I thought we're all gonna come together.

That's what I believed.

From all the movies I watched as a kid,

I thought if humans were ever threatened with an existential threat, we would abandon every single fight we were having and we would come together to win.

Hell, I thought if that virus came, we'd all be there, we'd be like, all right, no more racism, no more sexism.

Let's do this together.

And we'd go and we'd defeat the enemy aliens and then we'd come back and be like, all right, let's get back to the racism and sexism.

It's like an independence day.

That's what happened, remember?

Yeah, that's what I grew up watching.

Everyone in the world came together to fight the aliens.

We stopped all of our, there was no politics.

There was no nothing.

We unified and we won.

And then in real life, what do we do?

We fought each other and we lost.

We were supposed to be a team.

Will Smith was supposed to be our hero.

None of it went as planned.

As humans, we've become so comfortable knowing that we forget how uncertain life is.

We get taught every single day that we know, we know, we know, we get comfortable knowing.

So you think you'll always know.

What's the traffic gonna be like?

You know.

What's the weather gonna be like?

You know, oh, it'll rain on Thursday.

You understand what a magic trick that is?

If you had that technology 500 years ago, you were like, oh, it'll rain on Thursday.

People would be like, kumba dindang, ginga wandang, ginga kumba dindang, ginga wandang, dindang kumba, wanda.

I remember how confident world leaders were as well.

Some more cocky than others.

One of my favorites was Prime Minister of the UK,

Boris Johnson.

Yeah, he was an interesting one.

He went to a hospital during the pandemic and he was hugging people.

Like right at the beginning, he was hugging people, going around hugging people.

Journalists asked him, they're like,

Prime Minister Johnson, do you think it's appropriate for you to be hugging people during a pandemic?

He's like, first of all, everyone needs to calm down.

This is not a pandemic.

This is not a pandemic.

Look at my hair.

Do I look stressed?

Everybody needs to calm down.

Nothing, everything is fine.

Well, I can touch people.

We're not shutting down.

Everything's staying open.

The pubs are staying open.

The football's staying open.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma.

He's just gone.

He didn't give a shit.

America's president.

Oh, he was even cockier.

Yeah.

You see him when he came out?

Donald J. Trump.

Oh, he had all the swag.

He was like, folks, we're gonna have it handled in 21 days, 21 days.

The virus will be gone, 21 days.

Some are even saying 20.

That disease came and kicked Trump and Boris deep in the chest.

Both men went to the ICU, almost died.

Only reason they survived is because they're both heads of state.

They gave them that secret juice.

Boris, to his credit, he came out of that hospital like he had seen Jesus.

He came from the hospital, held a press conference, shut everything down.

He came there, barely dressed.

He was like, everybody, this is not a joke.

I've seen it.

I've seen it.

I've seen it.

I've seen it.

I've seen it.

This is not a joke.

I've seen it for myself.

The UK's shutting down.

Please, the football's gone.

The pubs are gone.

Do not take this lightly.

I've experienced it myself.

I promise, this is not fun.

I can't talk to you.

I have to go.

Please, I can't talk.

I have to.

And he was just gone.

Gone.

That man was terrified.

I was half expecting coronavirus to come around the corner like.

Cough, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough.

Trump, on the other hand, didn't give a damn.

That man will die from being stubborn.

He came out of the hospital, could barely breathe, but still held a press conference.

Didn't even speak.

He was just like.

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

If I can do it, hmm, so can you.

Such a fun sound.

Sound of happiness.

The sound of white happiness, in particular.

Yeah.

I've tracked it.

I've searched for the source of woohoo, and I found it originated with white people.

White, white woman, in particular.

That's where it comes from.

That is the sound of a white woman's turn up.

That is the sound of her getting into the game.

She's like, Tammy, woohoo!

And that's when you know it's on.

Because everyone else learned it from white women.

That's where it came from.

You know, it spread through society like a virus.

It's not the natural sound anybody else makes.

White women make that sound instinctively, but everyone else has learned it.

Like, white men were the first ones to learn it, because for them it's sort of like a mating call.

They know what it means.

They have to reciprocate.

They're like, woohoo!

Woohoo!

But everyone else had to learn it.

