Even as young kids, we lie and deceive our parents, or at least we try.

As we grow and learn about ourselves and other people, the manipulation tactics we encounter become more sophisticated.

It can be hard to distinguish between manipulation and honesty.

So, we decided to explain the most comprehensive list of manipulation tactics as fast as possible.

Ready?

Let's go.

Aggressive Jokes When someone makes a joke at your expense, they're not only trying to manipulate you, but also those around you.

This tactic is used to exclude you and make you feel like an outsider.

The person who makes the jokes will often downplay what they've said or brush it off as just a joke, purposefully making you feel bad.

Anger and Fear Emotions can be effective tools of manipulation.

For example, getting angry at you over something very small can be a way to control you and keep you in line.

They may also gaslight you into thinking that their emotional response was appropriate and valid when it was not.

Blackmail Blackmailing is when someone has information or evidence about you.

It can be used to threaten you into doing something you don't want to do.

Blackmail can be a criminal offense in some cases.

Blaming Playing the blame game is a manipulation tactic often used in relationships.

If someone is particularly insecure, they may blame you for their mistakes to alleviate their guilt or embarrassment.

Boundary Violation Manipulators want to see how far they can push you.

If the boundary you have set is in the way of something they want, for example if they want a sexual relationship and you do not, they may push or even break that boundary on purpose.

Boundary pushing is usually paired with guilt tripping or gaslighting to make actions seem less distressing.

Changing the Subject When a manipulator is caught in a lie or is embarrassed about being wrong in some way, they will change the subject to distance themselves from their behavior.

Later on they might try to gaslight you by changing what they said or explaining things in a way that is more favorable to them.

Coercion Coercion covers a few other manipulation tactics like blackmail, guilt tripping and threatening.

It refers to the general goal of trying to convince you to do something you don't want to do.

Criticizing Manipulators need you to feel insecure in order for their tactics to work.

They may disguise their criticism as care or thoughtfulness when that is not the case.

Manipulators will then immediately follow up their criticism with a Crowd Manipulation Using strong and emotional words is a way politicians often use to influence crowds into believing a situation is more dire or more positive than it is.

Manipulating a crowd to get them riled up or excited is typically done by appealing to the crowd's emotions or flattering them.

Denial It is extremely common for people to deny what they have done when they have done something wrong.

It typically happens when an insecurity has been exposed.

We learn this behavior from a very young age.

Everyone knows a kid who would say, I meant to do that, when you confront them and tell them they messed something up.

Downplaying When a manipulator is called out for their behavior, they may instinctually downplay it.

This can often be done through self-deprecating jokes or overly long explanations for their actions.

They may try to make it seem as though their actions were actually for the greater good.

Emotional Blackmail If a manipulator knows what affects you emotionally, they may try to use that against you.

A common form of emotional blackmail is threatening self-harm.

Fake Moralization When a manipulator knows you will disapprove of their true intentions, they may try to disguise it as virtuous.

This can present itself in numerous ways.

Claiming to be oppressed, flaunting their good virtues, or trying to tell others what is and isn't good are forms of manipulation tactics that would fall under fake moralization.

This can be an especially difficult tactic to detect.

Some people are genuinely oppressed or they want to call out harmful behavior so it can be difficult to tell whether they are trying to manipulate or be helpful.

Flattery Sometimes, manipulators will try to win you over using flattery.

An example of this would be if someone said to you, you're smart, so I'm sure you would agree with me.

Gaslighting Gaslighting has come up a lot so far.

It is a common deceitful tactic where the goal is to convince you that what you know is wrong and has been wrong the whole time.

Gaslighting can come with blaming, denial, and downplaying.

If you have five easter eggs and they took one, I'll try to convince you there were only four whole time.

Generalizing Generalizations are made to convince you of something.

They could be using stereotypes or oversimplifying to purposely make things appear better or worse.

Generalizations can often be vague, saying things like, well you know how they are.

Implying that someone or a group of people can be stupid or overly sensitive is a generalization, designed to make you feel like you're part of something and therefore, more likely to side with a manipulator.

Ghosting Typically used in relationships, ghosting is the act of disappearing or ignoring someone who is trying to contact you.

The goal of ghosting is to keep you unsure and insecure about your relationship and to influence you to believe that they are so important that your time with them is precious and should be cherished more.

