and like that process is so different for everybody. it's a never-ending journey, it's something that you have to upkeep, it's like a muscle and training that muscle doesn't always feel good. like it can be really painful and it can be ugly and hard and i have watched myself come from an extremely insecure person and of course it's something that i'm still working on every day but i have healed and feel like i am kind of the opposite in some ways. like things that i used to be so insecure about now i love and have made me so confident. i recently the other day was just thinking about it and i was like wow i love myself and i have never been able to say that before. like i love myself, i love the way i act, i love the way i talk, i love the person i am, i love the friend i am. it doesn't mean that there aren't things that i still want to improve and learn and things that i will continue to grow in but i realized for the first time oh my god wow like i love myself. it just kind of felt like crazy and it hit me in the face because it's like whenever like for example my cat maizy, she used to be a tiny little kitten and i have pictures and memories and everything whenever she was so small but now she's huge, she's big. i've been with her basically every single day so that change was so gradual and i feel like that's kind of what happened with my confidence. like it was such a gradual journey like i didn't really notice at first that these things were changing. if anything it just felt like a lot of uncomfortable like oh my god there's a fly but it just felt like a lot of uncomfortable affirmations and change and the stuff and it was just like oh my god this is not doing anything i still feel insecure about this this and that but then like gradually as time went on that changed and i became a different person not overnight but like i did after i put in the work that was uncomfortable. i've been making floral arrangements for myself every week. i wanted to make one while while we're talking about this. i think the first question that i asked myself in the journey was what does my confident self act like?

what does she think like?

what does she look like?

like what what is making me so unhappy or insecure in myself right now?

what is it?

and what does that version of myself who feels good about that or has confidence or isn't thinking about that, what is she doing?

who is that?

like you can kind of do the thing with the whole Beyonce Sasha Fierce like creating an alter ego. what does she stand for?

what type of friend is she?

how does she treat herself?

like you know what i mean?

some people are very visual. i am very visual. i have created vision boards for this and i've created so many. on these dream boards there are outfits, there are hairstyles, there are photos that just depict a certain energy that i i picture whenever i think of my most visual boards to kind of go back to and see definitely help. whatever helps you have like a clear vision of who that person is and everything you could possibly get to know about her. having a vision of your most confident self, your dream self, your alter ego, whatever whatever it is. having a vision that you want to achieve right?

you really got to think of every detail. how does this person stand?

for example i've always been insecure about my posture and just like the shape of my back and shoulders. i've just always felt like i kind of have like rounded hunched thing going on and i knew that it was coming from stress and insecurity and just like sort of this natural body language that i had and i was uncomfortable. it just made me feel insecure and i thought about my most confident self and how she doesn't have that insecurity because she stands up straight. like she doesn't have that problem because she can easily have her chest open and feel confident and great. she has that body language. body language is such an important part you know like of course you can create the vision boards with the outfits and the hair and the makeup but then you start to think about these smaller details like there's layers to it. it's like okay of course like what does she look like on the outside but then how does she carry herself and how does she speak?

