And here was what I said.

我是這麼說的。

I said, I am trying to be more intentional about spending the time that I have with my son, Oakley, before I become an empty nester.

我說，在我成為空巢老人之前，我正試圖更有意識地花時間陪伴我的兒子奧克利。

And it was like, I don't know what is going on.

我不知道這是怎麼回事。

I don't know if we're all just so freaking busy that we've lost sight of how fast time is slipping through our fingers.

我不知道我們是不是都太忙了，以至於忽略了時間從指縫間溜走的速度有多快。

But it's very clear that you feel the same sense of urgency around time that I do.

但很明顯，你對時間的緊迫感和我是一樣的。

And there are seven things that I have done this year that have really helped me prioritize the time that I have with Oakley.

今年，我做了七件事，真正幫助我優先安排了與奧克利在一起的時間。

The first thing that you need to do is you gotta say it's a priority.

你需要做的第一件事就是，你得說這是一個優先事項。

And that's exactly what I did.

我正是這麼做的。

I said last year, it is a priority in my life this year to spend as much time as I can with Oakley because I've already missed out on too much.

我去年就說過，今年我生活中的首要任務就是儘可能多地陪伴奧克利，因為我已經錯過了太多。

I'm gonna say that again.

我再說一遍。

It is a priority for me to spend as much time as I can with our son, Oakley, before he leaves for college because I've already missed out on too much.

我的當務之急是在兒子奧克利上大學之前儘可能多地陪伴他，因為我已經錯過了太多。

I know that that ice cube has melted and I was not there for it, but I'm gonna be there now.

我知道冰塊已經融化了，而我卻不在那裡，但我現在要在那裡。

And I wanna break down this statement because this is the first step.

我想把這句話分解一下，因為這是第一步。

It's kind of obvious, but there's two parts.

這有點顯而易見，但有兩個部分。

You have to say this is a priority.

你必須說這是一個優先事項。

You have to do that.

你必須這樣做。

And I want you to stop and think right now as you're listening, who is it for you?

我希望你們在聆聽的過程中停下來想一想，對你們來說，誰才是最重要的？

I'm serious.

我是認真的。

Who is the priority for you right now?

誰是你現在的首要任務？

If you could pick one person that was your priority this year to make sure that you make the most of the time that you have with them this year, who is it?

如果你能選出一個人，讓他成為你今年的首要任務，確保你充分利用今年與他在一起的時間，他會是誰呢？

Well, I've got two people.

有兩個人

Obviously, Oakley.

顯然是奧克利。

Oakley's graduating from high school, but there's another one.

奧克利高中畢業了，但還有另一個人。

My dad is turning 80 in August.

我父親八月份就滿 80 歲了。

And when I think about my dad being 80 years old, both my grandfathers were dead by this time.

想想我的父親已經 80 歲了，而我的兩個祖父在這個時候都已經去世。

Chris's dad died at the age of 69.

克里斯的父親去世時年僅 69 歲。

So for me, this is a real priority.

是以，對我來說，這是一個真正的優先事項。

Like I have this sense that the time is slipping through my hands and we're not gonna get it back.

我有種感覺，時間正在從我手中溜走，我們再也找不回來了。

What about you?

你呢？

Who's the person that you wanna make a priority this year?

誰是你今年想優先考慮的人？

Maybe it's your best friend.

也許是你最好的朋友。

You never see them.

你從未見過他們。

They moved on, they have a big job or whatever, and every time you pick up the phone and call them, you're like, we should get together, we should get together, but you never make plans.

他們搬走了，他們有了一份重要的工作或其他什麼，每次你拿起電話打給他們，你都會想，我們應該聚一聚，我們應該聚一聚，但你從來沒有計劃過。

Maybe it's grandparent.

也許是祖父母。

That time just keeps passing and you realize, oh my gosh,

時間不斷流逝，你會發現，天哪、

I haven't seen my grandmother in three years.

