And this is because marriage is much better for women.

Like from the beginning onwards, it literally starts with a man getting on his knees begging you.

"Please, spend the rest of your life with ugly stupid me."

But is that enough? No.

You also get an exquisite piece of jewelry that cost tens of thousands of dollars and the arms of a Liberian boy.

So you can show the whole world, "Look how much someone knows me."

You know how much she told me you're supposed to spend on an engagement ring?

10 Gs.

But all of you fucking crazy.

Three paychecks. That's what she told me.

Three on a finger.

It's not even a good finger.

You don't use it to write or eat or fuck you. It is useless.

You know how useless this finger is?

The Simpsons don't have them.

None of us noticed.

But is that enough? No.

You also get a party and it's not even a party.

It's a gala. It's straight out of The Great Gatsby.

Where all of my friends and family, all of your friends and family gather around and stare at you, the beautiful blushing bride in a gorgeous gown, and then there's some dumb motherfucker standing next to her in a rented tux.

We don't even have money to buy the tux because we use the budget on centerpieces.

If you don't know what a centerpiece is, guys, it's basically a gorgeous obstruction to keep you from talking to the other side of the table.

It's like a Mason–Dixon line, but for friendship.

Because we all, we can't make friends, we gotta be staring at the bride and then whatever it is that's walking around her shoulder everywhere she goes.

You go replace me with a fanny pack, nobody would notice.

And I asked my girl and she's like, "Babe, it's been my dream since I was three years old."

Ok. When I was three years old, I wanted a dragon.

Sometimes your dream is not really, you know what I mean?

It's not a great dream.

It is not feasible.

I still dream of being an NBA.

How about we run on Madison Square Garden, invite all our friends and family over and I dunk on them for eight hours.

What about my dreams?

I'm just saying there should be something for men.

You can, honestly, I'll let you have the party that's just for you.

But something to balance out the ring.

I think men should get engagement cars.

Just a simple.

Look how unhappy the women are (about) the idea.

It's not even equal.

A diamond is forever, a Camry is like, six years.

It's a whole different timeline and I don't even like driving. I just want you to feel that pressure.

That's all.

When you're like, "Babe, what kind of car do you want?"

And I'm like, "I don't know. It depends, depends on how much you love me."