And this is because marriage is much better for women.

這是因為婚姻對女性更有利。

Like from the beginning onwards, it literally starts with a man getting on his knees begging you.

從一開始，就有一個男人跪下來求你。

"Please, spend the rest of your life with ugly stupid me."

「請和醜陋愚蠢的我共度餘生。」

But is that enough? No.

但這就夠了嗎？不夠。

You also get an exquisite piece of jewelry that cost tens of thousands of dollars and the arms of a Liberian boy.

你還會得到一件價值數萬美元的精美首飾和一個賴比瑞亞男孩的手臂

So you can show the whole world, "Look how much someone knows me."

好讓你向全世界展示「看看有個人多愛我」。

You know how much she told me you're supposed to spend on an engagement ring?

你知道他告訴我你應該花多少錢買訂婚戒指嗎？

10 Gs.

一萬美金。(G=grand=1000)

But all of you fucking crazy.

你們這些人都他媽的瘋了。

Three paychecks. That's what she told me.

三份薪水。她是這麼告訴我的。

Three on a finger.

三份薪水買手指上一個戒指。

It's not even a good finger.

這甚至不是一個好手指。

You don't use it to write or eat or fuck you. It is useless.

你不能用它來寫作、吃飯或比中指。根本沒用。

You know how useless this finger is?

你知道這隻手指有多沒用嗎？

The Simpsons don't have them.

《辛普森家庭》的角色都沒有無名指。

None of us noticed.

我們根本沒有發現。

But is that enough? No.

但這就夠了嗎？不夠。

You also get a party and it's not even a party.

你還能辦一個派對，而且還不是派對。

It's a gala. It's straight out of The Great Gatsby.

根本是一場盛會。就像《大亨小傳》裡的宴會一樣。

Where all of my friends and family, all of your friends and family gather around and stare at you, the beautiful blushing bride in a gorgeous gown, and then there's some dumb motherfucker standing next to her in a rented tux.

我所有的朋友和家人，你所有的朋友和家人都聚集在一起，盯著你，美麗的紅著臉的新娘穿著華麗的禮服，然後有一個愚蠢的混蛋穿著租來的禮服站在她旁邊。

We don't even have money to buy the tux because we use the budget on centerpieces.

我們甚至沒有錢買禮服，因為我們把預算都花在了中央裝飾品上。

If you don't know what a centerpiece is, guys, it's basically a gorgeous obstruction to keep you from talking to the other side of the table.

如果你不知道什麼是中央裝飾品，它基本上就是一個華麗的障礙物，讓你無法與餐桌另一側的人交談。

It's like a Mason–Dixon line, but for friendship.

這就像梅森-迪克森線，但用在友誼上。

Because we all, we can't make friends, we gotta be staring at the bride and then whatever it is that's walking around her shoulder everywhere she goes.

因為我們都無法交朋友，我們必須盯著新娘看，然後無論她走到哪裡，都要盯著她肩膀上的一切。

You go replace me with a fanny pack, nobody would notice.

把我換成腰包也不會有人注意到的。

And I asked my girl and she's like, "Babe, it's been my dream since I was three years old."

我問我的女友，她說：「寶貝，這是從我三歲時的夢想。」

Ok. When I was three years old, I wanted a dragon.

三歲時，我想要一條龍。

Sometimes your dream is not really, you know what I mean?

有時候，你的夢想並不是真的，你明白我的意思嗎？

It's not a great dream.

這不是一個很棒的夢想。

It is not feasible.

這是不可行的。

I still dream of being an NBA.

我仍然夢想成為一名 NBA 球員。

How about we run on Madison Square Garden, invite all our friends and family over and I dunk on them for eight hours.

要不，我們在麥迪遜廣場花園辦宴會，邀請所有親朋好友過來，我在他們身上灌籃八個小時。

What about my dreams?

我的夢想呢？

I'm just saying there should be something for men.

我只是說，應該為男性提供一些東西。

You can, honestly, I'll let you have the party that's just for you.

老實說，我會讓你擁有只屬於你的派對。

But something to balance out the ring.

不過，還是要平衡一下戒指。

I think men should get engagement cars.

我覺得男人應該買訂婚車。

Just a simple.

就這麼簡單。

Look how unhappy the women are (about) the idea.

看看那些女人對於這個想法多不開心。

It's not even equal.

這根本不平等。

A diamond is forever, a Camry is like, six years.

鑽石是永恆的，Camry 只能開六年。

It's a whole different timeline and I don't even like driving. I just want you to feel that pressure.

時間線完全不同，我甚至不喜歡開車。我只是想讓你感受到那種壓力。

That's all.

就這樣而已。

When you're like, "Babe, what kind of car do you want?"

當你說：「寶貝，你想要什麼樣的車？」

And I'm like, "I don't know. It depends, depends on how much you love me."

我就會說：「不知道。那要看你有多愛我了。」