Okay, first impression.

That was a hot girl pooping.

Second impression.

That was the economy.

That's all I know about it.

And for my last impression.

Stop, guys, that was nothing.

No, stop, I've literally never done that before.

No, I spent a lot of time alone in my room learning how to do that.

Growing up, I was like, oh my God, oh my God, I can't be like every other Asian person.

So I forced myself to become every Asian dude from California.

I have so much racial self-hatred and like, of course I do.

In the United States, there is a critically acclaimed, widely taught children's book, I was forced to read nine million times, Tiki Tiki Tembo.

The first sentence of that book is, there once was a Chinese boy named Tiki Tiki Tembo, no saw Rembo, Cherry Berry Ruchi, Pit Berry Pembo.

No, there wasn't.

I have a Chinese brother, his name is Kevin.

And when this white author was confronted by it, she was like, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I don't speak Chinese. I just wrote down what I heard my neighbor say."

So we're going to do a group experiment, where I'm going to say real Chinese, and then at some point I'm going to switch to not quite Chinese.

But I won't tell you when, you tell me when.

(Speaking in Chinese) Hello, my name is Wu Junyi. I love eating watermelon.

(Speaking in Chinese) And I heard this book is called Tiki Tiki Tembo, No Saw Rembo, Cherry Berry Ruchi, Pit Berry Pembo.

I've told that joke a million times. You are the first group that has gotten it.

Obviously not.

So now I have this, now I have this complex where I'll do anything. I feel so bad about myself.

I'll do anything to get a white person to like me. Like I've learned crazy, like how to beatbox. Tell me, tell me, why the f*** do I know how to do this?

Thirteen? Thirteen years old, I could do this?

You want to know why?

It was to train for bar mitzvahs.

I was in a closeted, label-less relationship with this white Jewish woman, who a year into our relationship was like," I love you so much, you mean the world to me, do you want to be my squirrel friend?"

She said squirrel friend, because girlfriend was too scary.

And I, instead of being like, goth, I went...

So I don't have like a lot of gay pride. I have a lot of gay regret. I realized I was like transmasc.

Like last year, I identify as non-binary. I take they them.

And every morning I look in the mirror and I'm like, "Oh my god, am I seriously the same gender as Demi Lovato?"

And I'm just like complaining. When is the fun part of all this?

Because I tried coming out and that was, I was like, I came out to my dad, I was like, "Hey, I'm trans."

And my dad went, "Well, I'm driving!"

This moment could have really been about me, but it was really, it really became about him.

I was like, "You know, I'm thinking about taking tea."

And he went, "Oh, oh, you don't like your body? Well, well, do you think I like my face? Do you think I like my skin, my eyes?"

I had to pause coming out to be like, "No, dad, don't be sad. You're so sexy."

And then the whole conversation was him being like, "I wish you were normal," which is, sorry.

No, he does not. He never cared.

He did not care about me being normal.

When he let my Chinese grandma raise me, she taught me weird. I was very weird.

She raised... she would whisper in my ear at eight years old, she'd go, 'You want to know why white people are in wheelchairs?

Because those____ were shorts in the winter."

And she would say that to get me to wear at least two pairs of pants every day to school. Jeans over jeans. I was like, like the stiff legged freak.

Everyone made fun of me. You can't feel bad for me. I was a serial killer.

I'd walk in like, "You laugh at me now. We'll see who's laughing when one of us is in a wheelchair."

I've literally always been so cutthroat.

It's a problem. I'm in the world's worst rivalry.

In college, I took a storytelling class.

For a field trip, we went to a moth story slam. I performed.

A girl in the class went up right after me.

She won the whole thing. For the rest of the year, everyone was obsessed with her.

Everyone was like, she's going to be famous. She's such a good performer.

I said, "I'm the one who's going to be famous. I'm the good performer."

It's been six and a half years, and I'm... Look, JFL is a huge honor.

It's just that that girl is literally the United States Youth Poet Laureate, Amanda Gorman.

Canadians, if you don't know her, she was this poet who performed at the presidential inauguration.

And people sort of say that she united the country.

Michelle Obama said she changed her life.

She hosted the Met Gala. She's been on the cover of Vogue.

If she becomes a staff writer on Big Mouth, I'm telling myself!

You know, she's running for president in 2036. She's going to be president.

And she would say that in college. She'd be like, "You know, maybe one day I'll be the first black woman president."

I was like, "That's pretty confident. That's really confident."

Because when I was in college, my big dream, I was like, "Maybe one day I could be like an Asian Jack Black."

Anyways, do you guys think that when Malala got really famous, there was also someone in the back? Like, ugh!

I'm Serena Wu. Bye. Thanks so much.