Get ready for an adventure in magnificent proportions.

I don't know what you've been told, but we're in a golden age.

So many discoveries that are jumping off the page.

Wow in the world.

Wow in the world.

Wow in the world.

Wow in the world.

Wow in the world.

Wow in the world.

Wow in the world.

Wow in the world.

Wow in the world.

Wow in the world.

Tired of the same old toilet?

Yes.

Ready to take the plunge and finally create the bathroom of your dreams?

A bathroom that doubles as a water park?

You know it.

Then come to the bathroom showcase, a one day only event.

Industry experts are standing by to help you flush out your ideas and bring your lavatories to life.

Yeah.

Beautiful tile and toilet seats.

Dial, dial, dial, dial, dial.

Come on, pick up.

Good morning, Mindy.

Guy Raz, remember how you were planning to spend the day cooped up in your playhouse?

For the 75th time, Mindy, this is not a playhouse.

It's a 50 square foot sustainable micro-mobile dwelling that-

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's got a toilet in the kitchen sink.

Well, well, technically the sink is in the toilet, but-

Guy Raz, either way, you're pooping in the sink.

No, I'm washing my dishes in the-

Okay, what are you getting at anyway?

What I'm getting at is that you need a new toilet, one without a garbage disposal, and I need a new bathroom with a water slide and a toilet that doubles as a tiny wave pool for my ducks.

What ducks?

And for one day only, we can make all of our bathroom dreams come true.

Mindy, I don't have bathroom dreams.

All we have to do is head on down to the convention center for the one day only bathroom showcase.

Experts are standing by to help. Come on.

Wait, actually, I was just reading about that showcase myself, Mindy.

In fact, I was planning on heading down there to check out a revolutionary new piece of bathroom technology that could detect diseases.

And they're also giving out free samples.

I hope they're not stool samples.

Okay, well, let me grab my shoes and I'll meet you outside in, uh, five minutes?

Yes!

Run, run, run, run, run, run!

Hi, Mindy! Whatcha doing?

Oh, hey, Dennis! I'm waiting for Guy Raz to emerge from his dollhouse.

We are going to the bathroom showcase down at the convention center today.

We are?

Oh, no, what I mean is, Guy Raz and I...

Ah, we'll be like the Three Amigos, or the Three Stooges, or the Three Mouseketeers.

Okay, Mindy, I'm ready to go. Uh, how are we getting there?

Hi, Guy!

Ah, Dennis, you scared me.

Guy Raz, did you hear? We're getting the gang back together.

We're like Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Obviously, I'm Harry.

Huh?

Sorry, Dennis. You know we'd really love for you to come, but we're taking Guy Raz's yellow banana scooter and, you know, it's only got seating for two people.

And a giant pigeon!

Aw!

Plus, we need you here to spy on the neighborhood and watch out for danger.

I guess.

Oh, yeah, and we promised to bring you back a souvenir.

Oh, a souvenir!

Uh, Mindy?

Yeah, Guy Raz?

Uh, I think we have a little problem.

Why? What's going on?

Well, uh, I can't get the banana scooter to start. It seems like the battery might be dead.

Maybe the banana is just overripe.

You know, according to Popular Fruit and Veg Mechanics magazine, overripe produce is the number one problem with perishable transportation.

Wait, I know!

Uh...

Hey, Dennis!

What?

You don't happen to have your roller blades handy, do ya?

Oh, boy, do I!

Oh, no.

Almost there. Almost there!

Mindy, this is not what I had in mind!

Ah, mush, Dennis!

Ah, Mindy!

Oh, sorry! Got a little carried away!

Madness!

I don't know why Reggie got to ride. He can fly!

Wow, Dennis! Thank you so much for pulling us and the banana scooter all the way down here to the convention center!

No problem, Mindy!

What are roller blades for?

Come on, you two!

And you, Reggie! The entrance is right over there!

Hi there! Welcome to the bathroom showcase! Are you considering a bathroom remodel?

Uh, yes! I am looking to build a Baratuba Lazy River in my bathtub, and my buddy Guy Raz over here is, uh, tired of pooping in the kitchen sink.

Mindy!

I see. Tiny house?

Well, actually, it's a solar-powered, energy-efficient, modular...

It's an oversized Debbie doll dream hut.

Well, I think that is just super!

And I believe we've got some lovely compact lavatory options that you are going to adore!

Come with me right this way!

I don't like this guy!

Whoa!

What in the world?

Look at the size of this place, Mindy!

Well, it's as far as the eye can see!

Now, over here to the left, you'll see we're featuring the latest in portal potty technology.

Oh, I think you mean porta-potty, right?

Yeah! Porta, as in portable potties?

Not porta! Portal!

You see, traditional porta-potties need to be transported to a location, but...

But let me guess, the portal potties transport us?

Bingo!

Oh, it's like the rollerblades of toilets!

Now that's something I can get my behind behind!

Once properly tested, these portal potties will be able to transport poopers through time and space, past or future!

A time-traveling toilet? Sign me up!

I want to see inside!

Uh, sir, please don't go in there.

Whoa, look! This porta-potty's bigger than your new house guy, Roz!

Please, sir, the portals are highly unstable. They have access to urine and feces from all of human history.