that was another thing that honestly i'm sort of actively working on right now because i know that the most confident version of myself is a really powerful communicator when i feel like maybe i'm saying too much sort of dismiss myself and over explain. whenever i catch myself doing that i have the awareness because i have the vision catching yourself and having the awareness of oh my gosh okay this is uncomfortable i don't want to change the way i'm speaking right now because this is how i've spoken for years and years and years i don't want to stop myself i don't want to slow down that's uncomfortable but oh wait i remember how she talks so let me try to reintroduce that a little bit. like you don't have to force a whole new personality or anything but it's more about reintroducing patterns and like reintroducing ways of existing. for example with my shoulders that's something that i'm still working on very hard but i have gotten a lot better. i've had the awareness for a long time that my posture is not what i want it to be. i had the awareness because i knew the insecurity and i had the vision of okay my most confident self doesn't stand like this okay i'm insecure about this thing but it wasn't until i actually went through the physical discomfort like of rolling my shoulders back, taking a breath, stretching the neck, loosening up that is just not natural to me and i had to keep going and keep doing it anyways and reminding myself as much as possible until it just started to become how i was able to stand. i finally had the strength and the power to stand up straight and relax you know like i was able to build that through the discomfort. knowing the insecurity and knowing it well but knowing the vision just as well and reminding yourself in all the moments of awareness that you have to go through the little uncomfortable shifts to match that dream vision that you have. body language. maybe you can start implementing it into the way that you style your hair or clothes or how you speak or anything small okay i need to change everything tomorrow i'm gonna start speaking like this like that's just not sustainable and that's not gonna work but if you slowly just every time can kind of just catch yourself a little bit and shift that's where the actual magic happens and it happens slowly and it's not fun. it can even remind you of like what you're insecure about because you're becoming so aware of it and i think of course be careful that can be unhealthy and hard to always be like let me be aware of the way i'm talking or the way i'm standing like i it can be a nuisance so of course holding grace for yourself and just knowing that it takes time and don't put too much pressure just be aware of it and know that the real strong action happens in all the small movements so just be patient with yourself but have the vision have the vision and be excited about that vision and know that that vision and that version of yourself is you or else you wouldn't have been able to i got the little cherry blossom branches from trader joe's and i am so happy right now i just i've never used these before and they're so beautiful and i know that they're very fragile and going to be pretty short-lived but i just think it's like the perfect thing for the beginning of spring and oh i'm just i'm so excited about these anyway so getting back to it second thing is quote by maddie where she's like doing lexi's makeup and she's like what is she saying she's like everyone feels stupid and i just chose not to like nobody knows if confidence is real or not that is facts because nobody knows people however they hold themselves that is how other people will receive them so you don't actually have to fix everything in your brain and feel so amazing about yourself in order to start acting like it i know that that part can get the most uncomfortable for me because if i feel ugly then i'm going to the shrugging and the shoulders and the oh i can never because it feels more comfortable so the act of like faking it and pretending to be something else just feels really weird it feels like i'm putting on shoes that don't fit me it feels like i'm doing something so wrong like it feels out of the comfort zone like you're lying it can feel like you're lying how would that confident version act in this situation and you just pretend i said it more eloquently yesterday like you just pretend and you sweat while you're doing it and your face gets red while you're doing it and it's uncomfortable but you do it anyways becoming comfortable with something and creating a habit is like the act of forcing yourself to do it for a certain period of time until it becomes natural the more you start forcing yourself to act like it you slowly start to actually become it and i know that sounds kind of like okay yeah obviously but it's just sort of blowing my mind like even right now it's so simple but it's not easy you start to enjoy it over time and it does become easier i know that there have been things that i have seen in myself that i've been insecure about whether that is mental or physical and i have told myself the opposite of that affirmations are part of faking it until you make it i feel like laughing at myself when i when i'm saying these affirmations in the mirror at first it's actually embarrassing and when you feel embarrassed to do something you think you're gonna be excited about waking up and doing it no that is uncomfortable looking yourself in the eye and saying these things that you perceive to be lies right now but pretty soon they're not gonna be and it's weird how it happens if you are reinforcing an insecurity every day and you're saying to yourself oh i hate this thing about me and oh i just feel so bad about this thing and you're putting yourself in situations that make you feel insecure and focusing on things that make you insecure and that becomes your reality and that becomes who you are whatever you focus on is what grows and you're acting like it even when you don't want to like you are doing the work to be that person and you are that person and nobody can tell you otherwise it