It's a natural sound for them, but for nobody else.

Like, black people woohoo, but it's not the natural sound black people make for fun.

You know, black people can woohoo.

Black people often do woohoo.

But it's not instinctively a black sound of happiness.

And I think it's because black people are uncomfortable with the woohoo.

Deep down inside, there's a certain moment in woohoo when every black person stops enjoying it.

There's just a moment when, and maybe this is just my personal experiences, but I feel it sounds eerily similar to a police siren.

There's just a moment where it stops being fun.

It's just that split second where it's like, woohoo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Like, put your hands in the air!

And keep them there.

Terrorism is not a race, it's an act.

It evolved over time.

Yes, right now we're dealing with extremism,

Islamic terror in some parts of the world.

But if you go to other parts of the world and ask them what a terrorist is, they'll show you a different face.

You go to England 20 years ago, and you said, what was a terrorist?

They show you a drunk Irishman.

I didn't need to say drunk,

I could have just said Irishman.

There was a time when Nelson Mandela was labeled a terrorist.

Like, terrorism is an act, it's not a face.

People say these things, well, these Muslims, you gotta admit, there's an awful lot of them, awful lot of them doing the same thing.

You're like, yeah, but you know who's not a terrorist?

Most Muslims.

Yeah.

Most Muslims are not terrorists.

I'm not even Muslim, but it gets to me, because I'm like, most Muslim people are not terrorists.

You know how you know this?

Because we're still alive.

They've had ample opportunity to take us out, people.

There's a billion Muslim people on the planet.

They've had every chance.

They could have killed us using those falafels they sell us after midnight when we come out of the club.

They could have wiped us all out.

But they're killer kebabs.

I would have never learned about America,

I would have never come to America.

I would have never learned about America.

I would have never come out to places like Washington, D.C.

Would never learn to drive on the other side of the road.

I would have never learned about charming racism had I not come to this beautiful country.

Probably something that changed my life forever.

Charming racism.

Classic American charming racism.

I never knew there was such a thing growing up.

And I thought I knew all about racism.

I always, you know, coming from the home of some of the best racism in the world, I...

No, and I don't mean to brag, but South Africa is by far.

Like, we've got top quality racism out there.

Like, it's handcrafted.

You don't get racism like that anymore.

Like, I've seen racism all over the world.

To be honest, the standards have dropped.

It's not what it used to be.

Like, I'm talking about quality racism.

You know, now it's cheap and mass produced.

Probably made in China now.

I'm talking about real racism.

I discovered charming racism in a place called Lexington, Kentucky.

I don't know if you've ever been, but you really need to go.

It's a beautiful place.

Old school, charming racism with a smile and the tip of a hat.

Everyone in Lexington had this vibe.

The smile, the charm, the drawl.

Oh, the Southern drawl.

I love it so much.

They would speak out there.

The grammar's horrible, but it's still beautiful.

It's...

No, because the sentences don't really make sense.

They'd be like, y'all ain't never done gone seen none of them out.

And it's like, that's, that's...

That's not English.

Your autocorrect is broken.

I don't know what that...

But it's beautiful.

You know, in fact, when they speak really fast, sometimes it sounds like someone's playing a banjo inside their mouths.

That's what it sounds like to me.

I asked two men for directions and they started arguing.

It was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard in my life.

The guy was like, where are you going, boy?

I said, I'm going to the theater.

Can you direct me?

He said, oh, y'all getting on the way on that road.

Maybe they don't seen y'all down that way.

And the friend was like, no, they ain't getting on that way.

They don't buy, man.

They don't get that same.

I'm like, they ain't never gone gone been on there.

They only getting on me, but they ain't gone many on to get on me.

It was almost...

It was almost...

It sounded like someone started a Mumford and Sons concert in their mouth.

Cause one minute they were talking and then they got into it and the guy was like, they don't get along.

Why?

No, so you like, they ain't on the game.

Don't they?

They don't get along.

Don't get along.

They get along.

They get along.

They get along.

They get along.

They get along.

Don't they?

They ain't get along.

They don't get along.

They ain't get along.

Get on, get on, get on!

Get me on.

That one.

Get on the gambling.