A price for everything, Mr. Goldenfold.

A price for everything.

Oh my god!

How can I not see this coming?

My lust!

My greed!

I deserve this!

This serum should counteract the negative effects.

Holy cats!

Ladies, let's get out of here.

I haven't learned a thing!

Here, you can have this back.

You didn't use it?

Sure I did.

To develop this.

It detects and catalogs all your Twilight Zone, Ray Bradbury, Friday the 13th, the series, voodoo crap magic.

I thought you might want it so you didn't accidentally sell anybody, say, a typewriter that generates best-selling murder mysteries and then makes the murders happen in real life.

Ooh.

Be quiet.

Don't you want to make sure people know what they're getting?

You're not intentionally selling beauty cream that makes ugly ladies pretty but also makes them blind?

I find this all quite preposterous.

Oh, I say, good sir.

Oh, harumph.

Oh, oh, popo-dopo-dopo-popo.

That's beautiful.

You know, it's going to be wearing you in three hours.

Do I need to call the police?

Here, you can use my phone.

Don't worry.

It won't make you deaf because I'm not a hack.

Hey!

No!

You think you're so great?

Stop it!

No!

Knock the ass, motherfucker!

Hey!

Hey!

Stop it right now!

Grandpa Rick, I like working here.

You work for the devil!

So what?

So what?

Yes.

So what if he's the devil, Rick?

At least the devil has a job.

At least he's active in the community.

What do you do?

You eat our food and make gadgets.

Buh-bye.

I'm sorry, Mr. Needful.

I'll clean that up.

I don't know what I can do about the ghost lady that came out of it, but...

It's fine.

Summer, you know your grandfather's right.

I'm sorry, Mr. Needful.

I'll clean that up.

I don't know what I can do about the ghost lady that came out of it, but...

It's fine.

Summer, you know your grandfather's right.

This store curses people.

That's my business.

Well, yeah.

Fast food gives people diabetes, and clothing stores have sweatshops.

Is there a company hiring teenagers that isn't evil?

This is my first job.

You've been nice to me, Mr. Needful.

You respect me.

Please, call me the devil.

I'd rather not, actually.

Yes, perhaps not during business hours.

If it's athletic prowess you desire, Principal Virginia,

I'd like you to be my assistant.

I'm sorry, Mr. Needful.

I'll clean that up.

I don't know what I can do about the ghost lady that came out of it, but...

It's fine.

Summer, you know your grandfather's right.

This store curses people.

That's my business.

Well, yeah.

I'd rather not, actually.

Yes, perhaps not during business hours.

If it's athletic prowess you desire, Principal Virginia,

I might suggest...

I'll take it.

But I haven't even...

Thank you very, very much.

Great store.

Great place.

Bye.

Oh.

Okay.

I must say, Summer, I thought your grandfather's outburst would have disrupted business, but this is the best weekend I've had since Salem.

Nice.

Wholesome Delight for lunch?

Is that the vegan place?

Yeah.

I love their soup.

I'm kind of souped out.

I'm sorry, Mr. Needful.

This store curses people.

That's my business.

You respect me.

I'm sorry, Mr. Needful.

I'm sorry, Mr. Needful.

I love their soup.

I'm kind of souped out.

Mrs. Tate, is it?

What do you desire?

Oh, slow down, honey.

Oh, is there a limit?

Everything's free, right?

Let's just say you don't pay with money.

That was perfect.

You pay with the curses, right?

Um, I...

Well...

Mrs. Tate, why do you want cursed items?

Well, I'm going to get the curses removed.

At Cursed Purge Plus.

You know, the guy on TV?

What?

Have you acquired cursed items?

No, I haven't.

I've been cursed.

I've been cursed.

I've been cursed.

I've been cursed.

I've been cursed.

I've been cursed.

I've been cursed.

What?

Have you acquired creepy, specific old stuff from a mysterious antique or thrift store that gives you powers, but shits with you in unforeseeable ways?

Bring it to Cursed Purge Plus.

I use science to uncurse the items for cash, and you get to keep the powers.

This guy got mysterious sneakers to make him run faster, but guess what?

He would have had to run until he died, making them worthless.

I removed the curse, making them worth, like,

I don't know, $8 million?

See you at the Olympics.

This eerily intelligent doll was threatening to murder its family.

Now it does their taxes.

Everything's deductible.

Don't pay for cool stuff with your soul.

Pay for it with money.

You know, like how every other store in the world works.

We're located at First and Main in Old Town.

Come on on, come on down.

First and...

Wubba lubba dub dub!

Wubba lubba dub dub!

Where you can get evil items for free!

Diabolical son of a mother!

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