.

Mark's article synthesized 1500 married couples advice for relationships.

Here are the three wrong reasons to marry someone or stay in a relationship with them.

You are marrying someone to make you less lonely.

You got pressured into it.

Friends, family.

That's what everyone else is doing.

My biological clock's running out so I might as well get married.

I'm tired of dating. So, you know, I guess that'll do.

And the third is thinking love is the only thing that matters.

Now. This is very interesting.

It's actually our next point and I don't mean to crush the hopes and dreams of all the hopeless romantics out there.

Love is important.

It's also an ambiguous term.

You know, some people's definition of "they don't love me" is literally they're behaving in a way that's not 100% what I want all the time.

That's not love, that's control.

Most people's definition of love is very short-term.

It's very instant gratification.

It's very obsessive.

And what's scary is that, that is the first phase of love and then if that goes away or I guess runs out, people think that, "Oh my God, I made a mistake. I shouldn't be married," and they divorce.

Or they split or they separate.

Here's the next point.

Some of the best relationship advice that I ever received: love is important, but it's half the battle.

You know what's crazy about love is that in love feeling that most people are going after and they want that to last like, happily ever after for 50, 60 years, that actually occupies the same parts of the brain that light up as hard drugs.

I'm not saying that in a bad way.

I'm just saying that to put in perspective how like obsessive and addictive that can be if you've ever been in the first month, three months of a relationship and wondered, "Wow, why does it feel like I'm obsessed with this person?" because it's like a hard drug.

No wonder we want that to last forever.

And when that runs out, you know, we're looking around for that next hit, next hit, and I think that we mistake that in-love feeling right there as like if that's gone, then this thing is over to hell in a hand basket. I'm out of here.

What's also crazy about that in-love feeling is I was reading in some articles and books that it reduces the negative filtering in your brain.

So you literally put on rose colored glasses.

That's where that term comes from.

Meaning that you can overlook things that are red flags are huge, glaring flaws in someone or a potential partner because that in-love phase chemical is going on.

It's like, again, you're on drugs.

Yeah. Sure. He has a temper and a drinking problem and you know, he cheated on his last two girlfriends, but he just does something to me I can't explain.

Not seeing the logical parts or the logical flaws in someone is because literally that in-love phase is hi jerking your brain.

So, where am I going with this?

Well, the second piece of advice that's the best out there is that love is half the battle, the other half is compatibility, and love and compatibility are not the same thing and you can't conflate the two.

Sometimes you actually fall in love with people you are not compatible with or sometimes you're really compatible with people that, you know, you're not in love with.

And if you only go after this and you never prioritize the compatibility factor, when this fades away, you're gonna be left with someone that you're super incompatible with and no wonder that didn't work.

You want the truth?

Fallen in love can be pretty easy.

The right circumstance, the right like environment, the right life settings, maybe the right amount of alcohol.

Why is it?

You look on reality shows that are based around love and there's people on there that are head over heels in love and then, you know, a month later they're falling apart.

Love is Blind on Netflix or something or The Bachelor is a good example because those manufactured situations, I don't doubt that they weren't in love.

Being in love is kind of easy; falling in love doesn't really take much skill and that's ok, that's not negative.

Love is abundant.

I believe love is your natural state.

Love is what you want to give to people.

Look, the main point is that you can fall in love with people that you're not compatible and it's hard to see it when you're in the weeds.

But you know this. Have you ever seen your friends or family, and you're an objective, third-party point of view,

so you look at them, they're with someone that's totally not good for them.

They're totally not compatible with.

And you're thinking, "What is going on? Show up to the family reunion with this?"

That's because you're not the one in love, so you can objectively see it.

"Maybe not compatible." Does that makes sense?

One of the most important things that when they survey happily married couples that comes up is the point that love is a choice.

Just like you choose to get up and you go to the gym every day if you're a healthy person.

You've made that commitment, it's a choice. Just like some people say happiness, it's actually a choice.

Just like we talk about on this channel that your beliefs create reality.

That is a choice.

You can choose beliefs that influence your actions and influence your reality.

Love is a choice.

