You know what a Karen is?

Someone who gets, they start to complain about a comedy show?

Oh yeah, it happens all the time.

You never know who's gonna complain at your show.

And so I just try to avoid the situation completely.

Now, I don't like the term Karen because it's a little racial.

It's an annoying white woman who complains.

That's not fair.

There's annoying women of every ethnicity.

Let's be honest.

Yes, we've all met one.

There's Latina Karens.

They don't have a name.

I call them Karenitas.

Asian Karens, Kyrens, let's talk about it.

There's black Karens, Kanainais.

There's some Kanainais out there.

Let's just be equal.

That's all I'm saying.

I got to do a really cool show during the pandemic though.

This one group hired me.

It's the Latter Day Saints Singles Conference in Orange County, California.

How many Latter Day Saints people are here?

LDS Mormons?

Yeah, Mormons?

Yeah.

And you're not supposed to say Mormon, so I say LDS.

And what's great about it is I love LDS people.

I went to LDS last year.

I love LDS people.

I went to high school with them.

They're such nice people.

More people need to know.

I mean, these are the kind of kids that would TP your house and then clean it up the next morning before you woke up.

Didn't even know what happened.

Yeah.

Very nice.

A lot of you are like, that doesn't happen.

Yes, it does.

You just didn't know what happened.

That's how good they were.

I like nice people.

You know what I don't like?

Fake victims.

This is getting too far.

Fake victims.

Everyone's a victim.

People are always trying to tell you how they're a victim.

Now you go to work.

They're going to tell you their pronouns.

I'm they, them.

I'm she, her.

There's going to be a guy named Earl going,

I'm plum, her.

I'm your plumber.

I don't know what we're talking about.

Okay?

I'm going to go plunge.

Right?

I saw one of the,

I saw Megan Rapinoe, who's a soccer player for the United States soccer team, go to the White House and say, this country isn't fair.

I don't like seeing that.

I love America.

She's like, this country's not fair for me.

I'm like, you're at the White House and you get paid to play soccer.

That's a privilege.

God bless America.

All right?

Yes.

What a great country.

I even did some research.

She gets $3 million a year to play soccer, you guys.

Not even real soccer, women's soccer.

There's going to be a Will Smith after the show.

Keep her name out your mouth.

That's a mean joke.

So I'm going to apologize.

If you can tell me, when's their next game?

Solutions.

All right?

We need solutions.

I have solutions for diversity.

We need diversity in every industry.

That's what we need.

Now, when I look at the NBA, that basketball court does not have a lot of diversity, but I came up with a solution.

We use technology to help everyone play in the NBA.

We need to raise or lower the backboard according to what ethnicity is running towards it during the game.

That's fair.

Like if LeBron's going, not 10 feet, 13.

Make it a little harder for him.

Some people from Utah, nine feet.

Asians.

Some of you are like,

Kevon, what about Latinos?

Make it fence high.

They can still get over it.

Some of you are like, what would Latinos say if they heard that?

They love that joke.

I just performed in Arizona.

This guy after the show goes, hey, you're stupid.

We would go under the court.

El Chapo style.

I was like, touche.

The reason I can do all these different jokes is because I'm a minority myself.

Now, I know you're looking at me.

You're going, Kevon, you just look regular white.

Ah, ah, ah.

Not so fast.

My dad is Persian.

My mom is Scottish.

That's rare.

I call it Harry Pottish.

That's right.

People are like, that's not a minority.

Yes, it is.

Half Persian?

Nobody's half Persian out there, man.

And what's crazy is people go, you don't seem Persian to me.

I'm like, that's because I use cologne responsibly.

Two sprays, not two bottles.

Come on.

Yeah.

You've been to the bathroom.

You've been to the bathroom.

You've been to the bathroom.

Yeah.

You've been in an Uber.

You know what I'm talking about.

All right.

Some people have the gall to think I'm making it up.

I'm like, I'm not making it up.

If you look closely, you can tell

I have my dad's beautiful, dark Persian eyes, but I have my mom's American features.

So unfortunately, I just look like a tired white guy.

Women don't even know I'm exotic.

They think I'm exhausted.

And I am exhausted.

I've been a victim, but nobody wants to hear my stories.

Okay.

One time I went to get a haircut at a new salon and they said they don't even do haircuts for men.

They sent me out of there.

I felt foolish.

I'm like, oh, I have to go somewhere else because the way I was born?

That's discrimination.

Now there's no Supreme Court case pending.

No lawyers like, I'll help you.

Nope.

I had to stick up for myself.

I go, would you have cut a woman's hair if she drove a Subaru?

They're like, yeah.

I'm like, well, that's the same haircut I was going for.

Beep, beep.

That's right.

I have been a victim.

Here's how big a victim I am.

This is unbelievable.

I went to get an allergy test.

They put this little thing on my back and they scratched me with all kinds of irritants.

And it turns out I'm allergic to cats and watermelon, which is crazy because Persians are known for cats and watermelon.

Yeah, see, you didn't even know that.

That's how big a minority I am.

Yeah.

For a Persian to be allergic to cats and watermelon, it's like being Mexican and allergic to tacos and landscaping.

Thank you.

I was hoping somebody would understand me.

You get me.

Thank you.

Are you Latina?

Hey, you see, she knows.

She's like, of course I am.

I'll meet you under the court.

We'll go get some tacos.

That's right.

But I appreciate you guys laughing, but I got to tell you, we need to laugh now more than ever.

And I try to make people laugh even when I'm out in the streets, not just on this stage.

That's our job as comedians.

And one time I went to the airport and I had the perfect opportunity to make somebody laugh.

Cause my name is Kayvon Moezi.

It's very Persian.

My brother, Shaheen Moezi.

Now my mom, Margaret, didn't get to name us, obviously.

But I love having a weird name cause I can have fun with it.

Sometimes I give people my ID.

They're like, what's that name?

If I don't have time,

I'm like, it's Kevin Moezi, right?

But sometimes I crank it up even more ethnic.

One time I went to the airport in Atlanta, Georgia.

There's a black dude working TSA.

Give him my ID.

He's like, all right, Kevin, have a good day.

I go, no, sir.

That's not my name.

He's like, it's not Kevin?

I'm like, nah, dog.

That's Kayvon.

And I knew he liked it cause his voice went up a little bit.

He's like, your name Kayvon?

That's cool, man.

All right, Kayvon.

I like that.

Have a good day, Kayvon.

I'm like, you didn't get my last name yet.

He's like, hold on, Kayvon.

Let me see your last name.

Moezi?

I'm like, nah, player.

That's Moezi.

His voice went up even higher.

Your name is Kayvon Moezi?

That's your real name?

I go, yeah.

And he said the funniest thing.

He goes, how do you get a black name?

Are you black?

I'm like, no, sir.

I'm Persian.

He's like, nah, that's black.

That's a black name.

But we were arguing, but in a fun way.

That's America.

That's what we should be doing, right?

Interacting, laughing, yeah.

Right.

But it was so cool to make instant friends with somebody, but over a topic that might scare others.

He was like, let me tell you something, Kayvon Moezi.

That's the blackest name I've seen all day.

And this is the Atlanta airport, so you know that's a black name.

So I felt comfortable.

I'm like, well, then I'm gonna go to the x-ray machine black.

He's like, go ahead.

I'm like, all right, here I go then.

He's like, that's not how we walk.

I'm like, it's my first day.

Shut up.

Shut up.