我已經三年沒見過我奶奶了。

I mean, she lives halfway across the country and she's in a retirement home, or maybe it's your siblings.

我的意思是，她住在大半個國家的另一端，她住在養老院裡，或者是你的兄弟姐妹。

There's someone in your life that needs to become a priority.

你生命中的某個人需要優先考慮。

And I wanna talk about the second part of that sentence, because the second part of the sentence is just important as the first part where you say, it is a priority for me to spend more time with this person.

我想談談這句話的後半部分，因為後半部分和前半部分一樣重要，在前半部分，你說 "我的首要任務是花更多的時間和這個人在一起"。

The second part of the sentence that I said is, because I've already missed out on too much.

我說的第二部分是，因為我已經錯過了太多。

This is the recognition of the water and the puddle that the melting ice cube is sitting in.

這是對水和融化的冰塊所處的水坑的認識。

This is the part of the relationship where you left the room while the ice cube was on the counter and time passed and you come back and holy cow, you realize there's a lot that I missed out on.

在這段關係中，當冰塊放在臺面上時，你離開了房間，時間流逝，當你回來時，你發現我錯過了很多。

And it's so important for you to let yourself feel this second piece.

讓自己感受這第二部分對你來說非常重要。

What have I missed out on by allowing myself to be too busy?

因為太忙，我錯過了什麼？

And I really want you to drop in and feel this because it's important and it's uncomfortable.

我真的希望你們能參與進來，感受這一點，因為這很重要，也很不舒服。

And there's a reason why, and I wanna unpack this a little bit.

這是有原因的，我想稍微解釋一下。

It's because when you think about all the things that you missed out on, you're of course gonna feel bad.

因為當你想到你錯過的所有事情時，你當然會感到難過。

But I wanna explain what that feeling is, that tension, that time that has passed, the things that you missed out on, like the things that I've missed out on with our son.

但我想解釋那種感覺是什麼，那種緊張，那種逝去的時光，那些你錯過的東西，就像我和兒子錯過的東西一樣。

You know what that is?

你知道那是什麼嗎？

That's grief that you're feeling.

這是你的悲痛。

And the thing that's beautiful about grief is that grief is just all the love that you have for a person that you haven't expressed or you didn't get a chance to express.

悲傷的美妙之處在於，悲傷是你對一個人的愛，而這些愛你沒有表達出來，或者沒有機會表達出來。

And it's an expression of love.

這是愛的表達。

And I want you to sit with that for just a second and really think about what have you missed out on?

我希望你們能靜下心來，想一想你們錯過了什麼？

And it's a powerful motivational force when you really tap into that, wow,

當你真正利用這一點時，它就會產生強大的動力、

I'm kind of bummed that this happened because I really love this person.

發生這種事我有點沮喪，因為我真的很愛這個人。

I feel that way about my parents all the time.

我一直對我的父母有這種感覺。

They live a 16-hour drive from here.

他們住在離這裡 16 小時車程的地方。

And I have a lot of grief about how much of my life has gone by without seeing them all the time.

而我的一生中，有多少時間是在看不到他們的情況下度過的，這讓我感到非常悲傷。

And it's important for you to feel this because it is a motivational force to get you to wake up and take this seriously.

讓你感受到這一點很重要，因為它是一種動力，能讓你清醒過來，認真對待這件事。

Because I think, yeah, yeah, yeah,

因為我覺得，是的，是的，是的、

I know Mel, time's passing.

我知道梅爾，時間在流逝。

Yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

是啊，是啊，是啊，等等，等等，等等，等等。

But we're too cavalier about this.

但我們對此太輕率了。

And when I sit in the grief of what I've missed out on, for me, there's a lot.

當我沉浸在錯過的悲痛中時，對我來說，我錯過了很多。

I mean, boy, particularly with our daughters, because if I think back,

我的意思是，孩子，尤其是我們的女兒，因為如果我回想一下，

I was the only breadwinner in our household when our daughters were in middle school and high school.

