My name is Christy and I grew up in the Baptist Church and I was a Christian until my early 20s when I Deconstructed everything I knew about my faith and about my reality and I set off on a journey to find truth.

It is now 13 plus years later.

I have not found the ultimate truth, but I think that's the point I think the point is to get to a point where you become comfortable just saying I don't know I don't know what's beyond this.

I don't know who God is.

I don't know what my purpose here is on earth I'm just I'm gonna live and I'm gonna enjoy it and I'm not going to hold myself accountable to all of these Rules and obligations that were put upon me by other people my goal here is to help and encourage you to find your own path and to help you deconstruct and sort through these things that Again, we weren't allowed to question when we were growing up in the church.

So today I want to talk about five Bible verses that Sparked my deconstruction and caused me to inevitably lose my faith.

There are a lot of unsavory things in the Bible, but these Specifically are verses that I felt I could not justify I could not find a good reason that they would be in the Bible that they would be a part of God's divine Inspired word and it just made me realize that this is a man-made book Written and used as a tool of oppression you do like what I do here and you want to support me You can do that by watching the video all the way through by liking it when it's done and then also leaving a positive comment If you are not already subscribed you should be and you should be ringing the notification bell because if you don't ring the bell Then you won't be notified when I post new content Don't forget about my merch shop Jezebel vibes comm slash shop where I take hate comments that I've received and reclaim them on Clothing if you want to be shirt twins if you want to support me if you just want to wear something That's a little irreverent and expresses your attitude toward traditional Christian values Just go to Jezebel vibes comm slash shop or visit the link in the description So The first passage I want to talk about is from Romans 9 which was the starting point of My deconstruction journey up until the point that I read and studied and chewed on the words in Romans 9.

I believed in a God who Created all people gave them free will and That he wanted all people to be saved But he couldn't violate their free will to save them and that it was the most loving thing he could do to give people Freedom and within that freedom they could either choose him and go to heaven or they could reject him and go to hell and that Would be entirely their choice.

I was an evangelist So I believed in going out into my communities Spreading the word trying to win as many souls as possible because I Was introduced to the concept of Calvinism and when I was introduced to this I said no way there's no way that God created people just to go to hell and Then I read Romans 9 starting in verse 16 It does not therefore depend on human desire or effort But on God's mercy for scripture says to Pharaoh I raised you up for this very purpose that I might display my power in you and that my name might be On whom he wants to have mercy and he hardens whom he wants to harden One of you will say to me then why does God still blame us for who was able to resist his will?

But who are you a human being to talk back to God shall what is formed say to the one who formed it?

Why did you make me like this?

Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for?

common use What if God Although choosing to show his wrath and make his power known bore with great patience the objects of his wrath Prepared for destruction What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy whom he prepared in?

Advance for his glory even us whom he also called not only from the Jews, but also from the Gentiles It says it it's starting in verse 16 It does not therefore depend on human desire or effort but on God's mercy Meaning there is nothing about you that can come to God and choose God has to choose you It says in verse 18 Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy and he hardens Whom he wants to harden when Christians talk about you have a hardened heart against God The Bible says that God's the one that hardened it and then it even goes on to ask well Then why does God still blame us?

You know if he created this way, how come he blames us and Paul is saying who are you to question God?

How can the clay question the potter and ask why have you made me like this?

It says what if God although choosing to show his wrath and make his power known bore with great patience the objects of his wrath prepared for destruction if Decided he wants to create you just to destroy you then he's gonna do that and that's his right You don't get to question that and realizing this Changed everything about my perspective of God realizing this made me see a God who did not desire people to be saved but instead creates people as puppets Does what he wants with them and then tells them you're not allowed to question it That is just in direct contradiction to any kind of a loving kind Father God that I was taught growing up in the church I was fed one version of God who was a loving father, but I'm learning about this completely different God Who intentionally creates people to go to hell that right there really shattered my perception of God it really caused me to start this journey of Questioning what I believed and why I believed it the second passage that really caused me to question the Bible was Psalm 137 9 and you've probably heard it It's a popular one that is used within the deconstruction community to really talk about these atrocities in the Bible and it says this Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks Now it is really important to understand the context of this verse is what's known as an imprecatory prayer It is praying evil against your enemies.

