SPEAK TO A SOUTHWEST AIRLINES

REPRESENTATIVE.

>> FINALLY.

>> PLEASE STATE YOUR NAME.

>> REGINALD KEAN.

>> THANK YOU.

CONNECTING YOU NOW.

>> HI.

THIS IS ZACHARY WITH SOUTHWEST.

AM I SPEAKING WITH VAGINALD

CREAM?

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> IT'S REGINALD KEAN.

>> OF COURSE, MR. CREAM.

AND LET ME BE THE FIRST TO

APOLOGIZE FOR LOSING YOUR

LUGGAGE.

>> OH, NO, NO, I HAVE MY

LUGGAGE.

I JUST NEED TO CHANGE MY FLIGHT.

I'M SUPPOSED TO FLY DENVER TO

NEW YORK TONIGHT BUT I NEED TO

MOVE IT TO TOMORROW.

>> OKAY.

SO UNFORTUNATELY TOMORROW WE ARE

VERY FULL.

BUT I CAN GET YOU ON STANDBY FOR

THE 8:15.

>> STANDBY MEANS I'M NOT

GUARANTEED TO GET ON THE FLIGHT,

THOUGH, RIGHT?

>> NO, YOU'LL BE ON THE FLIGHT.

YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO STAND BY THE

BATHROOM THE WHOLE TIME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SHALL I BOOK THAT FOR YOU?

>> NO.

I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

I'LL JUST TRY ANOTHER AIRLINE

AND I'LL JUST CANCEL AND GET A

REFUND.

>> ALL RIGHTY.

NO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> DID YOU JUST SAY NO?

>> YES.

WE ARE TRAINED TO SAY NO AND SEE

IF PEOPLE JUST ACCEPT IT.

BUT I SEE THAT YOU WON'T.

SO I'LL TRANSFER YOU TO SOMEONE

WHO CAN ASSIST.

PLEASE HOLD.

>> SOUTHWEST DOESN'T ASSIGN

SEATS.

JUST ANOTHER WAY WE'RE MAKING

FLYING FEEL LIKE RIDING A CITY

BUS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> HELLO.

THIS IS MANDY WITH SOUTHWEST'S

LOST LUGGAGE DEPARTMENT.

CAN YOU DESCRIBE YOUR MISSING

BAG, SIR?

>> OH, NO, I DIDN'T LOSE MY BAG.

I'M JUST TRYING TO CANCEL MY

FLIGHT AND GET A REFUND.

>> OF COURSE.

LET ME TRANSFER YOU TO

CANCELLATIONS.

AND IN CASE WE GET DISCONNECTED

WRITE DOWN THIS REFERENCE

NUMBER --

>> [ SPEAKING RAPIDLY ].

>> DID YOU GET THAT?

>> NO.

>> GREAT.

PLEASE HOLD.

>> WANT MORE LEG ROOM AND

PREMIUM DRINK SERVICES?

FLY A DIFFERENT AIRLINE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> THIS IS DONNA.

AM I SPEAKING WITH VAGINALD?

>> MY NAME IS REGINALD.

LOOK, I JUST WANT A REFUND.

OKAY?

MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME.

>> MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU?

WHY ONLY MAYBE?

BECAUSE I'M BLACK?

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> NO, NO.

>> LET ME FIND YOUR RACIST ASS A

WHITE PERSON TO TALK TO.

HOLD, PLEASE.

>> WE VALUE YOUR FEEDBACK.

TO PARTICIPATE IN A BRIEF

200-QUESTION SURVEY AFTER THIS

CALL SAY I DO NOT WISH TO

PARTICIPATE.

>> I DO NOT WISH TO

PARTICIPATE -- WAIT, WAIT.

NO, NO.

>> THIS IS CHRISTIE WITH

SOUTHWEST.

I SEE ON YOUR FILE THAT YOU

PREFER TO DEAL WITH CUSTOMER

SERVICE REPS THAT ARE WHITE.