女兒們上國中和高中時，我是家裡唯一的經濟支柱。

I mean, I was responsible for earning the money.

我的意思是，我有責任掙錢。

And the thing is, is it wasn't just to pay the bills.

問題是，這不僅僅是為了支付賬單。

We were so in debt.

我們負債累累。

I felt this extraordinary amount of pressure to keep working, not to slow down.

我感到了巨大的壓力，必須繼續工作，不能放慢腳步。

I felt like I had zero freedom to say no to anything, to have any boundaries with work whatsoever.

我覺得自己沒有任何自由可以拒絕任何事情，也沒有任何工作界限。

And so I not only left the room,

於是，我不僅離開了房間、

I was gone while that ice cube was melting.

冰塊融化的時候，我已經離開了。

Because somebody needed to pay the lacrosse fee.

因為有人需要支付長曲棍球費。

Somebody needed to pay the car payments.

需要有人來支付車款。

Somebody needed to pay for the eighth grade

有人需要支付八年級的學費

Washington DC field trip that so many public high school students go on.

許多公立高中學生都會參加的華盛頓特區實地考察。

I miss my daughter Sawyer's entire varsity lacrosse season.

我想念我女兒索耶的整個長曲棍球校隊賽季。

I miss the majority of our daughter Kendall's varsity field games.

我錯過了女兒肯德爾的大部分校隊比賽。

And there was a time even not so long ago when I was living separately from Oakley and Chris, because they had moved up to Southern Vermont and it was in the middle of the pandemic and I had to stay in Boston in order to keep the company afloat.

就在不久前，我還和奧克利和克里斯分居兩地，因為他們搬到了南佛蒙特州，當時正值流感大流行，我不得不留在波士頓，以維持公司的運轉。

So I also missed out on like two and a half years of living with Oakley and Chris and being part of his day-to-day high school, even though it was mostly remote.

是以，我也錯過了與奧克利和克里斯一起生活的兩年半時間，也錯過了參與他高中生活的日子，儘管大部分時間都是在遙遠的地方。

And I bet if you're a working parent or a working grandparent, or you're really busy in your job and you never see your parents, you're probably nodding along, right?

我敢打賭，如果你是一名在職父母或在職祖父母，或者你工作非常繁忙，從未見過你的父母，你可能會點頭同意，對嗎？

If you're that grandparent who lives really far away from your kids and you don't get to just show up at the soccer games, you're like, yeah, I feel this Mel.

如果你是那種住得離孩子很遠的祖父母，而你又不能在孩子踢球的時候出現，你就會覺得，是啊，我覺得梅爾就是這樣的人。

I feel this deep in my heart.

我從內心深處感受到了這一點。

If you're the parent that has been like just slugging away, trying to pay the bills, my God, like it's, what are you gonna do?

如果你的父母一直在努力工作，試圖支付賬單，我的上帝，就像它，你該怎麼辦？

I get it.

我明白了。

And you're probably thinking about this and you're also thinking about how it relates to your parents as they're getting older.

你可能也在思考這個問題，你也在思考這與你父母的關係，因為他們正在變老。

And the reason why I want you to think about these things that you missed out on from a place of grief is so that you tap into the love that you have for people.

我之所以希望你從悲傷的角度去思考這些你錯過的事情，是為了讓你挖掘出你對人們的愛。

I don't want you to feel guilty about what you needed to do because it's not gonna make you wanna change if all you're doing is making yourself wrong.

我不想讓你為你需要做的事情感到內疚，因為如果你所做的一切都是在讓自己犯錯，那也不會讓你想要改變。

And besides, if you're making yourself wrong about what you did in the past, is that gonna change it?

再說，如果你讓自己對過去的所作所為產生誤解，這能改變什麼嗎？

No, but when you reframe this feeling as grief that it's just the love like that you didn't get to express physically, it will fuel the motivation that you have to change and to wake up right now and to start to take this seriously.