It is lamentation It is an expression of grief basically what this psalmist is writing is About how they were treated so badly by their enemies and so they want to repay them for what they've done And this is often justified by Christians in this way, you know, well, they were just expressing themselves They weren't actually bashing babies into rocks.

They just You know wanted justice they wanted revenge But my problem with that is that this is supposed to be the inspired Word of God God is supposed to be inspiring every word of this book and God never condemned them for praying this prayer.

He never said hey, don't don't think that way Don't don't be so vengeful.

Don't be so angry.

Don't don't wish for the harm of innocent babies No, this is this is Perfectly fine in God's eyes and this is perfectly fine in the eyes of Christians today who defend it and justify it But Jesus came and he said turn the other cheek love those who hate you do good to your enemies that is in complete contradiction with this verse and These are God's people that are praying it and God isn't condemning it and I just have a very difficult time finding moral value in a book where the The people of God the people that are supposed to represent God in the book are Rejoicing over the thought of harming innocent babies that doesn't make any sense to me, especially when you consider this is also the pro-life crowd and I would imagine that Christians today don't feel that it is an appropriate thing to Find joy in the thought of harming babies.

So I find it really interesting that Because of the context of the time or just because it's in the Bible it is justifiable And I just don't find that to be justifiable The third passage that really just struck me big red flags popped up when I read it was in Deuteronomy 22 starting in verse 28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and he assaults her and they are discovered He shall pay her father 50 shekels of silver He must marry the young woman for he has violated her.

He can never divorce her as long as she lives Now when I read this in the earliest stages of my deconstruction journey I was very confused and I thought there has to be an explanation for this.

There's no way that God commanded Women to marry men who assaulted them If they just paid their father like there's there's no way the Bible says this I need to figure this out I contacted my old pastor and I asked if I could discuss some things with him because I had some questions So we set up a night to have dinner.

I went over to his house I I pointed out this verse and I said, what does this mean?

Like what how can you justify this and he said yeah, you know This is what it says is true at that time in the culture You know if a man Did that to a woman she would be considered Unclean and not eligible to be married and that would ruin her life.

And so the best thing they could do is have him pay money to her father and buy her and Then he'd have to marry her and he'd have to take care of her for the rest of her life He would be obligated to do that.

That is his punishment And some people who are indoctrinated who are taught not to question it will just go.

Oh, okay That makes sense But not me.

I couldn't I could not make sense of that It'd be one thing if these were just rules that men made up that God did not approve of but this is this is a direct law of God in the Bible this kind of loophole for men to find a wife if they just Assaulted her and then they could marry her If they just you know paid her father some money and supposedly that was a lot of money back then so that was a very big punishment, but Really?

That that's how we that's how we punish the man.

I don't know any woman that would ever want to spend her life Being married to and having to submit to the man that assaulted her and I've had people ask me.

What do you recommend?

What's the solution?

I mean, she would have been an outcast.

She would have been unclean She wouldn't have been eligible for marriage.

And so what are they supposed to do?

They were trying to protect her.

I Don't know maybe God could have commanded the community to come together and take care of that woman Maybe God could have commanded the men To marry women even if they aren't virgins to not worry about if a woman was a virgin when he married her That would solve the problem right there I just came up with a better solution than God could a more moral solution an All-powerful deity couldn't come up with a better solution than a woman must marry the man who assaults her That doesn't add up for me.

It doesn't sit right with my sensibilities And so when I got that answer from him, it was not satisfactory the justification the apologetic response for this verse It's just not satisfactory for me to find good moral value in it The fourth passage that I had a really difficult time with that I still cannot find a good justification for is in Deuteronomy 20 10 through 18 When you march up to attack a city make its people an offer of peace if they accept and open their gates All the people in it shall be subject to forced labor and shall work for you If they refuse to make peace and they engage you in battle lay siege to the city When the Lord your God delivers it into your hand put to sword all the men in it as for the women the children the Livestock and everything else in the city.

