Oh, hi there.

Hi.

Do you mind if I ask you some exit polling questions?

Uh, no, that's fine.

Great.

Thank you.

Um, who did you vote for?

I voted for Mitt Romney.

And who did you vote for in 2008?

John McCain.

Okay.

You're doing great, by the way.

Thanks.

Uh, do you consider yourself a moderate Republican, a conservative Republican, a tea partier, a crazy wackadoodle, or a Democrat voting sarcastically?

Uh, I guess a moderate Republican

I guess a moderate Republican.

Great.

Uh, when you voted, were you like,

I love this guy!

Or were you like, he'll do?

Or were you like,

I don't know who any of these people are!

I guess he'll do.

Uh, am I done?

He'll do.

Am I done now?

Okay, no.

Sorry.

Um, are you male or female?

I'm sorry.

Male.

Oh.

Glad I asked.

Okay.

Which best describes your ethnicity?

Are you white?

Are you black?

Hispanic?

Asian?

Or are you a robot?

White.

Okay.

And to what age group do you belong?

18 to 24?

Yes.

Sorry, I have to read them all.

18 to 24?

Or 25 to 150?

18 to 24.

Single or married?

Single.

Oh.

Great.

Uh, gay or straight?

Uh, straight.

Okay.

Uh, Jewish?

Yes.

You're perfect.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You're perfect.

Would you ever consider going out with my friend Dianne Finkelstein?

No.

You know what?

It's probably for the best, because you're on the smaller side.

And she's so fat.

Are we done?

Um, almost.

Almost.

Okay.

Oh, this is a good one.

Um, you walk into your bedroom and turn the light.

Standing buck naked in the middle of the room is Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, or Newt Gingrich.

Which one of these options bums you out the most?

Wow.

Oh.

Well, that's tough.

Ron Paul.

No.

Newt Gingrich.

No.

Ron Paul.

Remember, buck naked.

Oh, Newt Gingrich.

You got that one right.

Uh, can you sleep on planes?

Yes.

I can't.

Do you like my new laugh?

Uh, yeah.

It's fine.

Because this is my old laugh.

The new one.

The new one is better.

Um, do you think I could pull off bangs?

Uh, I don't know.

What would that look like?

Would it look like that?

Uh, yeah.

Sure.

What about over one eye?

Uh, sure.

Do you have a preference?

Like which?

I don't have a preference.

Please.

Um, bangs.

Bangs.

Uh, I don't know.

It depends what he wants.

It would be perfect for Diane.

Uh, no.

Yes.

Again, probably for the best.

So fat.

She's so fat.

This is no longer about politics.

Okay, um, one second.

Which candidate quality mattered most in how you voted?

Has a vision for the future?

Honest and trustworthy?

Stands up for what he believes in?

Uh, a vision for the future.

All right.

Uh, follow up.

What do you consider the most likely vision for the future?

Monkeys still in cages?

Monkeys in charge?

Or no more monkeys?

Uh, monkeys in cages.

Okay.

Follow up to the follow up.

Have you seen the new Planet of the Apes?

I have not.

Okay.

Follow up, follow up, follow up.

Would you be into this?

I bring the Planet of the Apes DVD to your house.

You open a bottle of wine.

We forget about fat Diane and see what happens.

No.

Absolutely not.

Final question.

Where do you get off?

I'm switching you to gay.

Robot.

I'm a robot.

I'm a robot.

I'm a robot.