sounds just sort of like you gotta believe in yourself no it's it's like you will actually you will actually become that person i think a lot of the time we get so caught up in like oh that dream version of me has this designer purse or has a completely different style and i need to change my wardrobe and oh actually she has these shoes and she has this apartment and so i actually need to get all that first and then you know maybe i actually will feel confident after that no absolutely not we have to generate it first and then all of that will come you don't need the designer purse right now to be that dream self does she have that maybe of course we'll get there the discomfort of reintroducing new habits along with making promises to yourself and following through for example i know that my dream self has a certain exercise routine that do i stick to it all the time absolutely not but every time that i reinforce that habit when i don't feel like doing it that allows me to trust myself my dream self or my goal of mine is to drink more water or oil my hair more often or it's to go to yoga class twice a week whatever it is building those new habits requires you have to think of it like the discomfort you're feeling in starting a new habit waking up early i'm talking about things that are good for yourself by the way like i know i'm saying discomfort and like pain and all these things a lot like i'm talking about things that are good for yourself but that are hard like going on a walk or waking up early in the morning like things that maybe we don't always want to do them but they are good for us ultimately that's what i'm talking about think of the discomfort as gas or fuel for the engine that is taking you to the version that you want to be whenever i'm forcing myself to like wake up to work out i would rather be sleeping no no no no no i know that i'm supposed to be going through that discomfort i know that it's it's normal it's painful we just like stray away from it and we don't want to do it anymore and we don't want to think about it and we put it off and we're always like oh i just i wish that i exercised more and oh i wish that i cooked for myself more i wish i could read more or whatever like i don't have time like that's what that turns into whenever we get so scared of the discomfort and it's like using that discomfort as fuel to keep us going like being like ah okay this is supposed to be to care more about the end result than how you feel right there in the moment it's not instant gratification these things are slow gratification that bring the results that you're always wishing for and wanting the bridge to get there is the discomfort so just know that it's carrying you there it's carrying you to that goal and also i'm going to turn on the light because now we're getting a little dark does this look really bad does that look better no that looks worse making promises to yourself and actually following through with it so you get the data from the vision so vision your most confident self wakes up early every morning and exercises i don't know but something like that you get the data from the vision okay she does that got it i'm gonna make a promise to myself i'm gonna put that in my affirmations to get it in here and to get it out here and to actually do that i'm gonna make a promise to myself you guys don't understand i think the thing that we get so caught up in is like that drastic change that's why i started the video talking about how we just feel like we need to drastically change in order to be this vision of ourselves and it feels so far away like i i get it like i understand like creating a vision can make you feel really opposite from that version of you but it is so much closer than you think and it's it's gonna come through smaller actions than you think atomic habits by james clear helped me so much when it came to forming habits when you're thinking about how your dream self carries yourself don't feel like you need to drastically change your speech and your posture and this and that it's just about reinforcing small ways and it's same thing with building habits okay your dream self wakes up early every single day to exercise okay then just start becoming so comfortable with the smallest steps of it just picking out an outfit to exercise in and that's it don't don't exercise just wake up early and pick out the outfit and then slowly you can start waking up early picking out the outfit and putting the outfit on and if you don't want to exercise you don't have to but maybe you will feel more inclined to after you've put it on but if you don't want to just you don't have to but you just built a little bit more of the habit now once you feel comfortable with waking up early picking out the outfit and getting it on now you can start to go on a 10 minute walk right so now every morning you've you have built that habit of you made sure that you got up every single and he goes into detail about like how many days you should be doing this and all that stuff but i'm just giving you an example of how it doesn't have to feel so daunting and far away she deadlifts 250 pounds every morning like no we can get there but like the most productive and powerful use of your time is gonna be making the little efforts there just slowly the simplest step of that habit you can think of just start doing that every day and then you'll just you'll want to do more when you make promises to yourself and you actually keep them that is proving to yourself that you are somebody to trust what's a trait that we recognize in confident people they trust themselves if somebody is confident they feel steady within themselves they're confident they're confident in what they're saying because they trust themselves if you can learn to trust yourself you can have that sense of confidence too because why would you not be confident in somebody that you know is reliable and you know that you can trust and it works and it works with small things it goes back to what we were just saying it doesn't have to be big it can be these tiny things like i'm gonna drink more water every