so he comes up with an even more exciting one: 'Have some cats nobody's ever heard of kill everyone'.

Meanwhile that same everyone sees Bluestar for the first time in two months.

Too bad she's dead.

Darkstripe then reminds everyone that Fireheart is a kittypet. Everyone ignores him.

Soon after, Fireheart is dragged to Mothermouth and knocked out by Cinderpelt.

While asleep, He's gifted with 8 extra lives by all his dead friends.

You know, normal feral cat stuff!

Don't you miss the first series where everything was realistic?

Lionheart gives him the life of naming warriors "-fur" and "-pelt".

"It's sophisticated," says Lionheart.

Redtail gives him the life of screen time, while Silverstream gives him perfect eyeliner.

Runningwind gives him the life of appreciating background characters.

"I really like that Brackenfur guy." Thanks, Fireheart.

Brindleface gives him the power of infinite, unrestrained muscle.

Swiftpaw gives him... the hiccups.

Yellowfang gives him the life of unnecessary super editions.

Spottedleaf gives him late series retcons.

"Oh! So Sandstorm is Brindleface's kit?"

"That will make lots of sense and not make any future developments creepy!"

Bluestar is last.

"With this life, I give you... everlasting life," she tells him.

"Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of having 9?" asks Fireheart.

"Look, if it gets out of hand, we'll just drop a tree on you, like we do every immortal cat," she insists.

Then Fireheart is upgraded to his final form:

Fireman.

The celebration lasts about three seconds, before Firestar is attacked by several scary skeletons and wakes up.

Firestar then admits to Cinderpelt that he is, in fact, a psychic.

"That's weird, I guess," says Cinderpelt, and the conversation accomplishes nothing because he doesn't share any details about his dream or prophecy.

Back at camp, Firestar makes Whitestorm his deputy, mostly because his BFF Graystripe is no loyalty traitor number one.

Bramblepaw follows Firestar to Twolegplace,

and they have a heart-to-heart discussion before Firestar realizes that Tigerstar's pretty child was the evil one all along.

Soon after, they catch Darkstripe poisoning a baby. Relatable!

"I didn't do that," says Darkstripe.

"We saw you do that," says everyone else.

Thornpaw's warrior assessment is decided by a patrol.

And while he's at it, he changes Lostface to Brightheart to one-up his nephew.

Sorrelkit wakes up and tells everybody about how Darkstripe poisoned her so nobody knew about his date with Blackfoot.

They then kick out WhinyEdgeFace two books too late, as it's that impossible to be fired from Thunderclan.

Tawnypaw is upset.

Firestar finally decides to tell the Gathering what Tigerstar has done,

But he's thrown off yet again by Tigerstar combining two clans that don't even touch on the map.

Firestar will never tell anyone anything.

Firestar will either decide randomly not to share what he's seen, or be stopped before he can say anything.

[sigh] Tell people things kids, or Tigerstar will take over the forest.

For some reason Firestar goes on as normal until his hot dream girlfriend tells him to get his act together.

Tawnypaw is not happy about being compared to Tigerstar. Maybe she should be more like Tigerstar!

Graystripe is worried about his babies.

Should have thought about that before betraying them forever, dude! What is wrong with you?

So Firestar and Traitorstripe go to have a fun chat with the attractive children, and pick up TigerstarHater97 on the way.

They find out that Riverclan and ShadowClan have made a new camp in literal, actual hell.

"Nice place," says Graystripe.

Suddenly, it's time for Tiger Court!

All of the gray cats are put on trial.

"Oh no, my son... Stonefur!" cries Graystripe.

Tigerstar decides they can't trust half-clan cats, despite the fact that he's trying to combine all the clans,

so he tells Stonefur to kill the teenagers.

Leopardfur gives this plan two thumbs up! Stonefur doesn't.

Darkstripe, being well-versed in trying to kill children for no reason, shows Stonefur a thing or two.

And by that I mean Blackfoot shows Stonefur a thing or two.