不是的，但是當你把這種感覺重新定義為悲傷，認為這只是你沒能用身體表達出來的愛，這會激發你改變的動力，讓你立刻清醒過來，開始認真對待這件事。

In fact, research says that grief and regret can be really good when you use it to motivate yourself to change behavior in the future.

事實上，研究表明，當你用悲傷和悔恨來激勵自己在未來改變行為時，悲傷和悔恨確實是件好事。

So that's the first thing.

所以這是第一件事。

I want you to say it out loud.

我要你大聲說出來。

I want you to have right now the person or the two people that you're really gonna prioritize this year.

我希望你們現在就確定今年真正要優先考慮的人或兩個人。

And then I want you to just sit just for a minute with that grief.

然後，我想讓你帶著悲傷坐一會兒。

I want you to think about the things that you weren't there for, the things that maybe you missed out on because you got really busy or you had a ton of stuff that you needed to do or life just happened.

我想讓你想想那些你沒有參與的事情，那些你可能因為太忙、有一大堆事情要做或者生活發生了變故而錯過的事情。

It's okay, but now what are we gonna do about it?

沒關係，但現在我們該怎麼辦呢？

Because here's the second tool.

因為這是第二個工具。

I'll tell you what you're gonna do about it.

我來告訴你該怎麼做。

You're gonna tell people.

你要告訴別人

You cannot keep this a secret buried in your heart.

你不能把這個祕密埋藏在心底。

And just for background, like a lot of you,

和你們很多人一樣，我只是想了解一下背景情況、

I traveled for work.

我出差是為了工作。

And when I wasn't on the road for work,

當我不在路上工作的時候、

I would be on Zoom calls after dinner or on phone calls on the side of the soccer matches.

我會在晚飯後接聽 Zoom 電話，或者在足球比賽時接聽電話。

I've been the one that's been late to the parent teacher conferences.

我一直是家長會遲到的那個。

If I made them at all,

如果我做了的話、

I had never been in a position to be the person that was the sports team parent.

我從來沒有當過運動隊家長。

I'd never been the homeroom parent.

我從來沒有當過班主任。

You know, I took 95% of my energy in the past and just aimed it all at paying off our debt, paying our mortgage.

要知道，過去我把 95% 的精力都用在了還債和還房貸上。

And it was that way for a really long time.

這種情況持續了很長一段時間。

And I just felt like I didn't have the bandwidth or the flexibility to do the things that I really wished I would have been able to do.

我只是覺得，我沒有足夠的帶寬和靈活性去做我真正希望能做的事情。

And maybe you don't either.

也許你也不知道。

Maybe you don't either.

也許你也不知道。

And I need you to hear that it doesn't make you a bad parent.

我需要你聽我說，這並不意味著你是個壞父母。

The fact is I didn't feel like a bad parent back then when I was constantly working, because I knew that what I was doing mattered.

事實上，在我不斷工作的時候，我並不覺得自己是個不稱職的父母，因為我知道我所做的一切都很重要。

And I knew that it was a way that I could support my family.

我知道這是我養家餬口的一種方式。

And I just tried hard to work on being there in other ways.

我只是努力工作，以其他方式陪伴他們。

But there was something inside of me just recently when I saw this study, the American Time Study, and I stopped and I truly reflected on this statistic.

但就在最近，當我看到這項研究，即《美國時間研究》時，我內心深處有一種感覺，我停下了腳步，真切地反思了這一統計數據。

Holy cow, this is it for me.

天哪，這就是我的夢想。

Like, this is it.

就是這樣

I mean, this is my last kid in high school.

我是說，這是我最後一個上高中的孩子了。

This is the last year of high school.

今年是高中的最後一年。

I'm not missing out on a chance to be a bigger part of his high school life.

我不會錯過在他高中生活中扮演更重要角色的機會。

And that doesn't mean any drastic changes.

但這並不意味著要做出任何重大改變。

And this is the good news.