Commitment is a choice.

Not look for something better in a world that, you know, there's just endless options.

One app away that's literally conditioned everyone to just swipe swipe, swipe, swipe swipe, something better is on the way, something better is on the way, something better is on the way.

I don't know. If you're always looking for the next thing that's better, maybe we'll just have 53 month relationships and they'll feel kind of shallow.

Look, do whatever you want.

I'm not judging you.

I'm not lecturing you here.

But if what you really want is that lasting long term, remember that love and compatibility are two different things.

And that really brings us to our last piece of advice.

I saved the best for last.

Again, in the world where there's endless options, one swipe away.

I think we're conditioned to look for the right person.

Can you hear that?

I just haven't found Mr. Right.

I haven't found the one.

I haven't found anyone who matches my energy or my style or my needs or my bucket list.

So here's the thing that's crazy.

My whole view on relationships shifted in one sentence.

You know what that was?

Stop trying to look for the right person and start training to become the right person because here's the thing.

Tens, attract tens.

I don't just mean looks wise, I mean, energetically, lifestyle wise, communication wise, value wise, job wise, social circle wise and you don't attract what you want.

I believe you attract who you are. When you raise yourself up, this is control.

You can control and work on yourself. When you raise yourself up to like a level eight or nine or whatever arbitrary number you want to get to and you used to be out of five, don't you think your options are gonna be better?

Don't you think the people you attract into your life that come into your life are gonna be better?

Absolutely.

It doesn't take rocket science.

And again, maybe we're raised to think that we deserve anyone, anytime, anywhere without actually working on ourselves, which is why I'm so passionate about this kind of inner work that we talk about on this channel and that I know you're into as well.

I think it's one of the best things you can do to attract people into your life: working on yourself.

I was watching this interaction on YouTube.

It was like one of those viral clips from a podcast or something.

And this guy who was a dating relationship coach was talking to this woman.

He was talking about this same issue, how she couldn't find Mr Right.

He was asking her, "Okay, well, what, who is Mr Right?"

And she had a list.

She said he's over 6 ft tall, he makes over six figures a year, he's got a six-pack and he owns a house.

And the dating coach is like, "Wow, that's a tall order man. Let me ask you this, what does he get in return?"

And she was like, "Well, um," he was pretty ruthless.

He kind of tore her apart.

But the key message there was stop trying to demand something that you're not willing to give up.

Like attracts like and look, this is both men, women.

Let's just say you attract someone who's like a 10 up here while maybe we're a five.

Internally, you're gonna be like, "Yes, I lucked out. I did it."

And then maybe over the long term, you're gonna feel insecure that they're gonna leave you because they're out of your league or worthiness issues come up now: you don't deserve them.

Something I see super common here is with men, they go online for this dating and pick up advice.

OK?

And hey, look, nothing wrong there, trying to better yourself in the dating field.

You know, you want to know what to say.

It sucks getting rejected.

So that pain drives you to obsess over like these lines or, or, ok, how do I interact with women?

I work with some of these guys.

To have very attractive women, now these guys go out into uh you know, bars or they meet these women and you know, they, they date them.

But then something interesting happens to them.

Now that they got this woman or they attracted this woman, they feel like a phony because they used all the lines and all the gimmicks to get this person.

And so now they have a different block which is a worthiness block or an authenticity block or a self doubt block because they're like,

"Wow, did I get this person? Does she like me or did she like the lines I just regurgitated off that YouTube video."

Did I get this person on the date? Like because I'm here and was just the witty pickup line I saw on a TikKok video of send these lines to this girl and she'll go on a date with you.

And same thing works in reverse; all these games that we play all the worthiness blocks, all those doubts go away when you stop playing the games altogether when you drop them and stop trying to like fake your way into confidence or fake your way into looking like a 10.

And you just focus on becoming the 10 and doing that inner work. Just like you don't need to Photoshop yourself if you just get to the gym and you lose the weight.

But again, we live in a society that doesn't want to put in the work.

And now I'm like five points removed from the original point, real back in car.

Stop trying to look for the right person and start trying to become that right person.