Darkstripe feels bad that he just can't kill children good enough for Tigerstar.

The Into the Wild gang roll in some rotting corpses before sneaking into hell.

Then Ravenpaw seduces Jaggedtooth while they rescue the prisoners.

As soon as they get back to camp, Tawnypaw is gone!

Well, you win some, you lose some, right guys?

They stay home for maybe a total of 3 minutes before Tigerclan bursts into Windclan to find more 15 year olds to murder.

Firestar arrives 5 minutes too late, just to learn that Tigerstar killed Gorsepaw for being the only other ginger cat alive.

"He left a message for you," says Tallstar, turning Gorsepaw over to reveal: "This is u... LOL"

Everybody heads on down to Fourtrees to tell Tigerstar they're not interested.

Tawnypaw is there. "I'm playing the devil's advocate," says Tawnypaw.

Nobody thinks this is cute.

"You're not my real dad!" shouts teenage... dev... no.

Shouts Bramblepaw.

In retaliation, Tigerstar presents his new son:

Several bodybuilding kittypets with knives and broken glass superglued to their bodies.

Oh, and one itty bitty one.

Tigerstar screams for Bloodclan to collectively punch Firestar in the face, but they all check their phones instead.

"Hey, so, what's up dude? Nice to meet you," says Firestar to the tiny cat vibrating with hatred.

Scourge hisses at him for 14 minutes before stopping to breathe.

Firestar proceeds to make the most detailed Tigerstar callout post he can possibly manage.

After hearing this, Scourge thinks that he would make a better antagonist than Tigerstar.

He does a backflip so awesome that all of Tigerstar's organs fail one by one.

Scourge then decides that the forest is a much better place than the back alley behind an apartment complex that Bloodclan used to live in.

"Dibs on the forest!" says Scourge, leaving to pack his knives and Mountain Dew.

Everyone goes home to prepare for war.

Then Ravenpaw and Barley show up, because it's not a true final battle unless everyone you've ever met is there.

Barley tells everyone that Bloodclan is weak because they don't believe in Starclan.

But.. why does Barley? How does he know?

Sandstorm teaches the kittens to Kill.

Whitestorm suggests that they leave the forest instead of fighting Edge Cat, but they'd never do that.

Firestar starts getting worried, so he screams at the sky until all the dead people in this life float down and tell him

that they're not going to spoon-feed him cosmic information about the future and nature of cats.

Then he remembers that he could just forceTigerclan to fight for him

by being intimidating and strong and maybe sitting on that pile of bones.

He goes to the Riverclan camp to recruit more units for his party, and meets Tawnypaw, who says,

"Sorry, Firestar, but you still suck."

Just as everyone agrees to fight, Darkstripe rage quits.

Not like we needed you anyways, loser.

Whitestorm takes a minute or two to accept his death before the battle.

Newly formed Lionclan goes to war first thing in the morning and ruins Pancake Day for Bloodclan.

In the middle of the fight, Darkstripe attacks Firestar, but Graystripe quickly klls him in the ultimate battle of the traitors.

Then, across the way, all the nearly full-grown apprentices kill Bone at once.

Whitestorm dies from this all being too exciting for old people.

With his dying breath, he makes a cat that made more bad decisions than anyone else combined in the last few years the new deputy.

Firestar saves Onewhisker from being put through the paper shredder, but dies immediately after.

Up in cat heaven, Firestar learns that they're constructing a new Firestar from all of his dead parts.

"Ew."

Firestar then resurrects, which scares Scourge so much that he dies instead.

"Checkmate, athiests!"

All the edgy kittypets leave to buy bus tickets while the clan cats party.

Mistyfoot gets made deputy of Riverclan, and the absolute mess tells his kittens that he'll break into their territory any time.

Blackfoot gets forgiven for his war crimes and goes to become leader of Shadowclan.

Tawnypaw comes with him.

Windclan continues to exist.

Spottedleaf floats down from Heaven to give Firestar a smooch.

Everything is right with the forest...

...until the four thousand sequels.