Bella is worried that Jacob's brother Hawkfrost is evil but Leafpool tells her that she's just being paranoid and she should totally support

Everything Jacob does because that's her ship.

Bella goes to sit with Edward

anyways

Making Jacob angry.

Spiderleg is very angry about not having a deputy for a cat who has made a warrior three days ago

Bella and Jacob get into a fight about Hawkfrost as soon as they get close to each other

Nobody but Bella thinks there's anything wrong with Jacob having a close relationship with his coop planning devious half-brother. "You're stupid"

Jacob tells Bella and nothing you ever think is right!

Wow! romance of the century. Then everybody attacks a badger that was minding its own business

Leafpool is sad that she's not in an exciting love triangle like Bella all she has is a generic run-of-the-mill forbidden romance.

Plus, Sorreltail is expecting. So Leafpool will no longer has a bodyguard Bella and Edward have a snowball fight

So Jacob comes over to yell at them they run away from him and get attacked by a fox but the fox is still preferable

Ashfur, I mean Edward tries to kill the fox by biting its neck, but the fox is also a vampire

So Jacob comes and drives it away Firestar lets cats with several deep scratches in the neck wound to go visit an enemy clan

Hey bro, says Firestar, want to come over and watch some vids

"No" says Onestar

Firestar is hurt. At the gathering all the leaders bully Firestar for having no deputy

Feathertail visits Leafpool to tell her as a spirit from the group that Leafpool devotes herself to

Religiously to the point of celibacy that she should definitely take off with Crowfeather

Oh and also to passenger to Mothwing for her. She brings the news to Mothwing

who just uses it as an excuse to hang out Bella appreciates Edward fighting all her battles for her

But she's going to change her mind as soon as the authors decided that they wanted to look bad compared to Brambleclaw. Birchkit

Is the only child in ThunderClan if Brambleclaw wants to become deputy, Birchkit has to become his apprentice

So like any logical person Firestar gives him to Ashfur. Squirrelflight's mother scolds her for being in a love triangle

Meanwhile Cinderpelt is mad at Leafpool for supposedly sneaking off with Crowfeather when she was actually

Sneaking off with Mothwing. Wait, hold on. I'm still mad about the Squirrelflight thing.

Brambleclaw has been bullying Squirrelflight all book because she's suspicious of Hawkfrost

Ashfur who was Squirrelflight's close friend stands up for her completely reasonably and Squirrelflight gets blamed for them making a scene

Ugh Anyways, all the medicine cats have scary dreams except for Mothwing because apparently being an atheist makes you totally immune to magic. Crowfeather appears

Leafpool thinks sneaking off with Crowfeather is wrong

But she does it anyways because she has no agency

Daisy, some kittypet, brings her kits to ThunderClan this upset Spiderleg who has somehow developed Xenophobic traits completely independently of his clan

Brambleclaw also starts bad-mouthing kittypets so Cloudtail blocks him on Twitter >:3

Then Brightheart scares Daisy by existing

Leafpool runs off to help Mothwing with Riverclan's mystery problem

"Wow! it sure is great to have TWO medicine cats!"

Shouts Cinderpelt at the sky.

As it turns out RiverClan has been poisoned by a leaky truck

Leafpool is so busy doing Mothwing's job for her that she totally misses her meeting with Crowfeather

Oh no missed an opportunity to break the rules how awful :(

and then she somehow accidentally visits cat hell and her dreams instead of Starclan

She catches Hawkfrost and Brambleclaw getting evil lessons

She tells nobody about the Dark forest, Tells nobody about her dreams, and worries

About how she can secretly run off with Crowfeather instead

Cinderpelt tries to stop her but Leafpool beats her up and back flips into Crowfeather's arms.

"Woah! nice punch" says Spottedleaf "stick it to the man!"

"Aren't you going to stop me?" asks Leafpool, "why?" responds Spottedleaf

so Leafpool and Crowfeather galloped into the sunset together

Everyone starts looking for Leafpool.

"Hey! use your special connection to find her!" says Brambleclaw

But it's too late. The special connection has been forgotten

Squirrelflight acts like Brambleclaw is any sort of romantic option, even though he's been acting horribly towards her for a book and a half.

Starclan tries to give Leafpool a prophecy

But her and Crowfeather have already made it all the way down to Binghamton

Midnight stops by to tell them what's about to happen anyways

Leafpool wants to save the plans but Crowfeather thinks that having a girlfriend is more important than hundreds of lives.

A few seconds later, like five badgers attack ThunderClan.

"This is an unimaginable amount of badgers." Shouts Firestar

Sorreltail decides that this is a great time to give birth.

The badgers breathe on Sootfur turning him to dust

Moonkitti, reading, wishes that the badgers would just kill Brambleclaw instead.

Leafpool gets back just in time to watch Cinderpelt die.

And now... a scene... from Twilight...

"Don't go! You can't die Cinderpelt!"

"Don't worry Leafpool, I was already spoiled for this, so it's pretty anti-climatic"

[Cinderpelt dramatically dies]

"No! this means I can't be with my boyfriend"

Leafpool offers to get together with Crowfeather when they died, but he's already got a date for that

Midnight shows up and tells all the Badgers to knock it off

Then she confesses that this was all just one big over complicated plan to make Leafpool feel like an idiot.

"Hey everybody! did we miss anything? shout Stormfur and Brook

As if their appearance is supposed to excite you somehow

as if you were waiting for a Stormfur and Brook to appear

And now you have to wait for the next book to read about Stormfur and Brook