So, do I just flush myself to another dimension, or what?

Dennis!

No, uh, sir, please, it's just a prototype. It's still in beta butt testing.

Mindy, what is it you say when you go on adventures? Up, up, and away, or something like that?

Oh, I remember!

And... away I fly!

Ah, no!

Dennis!

Oh, dear. Uh, security? We've got a flusher.

He was my best friend!

Hey, I thought I was your best friend!

Oh, yeah, um, he was my second best friend!

Okay, come on, number one. We gotta go check out the rest of these exhibits.

But what about Dennis?

Ah, Dennis clogs toilets all the time. He's not gonna get that far.

Just be patient, Guy Raz. Dennis will come bubbling up, and the whole convention center's gonna know about it. You'll see.

Okay.

Whoa, check out that sign, Guy Raz.

Huh. Are you smarter than a toilet?

Yes! Yes, I am smarter than a toilet! At least I'm pretty sure I am.

Does a toilet know the square root of 50?

Because I sure do! It's 7.07106781187...

Mindy!

Thank you very much. Come on, let's go check it out!

Run, run, run, run, run, run, run!

Wait for me, Mindy!

Okay.

Oh, you're still here. I mean, oh good, you're still here. Let's continue on to what I wanted to show you earlier.

Over here we have the...

I'm here to prove that I am smarter than a toilet.

I'm sorry, what?

That sign up there. It says, are you smarter than a toilet?

Oh, yeah. That sign is referring to the new smart toilet by Stanford.

Stanford as in the university?

That's right.

Wait, wait a minute. Mindy, this is it.

This is the revolutionary new bathroom technology I was telling you about earlier.

I read about this smart toilet in the journal Nature Biomedical Engineering.

Oh, yeah. I read about it too, Guy Raz, in Toilet Talk magazine.

So, let's unveil this smart toilet. I can't wait to see what it looks like.

Oh, well, you're looking at it. It's right here.

Huh?

It's right in front of you.

Uh, this just looks like a regular toilet.

Shouldn't a smart toilet be wearing, I don't know, glasses or a graduation cap or something?

Just like people, Mindy. You can't judge a toilet based on its appearance.

Okay, smart toilet. Let's see what you're made of.

How do you spell the word dolphinately?

Oh, I don't think it can spell made up words or any words.

Mindy, this smart toilet created by scientists and engineers at Stanford University is not that kind of smart.

Huh, so you're saying it can't do your homework and solve all your math problems?

Not exactly.

Man, well, can it at least flush itself? Because flushing is one of my least favorite things to do in life.

I believe this smart toilet uses precision health-focused technology.

Which means that it can detect if a person is sick.

And how in the, how is it able to do that?

Well, it examines your, uh...

It examines your what?

You know, your...

Your what, Guy Raz? It examines your what?

Uh, your, uh...

Guy Raz, just say it. What does it examine?

It examines your stool and urine.

It examines your poop and pee?

Shh, keep it down.

What? We're literally surrounded by toilets right now.

Yes, have no fear. In here it's safe to talk about Tinkle and disgust Doopie all the live long bidet.

Now, this smart toilet uses a suite of different tools from a variety of technologies to detect disease.

Oh, I see what's going on here.

Oh, I see what's going on here.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, so it turns out your poop and pee can actually tell you a thing or two about your overall health.

Even though they don't have mouths and they definitely do not talk.

Go on.

Okay, so let's talk about poop for instance.

First of all, what is it?

Uh...

If you were to find a recipe for poop, the list of ingredients would include undigested food, proteins, bacteria, salt, water, and a bunch of other stuff.

And then all of this stuff turns into poop, travels through your intestines, and then gets pushed out.

I don't know if I'd necessarily use the words recipe or ingredients, but sure, I mean, I think I see where you're going with this.

And even though all poops are different from person to person, there are a few red flags that can tell you if your poop is unhealthy.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, for example, if your poop pops out like hard little marbles instead of nice juicy sausages, it might mean that you're constipated or that there's a traffic backup in your large intestine.

Get out of the way!

Oh.

Or if your poop is green and squeezing out like soft serve ice cream, it might mean you got a case of the old diarrhea.

By the way, do you think the smart toilet can spell diarrhea?

Because I sure can't.

Again, Mindy, it's not that kind of smart toilet.

And if your poop plops out in cubes, well, it might just mean you're a wombat.

Uh-huh.

Mindy's absolutely right.

The smell, size, color, and shape of your stool all contain clues to the state of your health, and this smart toilet is able to read those clues.

So it's like having a bunch of teeny tiny scientists and researchers inside your toilet bowl just waiting for your next deposit?

Oh, wait, I read about this, and I read about how it works.

First, a scanner takes a picture of your, um...

Of your butt?

Uh, yeah, yes.

First, the scanner takes a picture of your butt and uses that picture to help the toilet identify you, or rather, your butt.

Exactly.

It's like facial recognition.

Just instead of faces, it's butts.

Okay, so fecal recognition.

Huh.

All right, well, sounds a little personal, but who hasn't made photocopies of their own butt?

Guilty as judged.

And then a pressure sensor records how long you sit and how long it takes for you to, um...