Parents always tell their kids the same things.

Parents always say, "Finish your food, because there are starving children in Africa."

How come parents never say the other way around?

"Don't finish your food, because there are fat kids in America."

Another thing parents tell their kids--I heard this guy telling his son,

"Don't tell lies, or your nose will grow longer."

I'm like, wow, that guy just taought his kid not to lie by lying to him.

That's some Inception shit.

And parents say these things, they think their kids will just believe it.

But kids these days are not that innocent.

For example, the other day, my 5-year-old niece asked her dad, "Where do babies come from?"

And her dad just said, "Babies come from Heaven."

But my 5-year-old niece, she goes and Googles this stuff,

and then she sends me this text message: "OMG... My dad is a moron.

"He doesn't even know about sex. That means he's not my real dad."

I got the message, I'm like, "Oh, no, should I tell her the truth?"

And then I thought -- you know what, I'm not her dad. It's not my job to teach her these things.

In fact, my job is to be a comedian, so I just texted back,

"Yes, you're adopted."

And then she had to Google that.

But I also had awkward situations growing up.

When I was 15 years old, my friend gave me condoms, just as a prank.

But I put the condoms aside because I was only 15.

And we Chinese guys, we don't hit puberty until we're 29.

But at 15 years old, me and my friends were learning karate from my friend Mike.

Mike was a black belt in Karate.

The rest of us learning from him were beginner yellow belt.

Because it was an informal class, we didn't have the colors in between.

So those karate sessions were kinda like a Wiz khalifa rap song.

Black and yellow, black and yellow.

So I was learning karate, but my mom can be over-protective.

So I didn't tell my mom I was doing karate.

And then one day my mom, she finds the condoms.

So my mom came up to me and said, "Boy, I found your protection.... Have you been doing it?"

Now, I didn't know she was talking about condoms. I thought she found my groin protector for karate.

So I said, "Yes, Mom... I do it after school every day."

"Oh, Mom, you should come and watch."

"I can show you some of my moves."

My mom's like, "What? You're too young to do stuff like this."

"I'm not too young... Mike has been doing it since he was ten years old."

"And he had to pay to do it."

"I get to do it for free."

My mom is shocked. She's like, "Who's your partner?"

"I don't have a regular partner."

"We swap partners."

Now my mom's really freaking out. "How many girls have you done this with?"

"What girls?"

"I do it with guys."

"Most of them are yellow, but one of them is black."