My girlfriend saw the letter, she's like, "Oh, your reunion?"

I go, "Yeah, my reunion."

"When is it? When are we going?"

"Um, actually I was, I was gonna take my friend Tony because you know, we went to high school together. He's my best friend since high school. So I was gonna take Tony."

You're gonna take Tony instead of me. That's what's gonna happen, huh? You're gonna take Tony instead of me, your girlfriend. You're gonna take Tony.

No, it's okay. It's okay. You take Tony, OK? And I hope you have a great time."

"Oh, thanks. I knew you'd understand, baby. I love you."

Don't ask too many questions, you know what I mean?

So my buddy, Tony and I, we go to a high school reunion.

We get there early, too early.

There's nobody in the banquet hall.

So we go upstairs to the bar area, we're watching a basketball game.

Everything is cool until some guy recognized me.

"Hey, you're the comedian."

"What's up, dude?"

"Dude, funny, bro. Let me buy you a shot."

"Actually, man. I have a reunion right now and, and I don't wanna show up drunk."

"Oh, I see how it is, bro. You're too good, huh? That's what it is, huh? Excuse me, George Lopez."

"Let's do the stupid shot."

"All right Bartender, shot."

So he freaking makes a double and we freaking cling, cling and slammed it.

I'm like, "Oh, thank you, man. Thank you."

"Let's do another one. " "Hey, man, I'm okay. Thank you."

"See how it is. Paul Rodriguez."

"Let's do another shot."

And he kept this pattern going. He must have had like seven comedians behind his freaking wallet, you know.

One after another. I got so drunk I could, it was a level of drunk where you can't even walk straight.

You gotta look at the ground to navigate, you know, you just kind of.

I get to the reunion. There's a lady at a table and she's got stickers on the table that say "Hello, my name is ___"

And then with a sharpie, you write your name.

I was so drunk I couldn't even write Gabriel, I wrote Flaco, which is Spanish for skinny.

So you know, I freaking write that, stick it on and we walk in.

The party's going on, you know.

I'm trying to find a table. My buddy Tony took off. I couldn't find him.

I'm sitting there, I'm like, "Oh my God," all of a sudden the lights come up and the class president is holding the microphone.

"Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Wilson high school class reunion. Let's just cut to the chase, find out what everyone's been up to and keep the party rocking."

So she pulls out a list, "Who's done this? Who's done that? Who has the most Children?"

Some girl in the back, "Seven."

Everybody's like, "Puta."

Now you remember. OK.

She keeps going down the list.

"Who's done this? Who's done that? Who's been on television?"

Everybody at my table who wasn't talking to me before, you know, they weren't talking to me before.

Now they're like, "Right here, right here. Right here."

I'm like, "No, no, no. Shh."

Sure enough, here comes the girl.

"Oh, we have a celebrity over here. Come on, say something. Get up here, Flaco.

Come on, Flaco, get up here."

"No, no, no. I'm okay."

"Oh, come on, get up here. Are you too good or what?"

So, I got mad and I jumped up, "I'm not too good."

"Um, everybody, my name is Gabriel. Gabriel Iglesias.

I don't wanna say a whole lot right now because I've been drinking and I don't wanna say nothing stupid.

It's really nice to be here with everybody.

I see two girls here tonight.

Two who when I was in the 12th grade I asked out to the prom,

and they said no, but you know what? It's okay. It's okay. Let me go.

It's okay. You know what? It's okay because like she said, I've been on TV, and you two girls who said no, you got fat."

One of them yells out, "You're fat too."

"I know I'm fat, but I was fat in high school. I kept my figure. Why couldn't you?"