So how dark do you want to be? We have one, two, or three?

Well, I like how you look. What are you?

Puerto Rican. - Two. I think a two.

You're gonna face the red light.

When the red light goes on, the spraying's about to start, so close your eyes.

When the spraying stops, count to five.

Pat yourself down to avoid drip marks, then turn around so we can get your back. You got it?

Spray, count, pat, and turn. Spray, count, and pat.

Wow, you catch on quick.

Well, I have a PhD, so...

One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi...

Wait, wait! I'm not finished counting!

You sprayed my front twice!

You never turned?

No, I barely even got to three Mississippi.

Mississippi? I said count to five.

Mississippi-lessly?

Well, how bad is it?

Not that bad yet, but it keeps getting darker for the next four hours.

So how dark is it going to get?

Oh, you got sprayed with two twos and...

I'm a four?

Yeah, but your back's a zero. You're going to want to even that out.

Really?

You might want to get back in there. - Oh, okay!

Wait, wait a minute. There's no light on the back wall.

How do I know when it's going to start?

Hello?

Oh, my eyes!

The same thing happened again!

You got two more twos?

I'm an eight!

Hold on. There's something different.

I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.

Was that place The Sun?

Oh, and it gets worse.

Oh, my God. You can do a duet of Ebony and Ivory all by yourself.

How could you mess this up? It's so easy.

You go into the booth, you count to five, and you turn around.

How do you count to five?

One, two, three... - Damn it!

I know!

Now, let me explain how this works.

You go into the booth, and you face the... - I'm going to stop you right there, Glenda.

Does it look like this is my first time?

Now, I want four twos, and I want them all on my back.

Okay.

Wait a minute. There's two sets of nozzles. Which one is it?

Son of a bitch!

Dude, it's Chandler. Let me in.

Go away. I don't want to see anybody.

I know. I went to the tanning place, and the same thing happened to me. You have to let me in.

Really?

Did you count Mississippil-ly?

You're not tan?

No. I just had to get a picture of this.

I'll see you later.