I have a massive package for you, and I also got this box!

Please, just stop it with the innuendos.

I'm getting tired of it.

Anyway, are those my Doritos, bruh?

I had a package coming in.

What?

No!

Why would the box be so big?

Cause I'm hungry, bruh.

You absolute troglodytes.

The box is mine.

Oh, cool!

What'd you get?

My new girlfriend.

What?

You're replacing me?

Yes.

Oh, well, let me help you open the box.

Whoops, I hope I didn't break anything.

My new girlfriend better have a... return policy.

Don't worry, I'm sure they're fine.

Oh no, she's stupid.

You must have hit her head.

You're replacing me with a cat?

I didn't know you were a furry.

I'm not a furry.

I watched the entirety of Zootopia.

So?

Completely soft.

Whoa!

Bruh, most people don't even get past putting the DVD in!

Oh my god, I was bought by a bunch of incels!

Boy, bruv, just moved into the neighborhood, looking for a cup of sugar.

Quick, run!

This man is a furry, he's gonna bleep you!

Don't make fun of the furry community.

Why not?

If they can afford a $2,000 fursuit, they can afford a $10 pipe bomb in my mailbox.

Well, I guess I'm more surprised you got a catboy.

Lies.

I know a babe when I see one.

Trust me, master.

I kinda got a sixth sense for these type of things.

What?

She looks like a girl, though.

Master, please!

The government puts enough estrogen in one glass of tap water to give any man huge hamalulogos.

Bruh, that's why I always drink my lemonade without the water.

You're just jealous I got a girlfriend.

Yeah, and all it took was your credit card.

Shut it.

I can prove it.

I want you to imagine a cute gamer girlfriend.

Okay, I'm imagining it.

Good, cause that's the only place it's gonna exist.

In your imagination!

Oh no, he's right.

Gamer girls don't exist!

I was a fool!

Bruh, you don't gotta have an existential crisis, bruh.

You could just ask them what they is.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, you a boy or a girl?

Which gender gets more free stuff?

Female.

Bruh, there's a limit to how based we can be.

Anyway, as my new probably girlfriend, I expect you to do girlfriend things.

Like tell me if caves are natural formations.

I have a boyfriend.

Astolfo, I'm sorry for trying to replace you with that dumb cat.

It's okay, master.

I'm also sorry for trying to gaslight you into thinking you're my gay furry.

And that deep down, you really do care about me.

I'll break up with my boyfriend if you give me free stuff.

Deal.