Wow, it's beautiful.

Many of Hogwarts greatest alums once graced these halls.

Some of them have become legend.

Hello, hello.

Did somebody say legend?

Wow.

Harry Potter.

That's right.

The boy who lived in the flesh.

Congratulations to all of you for being accepted to Hogwarts.

These are going to be the best days of your lives.

Honestly, the best.

It does not get better.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I thought I'd apparate in for the weekend.

Welcome the newbies.

Feels like just yesterday I was here.

You were here yesterday and the day before, which is odd considering you graduated ten years ago.

Ha, yes.

So, is who has not been named giving you any trouble?

Voldemort?

No, he's dead.

Oh, that's right.

I killed him.

Remember that?

Yeah, that was great.

Yeah, let's all celebrate.

You love it, kids.

Yeah.

Oh, just eliminated all evil all over the world.

You're welcome.

I did that when I was 18.

And just yesterday, this is equally exciting, I bought a Volvo.

Let's celebrate.

Who's thirsty?

Mr. Potter, you know very well we do not allow alcohol on these Brimos here.

Don't worry.

It's just butter beer, is it?

Harry?

Oh, Harry James Potter.

You're back.

Again.

Ron, Hermione.

How are you?

Well, we're teachers now, remember?

Yeah, we work here so it's not weird.

Ah, I see.

But, um, I'm not sure if you're right, Harry Potter.

I'm not sorry.

I'm not sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

The gang's all back together.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey Harry, I-I thought you were out of town, mate.

Oh, well yeah, I've been...

I've been touring, autograph shows, doing magic, making things disappear.

You know, one thing I-I can't make disappear?

My mortgage!

Hah.

You know what I'm talking about.

I don't.

Well.

Well, well, well.

Harry Potter.

Oh, Malfoy...

Still hanging round, lurking.

You can't keep living in the past, mate.

I'm a varsity seeker, first year.

It doesn't happen often.

So, uh, what do you want, Malfoy?

Oh, uh, just wanted to say hello.

My wife and I are dropping off our daughter for orientation.

She said she saw you outside playing Quidditch alone.

And making cheering noises.

Was that you?

No.

Yes.

But, you know, still having fun, though.

Not boring and married like you.

He's not the only one, Harry Malfoy.

Hagrid!

You too?

Yep.

Tied the knot.

I married Luna Lovegood here.

He's huge.

Yep.

Yep.

The lonely janitor in a trench coat who lives just off campus found love with a student.

Who would have guessed?

Well, that's-that's brilliant.

I'm so glad to hear we're all doing great.

Not everyone.

Professor Snape.

Still watching me from beyond.

Hello, Potter.

I used to think this bloke was working for the Dark Lord.

Turns out he was looking after me the whole time.

Oops.

Oops?

Really?

Harry, you turned out magnificently.

Definitely worth sacrificing my life.

You're being sarcastic, I can't tell you.

All right, Harry.

We've got to get back to work, mate.

Good to see you, Harry.

Oh, well, yeah.

Well, yeah, hold on.

Who wants to reenact the fight I had with Voldemort on the bridge?

Spoiler alert, I win.

Yay!

Yeah, go on then, kids.

Yes.

Off you go.

I'll be right behind you.

Still got it.