This is Etiquette Support.

AtDollyMarole asks,

I always do my best to have good table etiquette, but I still genuinely do not understand the no elbows on the table rule.

Why is that important? Three exclamation marks.

The no elbows on the table rule goes back to the medieval times in Europe, where they were eating from trestle tables.

They would put these benches out with sheets of wood on top.

If you put your elbows on the table, the table would tip and the food would go everywhere.

And obviously that's not very good etiquette.

And so it became the etiquette and not to put your elbows on the table.

We do really still abide by the no elbows on the table rule, because I think it looks really ugly.

AtQwellings is saying, what's the proper way to stir the tea clockwise or anticlockwise?

Great question. And the answer is neither.

Instead, we stir in a back and forth 6-12, 6-12 motion, gently flicking the teaspoon at the top of the cup, not banging around like that.

Thank you very much.

Set it back in line with the handle and enjoy.

R.G. Meister is asking, actually, f*** this site.

I'm learning how to cut cheese for charcuterie.

Well, you live life on the edge.

Here comes our cheese selection.

Thank you.

You don't want to take the best bit of the cheese for yourself.

And the best bit of the cheese, cheeses that are made in the round, is the nose of the cheese.

And on this blue cheese here, that would be this bit.

So we wouldn't cut like so, because you'd be taking the creamiest bit for yourself.

And that's not good manners.

Instead, we are going to cut down, keeping the original shape.

And then we would place that cheese on our individual plate.

We have a question now from Joe P.E. Haley.

How do you eat your peas?

Excellent question.

Cue the peas.

Thank you so much.

Just ordered this plate of peas from the nearest available tin.

What we don't do is scoop like this.

In really casual dining, that might be permissible, but in more formal dining, we're going to use both the fork and the knife.

Some people do this.

I think this is more difficult to keep those peas balanced.

You see, there we go.

One's gone.

It's much better to just spear them onto the tines of your fork and eat like so.

At The Etiquette Man is asking, is cheersing or clinking your glass on the table proper etiquette?

So many people do it, but it's not actually correct.

In formal dining, you're drinking from fine glassware that's expensively made.

And if you do start smashing your glasses together, you're going to hear the clink of glass all over the floor and that'll somewhat ruin the meal.

We have a tweet from at Shelly Lahey.

No, but why should we care about etiquette?

Like who the cares about which fork goes where?

Why does it matter?

They've put in block capitals.

Clearly have strong opinions on this.

Etiquette is important to everybody.

If you are a user of earth, then you need etiquette and manners.

No one is exempt from that.

Predominantly what I'm focusing on today is Western British American etiquette.

At Droovy Modi 10 is saying, who even decides table etiquette?

Like I'll keep the fork however I want without giving some secret message on whether I like the food or not.

Okay, so there is some etiquette fake news that does the rounds on social media.

There is a graphic showing the different positions to put your cutlery in based on whether you liked the food or not, whether you're ready for a second plate.

It's a load of rubbish.

The only positions you put your cutlery in when they're not being held in your hand is to indicate that you are resting or if you are finished.

When we're resting, the cutlery goes like so.

When we're finished, in Britain, we would put the cutlery together, but in other parts of the world, that might be at a slight angle.

And in France, the fork might be turned over.

That is what the waiting staff are looking for.

Atwaseem NYC is asking, is it ever okay to interrupt someone in a conversation?

Short answer, no.

And if it is okay, which it isn't, when is it an appropriate time?

I mean, look, if they're on fire, then you might perhaps need to say, can I just stop you there?

Your trousers are alight.

But other than that, let them finish.

But note to everyone else, a conversation is meant to be like a game of tennis.

You're not meant to hold the ball and not let it go.

At Virgin Radio Toronto are asking, is it wrong to taste a bottle of wine at a restaurant and then send it back because you don't like it?

Well, the restaurant are going to love you because you're going to be paying for the first bottle and the second bottle.

The only reason, thank you, that you can send something back is because there is a problem with the wine because it is caught.

And that's where there's been a problem in the storage process.

By the time you get the wine to about here, you will know that it is caught.

It will stink.

This is from B1acker.

How TF do you eat a big ass burger in a non grotesque way?

Well, that's an excellent question.

Thank you.

Now this burger, this is huge.

Nobody's got a mouth that big.

So instead you're going to deconstruct it first with your knife and fork.

Take the top of the bun off and then cut a little bit and then eat like so.

At Richard Bicknays is asking, what fork etiquette do you use?

I'm sure I'd get roasted in Europe for my very American knife and fork etiquette.

Well, yes, there are some differences.

In Britain, when we're using a knife and fork together, they are both held at the same time.

The knife stays low.

We obviously don't put the knife anywhere near our mouth and the food is conveyed via the fork.

And in Britain, the tines of the fork, the prongs, always face downwards.