AND I GET IT, BROTHER, BECAUSE

WE OUGHT TO STICK TOGETHER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> NO, NO, NO, NO.

PUT ME ON WITH SOMEBODY ELSE.

>> HELLO, THIS IS D'ARTAGNAN.

I CAN GET YOU THAT REFUND, SIR.

THE QUESTION IS WHAT ARE YOU

GOING TO DO FOR ME?

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> NO, SOMEONE ELSE.

>> HI.

THIS IS KELLY.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

>> NOT GREAT.

HOW ARE YOU?

>> HONESTLY?

STILL PRETTY DRUNK.

>> ABSOLOOSELY.

>> YEAH, MAN, ME LOOKING FOR

YOUR LOST BAG.

BUT I TINK WE FOUND IT.

IN A BLUE SAMSONITE ROLLIE BAG,

YEAH?

>> I DIDN'T LOSE MY BAG.

>> I'M SORRY.

ME CAN'T HEAR YOU.

BUT ME GET YOUR BAG BACK TO YOU.

PLEASE HOLD.

>> HELLO.

THIS IS MASON.

>> MASON.

DUDE.

JUST LISTEN TO ME.

I JUST WANT TO CANCEL MY FLIGHT

BUT I KEEP GETTING BOUNCED

AROUND TO DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

>> I HATE THAT.

IT'S LIKE PUT ME ON WITH

SOMEBODY WHO CAN ACTUALLY DO

SOMETHING.

>> YES.

MY GOD, YES.

YOU GET IT.

>> TOTALLY.

ALL RIGHT.

LET ME TRY AND FIND SOMEONE LIKE

THAT FOR YOU.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> YOU ARE BEING TRANSFERRED TO

A SOUTHWEST REFUND SPECIALIST.

>> THANK YOU!

>> IN TRAINING.

>> NO!

>> HEY.

>> HELLO?

>> YOU GET HIGH?

>> DARIUS, NO!

SORRY ABOUT THAT, SIR.

PLEASE HOLD.

>> DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN GET

WI-FI ON YOUR FLIGHT?

WE DIDN'T.

IF YOU KNOW HOW THAT WORKS,

CONTACT US.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> HELLO, TERMINAL C HUDSON

NEWS.

ARE YOU INTERESTED IN PURCHASING

A WARM DASANI FOR $16.99?

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> NO.

WHY DID THEY TRANSFER ME TO

HUDSON NEWS?

>> OH, WHO, SOUTHWEST?

HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

I THINK I CAN GET THEM BACK.

PLEASE HOLD.

>> MR. CREAM.

I HOPE ONE OF OUR WHITE

EMPLOYEES WAS ABLE TO HELP YOU

WITH THAT REFUND.

>> I DON'T PREFER WHITES.

AND NOBODY HAS HELPED ME.

TO QUOTE DMX, Y'ALL GONNA MAKE

ME LOSE MY MIND UP IN HERE.

SO CONNECT ME TO THE

HIGHEST-RANKING SOUTHWEST

EMPLOYEE POSSIBLE RIGHT NOW!

>> VERY WELL.

PLEASE HOLD.

>> GREETINGS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> WHO AM I SPEAKING TO?

>> I AM BOTH SOUTH AND WEST.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NORTH AND EAST.

I'M ALL DIRECTIONS, ALL

DESTINATIONS.

AS LONG AS THEY ARE IN THE

UNITED STATES OR MEXICO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> GREAT.

CAN YOU CANCEL MY FLIGHT AND

JUST GIVE ME A REFUND?

>> NO.

>> DON'T DO THE NO THING WITH

ME.

REFUND.

NOW.

>> SO BE IT.

YOUR REFUND HAS BEEN ISSUED.

MINUS A $75 CANCELLATION FEE AND

$200 REBOOKING CHARGE.

THANK YOU FOR FLYING SOUTHWEST,

VAGINALD.

>> IT'S REGINALD!

>> THEN WHY THE BAG SAY JEFFREY

SMITH?

[ APPLAUSE ]