Guilt tripping Guilt tripping is another way to use your emotions against you.

They will use guilt to shame you for doing the things you want to do and for going against their wishes.

They can use anything from religion to dead relatives to make you feel guilty.

Hoovering This is when someone, typically a romantic partner, changes their behavior when the relationship is nearing its end.

If you ever get to the point of wanting to break up or if you show some indication that you may leave them, they will change their behavior in drastic ways.

Suddenly they are a different person, making large gestures, love bombing or making threats of self-harm to suck you back into the toxic relationship.

Infantilization This is when someone speaks to you as though you are a child or mentally impaired to make it known that you are not well respected or that you are not on the manipulator's intellectual level.

Isolation In relationships, a manipulative partner may see your family and friends as threats, so they will try to manipulate you into separating yourself from them.

From there, you will become entirely reliant on your partner and they will be able to slowly control every aspect of your life.

Love bombing This tactic is especially effective for people who lack a sense of love in their lives.

If someone comes along who pours an impossible amount of love on you, it can be enough to get you to do anything for them.

This love doesn't last long, however.

Once they have what they want, they will show you little to no attention or even ghost you.

Lying Lying is probably the most commonly used manipulation tactic.

Avoiding the truth and influencing what people know is the most basic, instinctual tactic we know because it is so easy to lie.

A lot of other manipulation tactics are just grand ways of lying.

Passive aggression By being passive aggressive, the manipulator can't be called out.

They can easily claim that they were just joking, not being sincere, or not being purposefully aggressive.

Playing on insecurities This is another tactic in the same vein as emotional blackmail or guilt tripping, where it is done to use your emotions against you.

The manipulator might say they love you despite your insecurities, making you feel like others wouldn't put up with the things that make you feel insecure.

They may also exploit insecurities like a fear of getting cheated on by joking about cheating or excusing cheating.

Projection When someone is trying to manipulate you with projection, they will turn the accusations back on you.

If you try to say or do anything to resist their manipulation, they will claim that you are trying to manipulate them.

For example, someone might be trying to guilt trip you.

If you don't give in or if you call them out, they will turn it around and say something like, you are trying to gaslight me into thinking I'm a bad guy.

You are trying to manipulate me.

They have projected their bad behaviors onto you to avoid criticism.

Shaming Similar to guilt tripping, the goal of shaming is to make you feel bad.

Where guilt tripping is usually used when you are going to do something, shame is often used for something you have already done.

This can have many effects in different contexts.

In relationships, shaming someone can be a way to control their behavior and make them want the manipulator's approval.

Shifting the goalpost When someone shifts the goalpost, they are changing the agreed upon rules to benefit themselves.

Your boss might ask you to do something very specific.

When you do it and it doesn't work, they try to change what they wanted.

This is done to make them appear more virtuous when things don't work out for them or so that they aren't responsible when things go poorly.

Smear campaigns A smear campaign is when someone spreads negative rumors or disinformation about you to manipulate what people think of you and to damage your reputation.

The silent treatment This is another manipulation tactic that many of us learn at a very young age.

Usually used in arguments, the silent treatment puts the burden of communication onto the other person.

It's also used in relationships when someone feels that their partner is not fulfilling their needs.

Rather than talking about it, they stay silent to make their partner feel as guilty and stressed out about it as possible.

Threatening We also learn about threats from a young age.

They are fairly straightforward, with a manipulator telling you what they will do if you go against them.

In relationships, an example could be, if you go out with your friends tonight, I will break up with you.

As you can tell from this example, threats can also pair with other tactics like isolation.

Triangulation Triangulation is a manipulation tactic that aims to exclude you.

This can occur when someone goes to your friends and tries to get them to turn against you.

This is often done to get your mutual friends to go against you as well.

It always involves other people having to choose the right side.

It doesn't just apply to friend groups.

Parents may also ask their kids to choose their side, dividing the family to be against the other parent.

Victimhood Finally, victimhood is used by manipulators to try and milk people for their pity and compassion.

This can be especially effective if they make it seem as though you are the only person who can help them.

How do we do?

Are there any manipulation tactics we didn't talk about?

Let us know in the comments below.

The best way to defend yourself against manipulation is to be firm when you disagree with someone.

Back away from someone if you feel like they are manipulated and get someone else's opinion if you aren't sure if you are being manipulated.

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