Now in America, they will start like this, cut a little bit of food, place the knife down on the edge of the plate, turn the fork over, stab and eat, pick up the knife, cut another little bit of food.

This is an aerobic exercise.

This is not relaxing in any way.

So we don't suggest eating like that in Britain, but of course in America, it's perfectly correct if that's how they wish to eat.

Mr. Rickson is saying that according to etiquette expert Emily Post, there are three proper ways to eat spaghetti.

How do you do it?

Thank you.

You look so appetizing.

Well, Emily Post wrote her book in America at the turn of the 20th century.

Now I don't know about the etiquette back then, but I didn't think there were three ways to eat spaghetti, but today there is only one way.

You are not going to cut your pasta.

It's very bad form.

It is just eaten with the fork upturned in the dominant hand.

And you go in from the edge of your spaghetti, twist and make a neat little parcel, and then eat like so.

At lolitslaurence says, what is the worst etiquette sin ever?

If you do not say please, thank you, and sorry, as a human being walking on this earth, then you should be put into etiquette room 101 and the key should be thrown away.

Those are the absolute basic fundamental things of being a human being.

This one is from at sassy frenchie.

Do they know the etiquette in France is to arrive 15 minutes late at the host's house so they can prepare on time?

This is a really interesting one.

And I think one that is changing with different generations.

So in Britain and in France and several other countries, it did used to be the etiquette that you never arrived on time to someone's house for a dinner.

So if I said to you, come for 7.30, you would turn up at 7.40, maybe 7.45.

However, I think millennials and Gen Z now are slightly panicked if their guests are not there at the time they have said.

So I would say really, if someone now says to you 7.30, probably go for 7.35.

As a host, it's really nice to have those 10, 15 minutes just to have a breather, do those final preparations, have a gin and tonic.

And generally the friends that don't get the 15 minutes, 10 to 15 minute late rule, generally the ones that don't host.

At Kay Habing is asking,

I'm absolutely shocked that so many people think it's shitty to recline your airplane seat.

That's why it's there so you can recline.

I've never not reclined my seat.

My seat stays reclined, always.

Well, I think the cabin crew have got something to say at takeoff and landing about that because you're not meant to have it reclined then.

Oh yes, they're from Austin, Texas, which explains so much.

I would suggest that if you are going to recline your seat and you are right at Kay Habing, if you want to recline your seat, you can, but don't do it during the meal service.

Do make sure you just sort of slightly check behind you as a signal that you are going to do it and you do it slowly.

Don't do it violently.

At Ms. Robot Butler says, help, this girl is telling me about horoscopes and I've literally no interest in it.

I don't know how to get out of this conversation.

Try and pair them off with someone else.

Say to them, oh, I've just seen someone over there.

I must go and chat to you before they go.

But have you met Anna?

No?

I'm going to introduce this person with Anna and off you go.

It's much nicer than just going,

I've got to go, bye, and then walking off.

At Brave R Canine is asking, it feels like unless I hunt down the waiter that we want the check or bill, we could be there for hours.

Is this a thing?

The way to get a waiter's attention is purely body language.

We don't want any clicking, any clapping, or any flapping about.

Instead, sort of sit back from the table, make yourself a little bit taller and try and catch their eye.

As they go past, keep the hand at the level of the eye.

And then when they come over, please may I have the bill?

That's all you need to say.

At Ed Azumi is asking,

I need a crash course on how to properly address royals.

Well, I'm going to take the British royal family, the king and queen are referred to as their majesty, but direct conversation, you would say your majesty, and then you would call the king sir thereafter.

And Queen Camilla would be ma'am, and that's ma'am as in ham, not ma'am as in farm.

And every other member of the royal family, if they have an HRH, title would be your royal highness, followed by sir or ma'am according to their gender.

At Salt Cheek is asking,

I'm having an internal debacle right now.

A lady is standing in front of me in the train.

She looks pregnant, but not really.

Do I ask, do I offer my seat?

There is always that slight jeopardy, that of course you might offend somebody, but the good news is, you're probably never seeing them ever again.

If you wish to offer your seat to anybody who looks like they need that seat more than you, then yes, you can do that.

At Sean Cummins is saying,

I hold the door open for anyone always, but I would like some clarification on the optimum distance at which it is acceptable to let the door close instead of enduring that awkward long-ish wait and forcing them to break into that slightly embarrassed half jog at 2.4 metres.

No, that's a joke.

There's no correct distance for me to give you.

It's just what feels right, but at least glance behind and check.

At Bday1961 is asking, how do you get rid of house guests that overstay their welcome?

I have various different tactics.

First of all, I might say to them, have you got a very busy day tomorrow?

Or I might say to people, can I get anyone anything else?

Which again is another passive-aggressive piece of British etiquette to mean, please leave.

If all of that fails, you can just flick the lights and hope they get the message like a nightclub.

Well, those are all of the burning etiquette questions we've got time for today.

Thank you very much indeed for watching Etiquette Support.