Good, great, great.

I'm also doing great.

I just got out of a relationship.

So, yeah, I know, it's been great.

I've had a lot of really supportive friends, you know?

I've had a lot of really supportive guy friends.

Just a bunch of guys that I was like, I didn't even know were friends like that, you know?

They do get mad though.

One of them was like, "It feels like you're friend zoning me. I was so nice to you, I took you to the airport."

I was like, "My mom takes me to the airport all the time. And I never fuck her."

She's never like, "You're mom-zoning me."

What the fuck?

Dating's gonna be really hard for me because I am banned from dating sites.

I'm banned from Bumble and Tinder.

And I'll tell you what happened.

I'll tell you.

I was drunk one night and I was on Bumble and Tinder.

And for my bio, I wrote, "I'm gonna find your family and I'm gonna kill them."

And guys still responded.

They'd be like, "What are you up to tonight?"

I was like, "I don't know, where does your family live?"

That's when I was like, men are way too horny, okay?

They're way too horny.

Like, I think men are willing to say and do anything when they're horny, you know?

Yeah, like I think the biggest feminist I've ever met is just a horny guy at a bar at 2 a.m.

They're willing to give up their right to vote to go home with you.

And some of them do.

They're in jail.

No, I've been horny too. I've been watching porn and so have you.

It's not just me racking up 70 million views per video, okay?

I think it's hard to watch porn as a woman, right?

Because porn's very unrealistic, you know?

Like, I was watching this porn the other day that said, "Fucking The Babysitter While My Wife Is in The Shower."

I was like, why is the babysitter here if both parents are home?

And who's watching this baby?

No, I'm doing fine.

I'm dating women now.

It's been scary.

Women are scary.

Because I think the scariest thing a man can do to you on a first date is he will, you know, like follow you home and kill you.

Guys are so goofy like that.

They're so silly.

But a woman on a first date will just out of nowhere be like, "So, what's your relationship with your parents like?"

And I'm like, "I think you should kill me."

This is fucking awful.

I don't know.

I'm doing fine.

I'm doing fine.

I'm in therapy.

Anyone in therapy?

It's been great.

Going to therapy is great.

I am Asian and my parents ask me why I go to therapy.

And I was like, "Oh, do you remember when I was a kid? And you guys raised me."

That's it.

You were there.

I mean, not emotionally.

But you were around.

No, my parents are great.

I hang out with my dad a lot.

Not because we're close.

We just have a mutual friend in common, my mom.

So we hang.

My dad's great.

He always talks to me like we're two strangers who met at a party and there's a lull in the conversation.

He's always like, "So, how old are you?"

I'm like, "Don't worry about it. It's my birthday party, but."

No, my parents are great.

They do treat all my childhood trauma like the North Korean government treats their problems.

They're always like, "You're not sad. It's just Western propaganda."

I'm like, "Great, we figured it out."

It's great.

I don't know.

I've been talking about my breakup in therapy.

Breakups are sad, right?

Like, have you guys ever been on the train and you're like, I think I'm gonna cry on this subway right now, you know?

And then like the guy sitting in front of you is like, "Oh yeah, that's what I get off on."

And you're like, everything reminds me of him.

I was on the train the other day and I was listening to this Etta James song and there's a line in the song where she goes, "Something deep in my soul said, cry girl."

And I was like, oh my God, I think I'm gonna cry.

But it's really hard to listen to blues and cry about a guy who's in a pickleball league.

Those songs are written about men who work in mines, okay?

Not some guy who still takes gummy vitamins.

I'm not gonna cry about a guy who can't swallow a pill, okay?

I'm doing better now.

I hooked up with a really hot guy recently.

Yeah, I know, it was great.

He's the kind of hot where he dates models, you know?

And then after we hooked up, he goes, "I just wanna be careful how we go about this because you're not like the other women I date. You're like a real person."

Yeah.

It's like men don't know where to end a sentence.

Every guy I've dated will be like, "You're the most beautiful woman in the world, to me."

It's like, who cares about your opinion, dude?

I did like that line because it's such a fuck boy line, right?

Like, you're so real, I'm just not ready for something real is fuck boy 101.

Because every fuck boy acts like they're really deep and vulnerable, but some sort of gypsy curse has made them have meaningless sex for the rest of their lives.

They all act like when they were 11, a big Scottish man with a beard came up to them and was like, "You're a fuck boy, Harry."

Now they have no choice, you know?

I moved to New York recently.

I've been here for a year.

New York's great.

I moved from Texas.

New York's very different.

Yeah, it's very different.

I think it's very progressive, you know?

I think maybe things are getting a bit too progressive.

Clap if you think things are getting too progressive.

Usually white guys are like, "I'm gonna clap on the train later."

But not you, man.

Front row.

No, I agree with you.

I'm also a racist or whatever.

I don't know.

I do think things are getting too progressive.

I got in trouble the other day for using the word homeless.

This guy was like, "You can't say that. You have to say people without housing."

And I was like, "Dude, I don't think their problem is marketing. It's not like I called him a house retard."

Got away with it in Williamsburg, baby.

All right.

No, I love homeless people.

I love homeless people.

I think homeless people can get away with things that a guy with a mortgage could never fucking pull off.

Like as I said, this bar one time, I had a cigarette and I have a lighter and this homeless guy came up to me and he said, "A pretty girl never has to light her own cigarette."

And he lit my cigarette and he lit my friend's cigarette and he didn't light my other friend's cigarette and just left.

It was incredible.

It was so good.

She quit smoking.

It's amazing.

I do like smoking cigarettes and people who don't smoke, don't get it.

Like my friends who don't smoke are always like, "Is it worth it?"

"Is smoking worth it?"

Let me tell you how worth it smoking is.

Some women smoke when they're pregnant.

That's how worth it smoking is.

I smoked when I was pregnant, everything turned out fine.

I got an abortion.

And sometimes people get mad when I tell that joke and I just let them know that it was a gay baby.

I used to tell that joke in Texas and people would get mad and I'd be like, "Dude, the baby was on my property so I shot him."

All right, thank you guys so much.

I'm Casey.