Hey! Give me all your money!

Woah woah woah! We have to roll for initiative to see who attacks first!

Oh, I got a five! And judging by your dexterity modifier, you'll have to-

Woah! My man purse!

There's so many evil residents!

Leon, where are you? I'm gonna get you!

Oh no! A nine foot six tall vampire lady! I hope she doesn't find me here in my hiding spot!

I hope she doesn't find me and peg the shit out of me!

Oh, that'd be awful! No! Don't look for me!

Ugh. No. No. No. Not gonna do it. Not gonna do it.

Hello?

Excuse me, young man. Can you help me cross the street?

Thank you so much, young man.

No!

Wheels are so overrated. Like, ooh, you go like that.

It's just like round and round.

Do you want to make me beautiful so I can be loved?

No!

Sorry, she just pops up everywhere I go.

Help me! I need a stranger to clean me!

Okay, fine. What do you need?

Match three oblong beans to give me a shower.

Okay. There.

Ah! I'm still ugly! Pay $2.99 to shave my armpits!

Fine.

Dude, really? What? It's not that much money.

So I was like, who is this Rorschach guy and why does he keep drawing pictures of my parents fighting?

That's really funny.

Hey Greg, you tell us a joke.

Come!

Did you hear that? Say it again! Say it again!

Hey, uh, I'm recording this message just so that you know, uh, some of these animatronics are going to try to kill you.

What?

Don't worry. As long as you keep an eye on all the rooms, you should be safe.

Just don't look at Chica's room. Some really f***ed up s*** happens in there.

Okay, well, now I'm definitely going to look in Chica's room.

Oh! Oh, gosh!

Oh, I hope I make it through the night without an animatronic pegging me viciously!

What?

Oh, I just want to survive the night without Chica shoving her whole beak up my butt!

Ew.

I just need to make it to 6am without my butt getting destroyed by an animatronic.

Whatever, I'd rather die.

Pikachu, use AK-47 attack!

Pika?

Alright folks, that's it on this competition. It's time to announce the winner of this Mario Party.

I can't believe I won first place in the Mario Party!

But first, we gotta hand out those bonus stars.

Person wearing the most yellow, Wario.

Wah!

Person with the softest hands, Wario.

Wah!

Person who just blew a .8 on a breathalyzer, Wario.

Wah!

Person with the most STDs, Wario.

Person with the least friends, Luigi.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Person with the most illegitimate kids, Wario.

Wah!

Person who did not open an incognito tab when googling John Wick feet pics, that's gotta be Wario.

Wah!

Making our winner, having won no games, Wario.

Wario.

Wah!

That's a ball of s***!

So how much do you get paid for doing this?

That's the thing. I just do this for fun.

Captain, I just checked the flight path. You spent 14 hours drawing a penis over Russia. You're gonna lose your job for this!

Ah, that's the thing. I just do this for fun.

Thank you for putting your life on the line, fighting to rid the galaxy of the rising alien threat. You truly are a defender of democracy.

That's the thing. I just do this for fun.

Hee hee hee hee!

I'm here and I'm ready to take on the alien threat!

I hope the alien bugs don't catch me in such a compromising position.

But I'll do anything for Super Earth!

Robots, bugs, I don't care! I'll get f***ed for democracy!

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