day and you say that's something you want to do and then you actually commit it's actually so dark in here right now i like just looked at the viewfinder and realized that we are sitting in the dark actually making promises to yourself and following through will show you and will show your subconscious you are somebody to trusted who says that they're gonna do something and does it you are a reliable source people respect a reliable person and somebody with confidence doesn't wait around for people to respect them they respect themselves and therefore they attract that and they'll surround themselves with people who also respect them because why are you gonna like somebody who lies to you oh i'm gonna do this oh i really want to do this i'm gonna do and then they just don't okay like i want to be your friend i don't trust you it's the same thing with yourself gotta build that trust and you can do it in favor of your goals you know like you can build habits you can say like yeah i'm gonna do this and stick to it and do it and it's funny right because it's like we can talk about this all day and like i can sit here and feel all good about what i'm explaining to you but it's actually doing it where it's uncomfortable and it doesn't feel good and we want to run away and turn around and start all over again but we're not gonna do that because we're gonna build the confidence okay next thing is interacting with people becomes a lot less scary and there's a lot less room for insecurity in yourself when you realize that everybody else is just thinking about their own insecurities and they're thinking about their own insecurities so much that they are projecting them onto you and then in turn that kind of like feeds our insecurity like we're just all rubbing each other's egos and like trying to hurt each other all the time because of our own insecurities our insecurities do the talking like if we are out here insulting somebody or talking bad on someone or whatever like and if we feel the need to do that i'm trying to oh i know how to fix it what were we talking about it's not so scary to interact with people when you realize oh my god all they're thinking about is their own insecurities because if they're looking at you a certain way and they're analyzing you or you think they're going to talk about you or they say something to you or whatever like they're saying that to you because they want to feel better about something within themselves that will give them a false sense of this person is below me so therefore i am okay in this area i am better confident people don't feel the need to talk about anybody to insult others compare themselves to others to talk about others behind their backs that's just the truth because they're fulfilled with themselves with the people they surround themselves with what they put their attention on they're not going to be wasting time insecurities are vicious they will look for anything they can find to validate themselves criticizing others gives people some sort of false superiority complex that they are better and they are superior and they don't have a reason to feel insecure when you start to actually care about yourself you don't feel the need to be hateful you know anyone who is being rude to you or talking about you behind your back or you know just tries to make you feel shitty about something it's not your problem it's not your responsibility and it's also not about you it is about them and you know after realizing this fact it gets really easy you have that like lens of okay this person feels good about themselves therefore they want me to feel good too i think that you can still be insecure and still be a very nice person but i think that a very easy way to comfort yourself when you're insecure is to try bring others down this is sort of going into social anxiety like what i just said and now what i'm about to say you kind of got to start switching your mind from like ah like being sort of scared of the outside well i'm saying this because i used to have really bad social anxiety i have been a shy kid all my life like in school i was not popular i have always sort of kept to myself and the people who i trust around me the idea of like walking into a room and being a part of like a bigger space and group of people who i didn't know or even people who i did know used to really freak me out and then i had to ask myself like okay why am i freaked out what is there what is making me feel so scared like what is the belief i have in myself right and then we go it goes back to what we were talking about earlier you know the vision what makes you feel so different from that like what is what's the issue right so identifying that i realize like i think a big thing about being insecure and having social anxiety and stuff is like you're so aware of the way that you might be coming across or you don't want to come across a certain way to people or you do want to come across a certain way to people or you have some sort of insecurity around the way that you're acting or being perceived i have felt that so strongly my whole life and it wasn't until i started flipping it being like no you know what i have nothing to worry about here walking into a that they get to experience you you know like seeing yourself in that regard of you're not better than anybody you're not superior but you love yourself and you are excited to add to this room you're excited for the people around you you are excited for your presence to interact with others because you are amazing and you are worthy of that and you are interesting and you love yourself and you love yourself for a reason all of this work that we're talking about all the comfort we're sacrificing to be here we didn't come here to be like oh you know like i'm gonna walk in a room like with my head down a little bit no we came in here to grace everyone with our presence you are putting all this work into yourself because you are worth it and you are so walk up to people and introduce yourself to people as that person that you love as that person who is watching this video as that person who wants