You may take these as plunder for yourselves and you may use the plunder your Lord the Lord your God gives you from your enemies This is how you were to treat all cities that are at a distance from you and do not belong to the nation's nearby So God is commanding his people To go around to all the neighboring cities To offer them peace to say hey, you know, we're giving you a peace offering.

Would you like to make peace with us?

And if that city agrees to being peaceful with you You are to capture them and enslave them.

You are to force them to work for you to be your slaves So so right here right on in the very beginning.

It's it's saying to harm people that are peaceful with you To to force them to work for you to enslave them.

This is God specifically Endorsing and commanding you to enslave other people even if they're peaceful Then it says if they are not peaceful then you are to just kill them all Kill every single one of them and then take the women and children as plunder and do whatever with the plunder that you want to do Those are the spoils of your war.

What do you think that means?

Like what do you think?

it was intended when they said take the women and children and do whatever you want with them and In verse 15 it says this is how you were to treat all cities that are a distance from you and don't belong to the Nations nearby.

This is xenophobia.

This is genocide.

This is God endorsing slavery All right here in this just the small little passage There is no justification for that.

There's no reason that an all-powerful fully benevolent God Would command his people to do this to other people and I can appreciate this as a book That is a commentary on the struggles of people at that time written by men But I cannot accept this as some kind of Divinely inspired Word of God meant to provide a moral code for all people on earth the last verse that I want to bring up that I think was very very crucial in my Deconstruction was probably the most famous verse in the Bible and that's John 3 16 For God so loved the world that he gave up his only Son that whosoever believes in him shall not perish But will have everlasting life and most people point to this and they say how could you find fault in that?

How could you have a problem with that look at the love all you have to do is believe Do you see how easy that is?

But let's let's break it down just a little bit.

Let's deconstruct John 3 16 for God so loved the world so first of all Considering the other verses we've talked about.

I don't think that's accurate.

I don't think God so loved the world I don't think God loved all of those Surrounding cities of the nation of Israel that he was commanding Israel to go and kill or enslave I don't think God loved all of the women and children that God was commanding them to take his plunder and do with Whatever they wanted.

I don't think he was Loving the women that he was forcing into marriage with men that assaulted them I'm not seeing the the love God has for the world in that so right off the bat.

I feel like we're lying here Okay, God so loved the world.

Okay that he gave up his only Son Now this is loaded because It's a son but it's also him depending upon what you believe or which the domination you're a part of or even which time frame you came out of Because in the very earliest days people did not believe that Jesus was God they believed Jesus was God's Son Perhaps adopted into the kingdom by God or he was given some kind of a divine status at birth But it actually took a very long time for Christians to actually believe that Jesus was God himself That was doctrine that evolved and was created later on but but modern Christians believe that Jesus was God Jesus is God and so when it says he gave up his only son well He's God.

It's not his son.

It's him.

He gave up himself.

Okay, so he gave up himself, but why did he have to do that?

What was the point in my last video the manipulation of the crucifixion we talked about that about how He never had to do that He was never obligated to die or to put on this big death display in order to guilt Humanity into believing in him or following him or whatever that was never a requirement of him.

He chose that he made the rules He decided that blood needed to be shed in order for humanity to be forgiven He couldn't have just decided to forgive them.

That would be silly, right?

So his choice to give up his life.

I mean that was entirely his choice and it was unnecessary It was only made necessary because he decided it was necessary.

So it's really not that much of a gift It's not that much of a display of love when it was never necessary to begin with but that's that's not even the worst part The worst part to me is the end of the verse where it says whosoever believes Shall have eternal life and not perish whosoever believes so right here the Bible is telling us the measure for Determining Whether someone deserves to be punished forever Or they deserve to be rewarded forever.

It is belief.

It's just it's just belief.

It's what you believe How is that fair?

How is that a just system?

That it has nothing to do with how good of a person you are.

It has nothing to do with your intentions It is it's just about what you believe and People believe all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons people that are raised in other cultures under other religions They believe in their religion because that's how they were raised Just like many Christians today are Christians because they were raised in a Christian culture in the Christian Church by Christian parents They don't question it.

They don't leave it because well, that's how they were raised.