這就是好消息。

It's not like I quit my job.

我又沒有辭職。

It doesn't mean I changed a thousand things.

這並不意味著我改變了千篇一律的東西。

But I did do a few little things.

但我還是做了一些小事。

And it started with first saying, this is a priority because I'm not gonna miss out on anything more.

一開始，我首先說，這是當務之急，因為我不會再錯過任何事情了。

And the second thing is I got very vocal.

第二件事是我變得非常善於表達。

And this is a big change for me.

這對我來說是一個很大的改變。

I had to tell Chris, I had to tell Oakley,

我必須告訴克里斯，我必須告訴奧克利、

I had to tell everybody that I work with that this is a priority not to miss out on all the things that I've been missing out on.

我必須告訴所有與我共事的人，這是一個優先事項，不要錯過我一直錯過的所有事情。

This is a priority to not be working on the weekends.

這是週末不工作的首要任務。

This is a priority to stop working certain days at three o'clock to be sure that I can be there.

這是一個優先事項，在某些日子裡，我必須在三點鐘停止工作，以確保我能到場。

I'm doing the same thing with my parents.

我對我的父母也是這樣做的。

I mentioned earlier that I don't want the time to slip through my hands with my dad.

我之前說過，我不想讓時間從我和父親的手中溜走。

You know, what's funny about my parents is turns out my parents haven't been waiting for my call.

你知道嗎，我父母的有趣之處在於，原來我父母並沒有在等我的電話。

You know, I'm like, I wanna see you guys more.

我想多見見你們。

Let's make a plan.

讓我們制定一個計劃。

They're busy.

他們很忙

They're getting their haircuts and doing Mahjong and playing golf.

他們理髮、打麻將、打高爾夫。

And I keep saying, we doing something for your 80th dad?

我一直在說，我們要為你 80 歲的父親做點什麼嗎？

My dad's like, I don't want a surprise.

我爸爸說，我不想要驚喜。

I don't know.

我不知道。

I might do something with the golf guys.

我可能會和那些高爾夫球手一起做點什麼。

It's okay.

沒關係。

You know, I don't wanna do this.

我不想這麼做

I'm like, okay, okay.

我想，好吧，好吧。

You gotta tell the people that are a priority to you that you're gonna do something different this year, that you're gonna take the lead.

你要告訴那些你優先考慮的人，今年你要做一些不同的事情，你要起帶頭作用。

And here's one other thing that I need you to do.

我還需要你做一件事。

You know that person that you had in mind that you're like, okay, I gotta make them a priority.

你知道你心目中的那個人，你會想，好吧，我得讓他們成為優先考慮的對象。

Whether it's one of your kids, whether it's a sibling, whether it's a parent,

無論是你的孩子、兄弟姐妹還是父母、

I want you to share this episode with them and just send it to them in a little text, just, you know, forward them this episode and say, this really made me think about you.

我希望你能與他們分享這一集，用小簡訊發給他們，就是，你知道的，把這一集轉發給他們，然後說，這真的讓我想到了你。

And I wanna see you and I'm gonna make it a priority and I'm gonna call you later and we're gonna make a plan.

我想見你，我會優先考慮的 我晚點會給你打電話，我們制定個計劃

I love you.

我愛你

Time is slipping through your hands.

時間正從你手中溜走。

It's like a melting ice cube.

就像融化的冰塊。

Isn't it amazing how there can be an ice cube on the countertop in your kitchen, or maybe it drops on the floor and you're like, oh, I'll pick that up later.

廚房的檯面上可能會有冰塊，或者冰塊掉在了地板上，你會想，哦，我一會兒再撿起來，這不是很神奇嗎？

And an hour later, you walk back in, gone.

一個小時後，你再走進去，就不見了。

That's exactly what happens with time.

這正是時間的作用。

The time that you have with people that you love is a melting ice cube.

與你愛的人在一起的時光就像融化的冰塊。