to learn as that person who wants to grow as that person who does the uncomfortable things for themselves for the person who keeps the promises to themselves that person deserves love and respect and you give that to yourself and you're excited for other people to meet that person and you're excited for other people to engage with that person you are your dream self it's you and you get to mingle with the world as that person you don't feel like it right now i promise you through a little bit of discomfort you will and i'm just i'm getting so passionate because i literally spent my whole life being so insecure and i have just recently found the beautiful breath of relief that is confidence and do i have everything that my dream self would have no like i said this is a muscle that needs continuous upkeep and maintenance and work i've seen the proof fake it till you make it but no like just like even if you don't believe it be like this is gonna be a great experience for me and everyone in here is excited to meet me and maybe some people will act like they aren't and they'll be rude to you or maybe they won't like you not everyone's gonna like you right but like you like you and other people are gonna be attracted to that and it is going to be good i promise just believe it and keep believing it even whenever you find reasons not to believe it keep believing it and it will be reality and i can't believe it's true but it actually will be i wish i could pull like real life footage right now of like moments that i'm thinking of in my head throughout all my teenage year even like last year the year before just thinking of all these moments where like i was so i was paralyzed because i was so insecure around people the last thing i want to say is that there is just nobody like you i'm not saying this as like fake motivation and trying to make you feel better about yourself i'm actually telling you the truth that there is nobody like you there is nobody with your exact vision with your exact strengths talents weaknesses your story your history there's nobody who is meant to do exactly what you're supposed to do there is just so much uniqueness in every single one of us that we can be so ashamed of that we should ultimately be really really proud of because there is nobody else who is gonna do it like us um whatever that is there are so many people just waiting to look up to you whether that's at your family or the family you will create or the friends you will make or the friends that you have or the little you that was insecure unsure about something in themselves and now you're building that confidence or you're trying to reach a certain goal there are so many people waiting to look up to you and waiting for you to pave the way in whatever area you feel like you're not good enough for if you don't feel beautiful enough or you don't feel strong enough or you feel lucky enough or you don't whatever it is there are people who feel the exact same way people need an example i could not do what i'm doing and build the confidence that i'm building if i didn't have role models and examples the resources i've used for motivation and the books and the tools that i have clung to in the midst of this journey we need each other in order to do this because if there aren't people paving the way then we might not believe it's possible for us either you can do it you are that person and you have that vision for a reason there are so many other people with goals like yours and maybe they look like you and maybe they come from a similar background as you they need someone to look up to and they need to know that it's possible and like there are people that can help you know that it's possible and you deserve to feel all the confidence in the world i promise you it is it's worth it oh i'm getting emotional i can't even really explain to you ever since i was little i never felt adequate i never felt i could be somebody in a room i always compared myself to other people and it just makes me sad to like think of little ania not feeling good enough and then other people they prey on that like i said earlier insecurity is vicious and if other people feel silly about something in themselves they are making you feel really silly about it i have just gone through that like i've had friends make me feel so bad about myself i've compared myself to people and i have felt horrible mentally and physically about things i'm just in such a different place in my life and i just like never thought that that was possible for me i just always thought i was gonna be the quiet insecure girl who you know of course maybe had a little bit of confidence in this area and like oh can maybe do this a little bit or this and that but i didn't think i could grow past those points and to see myself choosing to do the things that are so uncomfortable but they they pay off in a way that is just so rewarding and in a way that encourages me to keep going i i could talk about this forever i really could i just hope you know that like you are not alone in this journey and all of us feel this way to a certain extent all of the time it's just a matter of who's good at combating it who is consistent with going through the discomfort of reinforcing new ways of thought and new ways of seeing themselves and showing that to the world i think it's beautiful to be able to help each other out and i wish that we could all just be vulnerable and lift each other up but sadly that's not always the way our world works but just know that i am here to do that for i am so proud of you and if you listened to all of this i am so grateful if you did can you let me know because i have a belief see here actively right here i have a belief in my head that i'm like nobody cares what i have to say that's not true and i know that's not true i do think that people care what i have to say because i care what i have to say you know like don't let that like that insecurity is something that it likes to peek itself in but i am gonna shift my focus very grateful if you listened let me tweak this a little bit and show you our final product here you