Hm?

Were you behind the leak?

That's a great question.

This is a great question.

Pass.

Please just answer the question.

Oh, well, for f***'s sake.

Hugh, Ryan.

Hello.

We've brought you here today to take a lie detector test.

Right.

This is Louis, our polygraph expert.

Hi, Louis.

Hello, Louis.

He said his name was Lou when we walked in.

Yeah, I thought it was Lou.

That's your first lie, Lou.

Either way.

Oh, now we're being serious and professional.

Yes.

Hello, Louis.

One of you will be hooked up to the machine, while the other will ask the questions.

But we'll both be in expertly lit rooms all day.

And then you'll switch.

Ryan, you'll take the hot seat first.

Oh, f***.

Okay.

It's a different kind of kink.

Lou smiled.

Should I put my hand down or should I just keep it in this really weird...

Ryan, to calibrate the machine, I'm going to ask you some straightforward questions.

Please answer honestly and short.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Is your full name Ryan Rodney Reynolds?

Yes, it is, unfortunately.

Are you from Vancouver, Canada?

Yeah, in and around.

It's okay.

Okay, we're doing fine.

He was upset for you.

Well, I mean, I was technically born in a place called Murrayville.

It doesn't matter.

You know what?

I'll leave the questions to you.

Mr. Reynolds, thank you.

Thank you.

Are you about to take a lie detector test?

No s***.

Lewis, you're not meant to be smiling, Lewis.

Lewis.

No, but don't.

F***ing blow this for us, Lewis.

Okay.

I had my lips done.

Deceptive.

Oh, this is a Magic 8-Ball over here.

I love it.

You previously talked about failing a high school drama class.

Does this explain your limited range?

Wow, that's actually, it's written here.

That is really amazing.

I think I'm going to have to take that test.

I think it's like one of many explanations of my limited range.

I don't think anyone wants to see me as like a Dutch Impressionist painter.

Right, Metallica?

Am I right, Lou?

Lewis.

Lou doesn't want to f***ing see that movie.

Like...

Lewis, do you want to see that movie?

Appreciate the effort, right?

No, we're good.

Are all the characters you play just Ryan Reynolds?

Uh, yeah.

Sometimes Ryan Rodney Reynolds, unfortunately.

Truth.

Will we ever see Ryan Reynolds the musical?

God, only if they get the rights after my death.

Deceptive.

Oh, Jesus.

Fair enough.

Remember when they did that commercial with like Fred Astaire and a mop?

I was like, whoa, somebody's estate messed up.

Okay, is it true that your worst audition tape featured you singing?

Oh yeah, most of the worst things that have happened to me involved singing.

Looks, yes.

What was the song?

No, I don't remember.

Truthful.

Oh, truthful, okay.

Did you get the part?

No, you don't remember?

Okay.

No, no, no, no.

They actually just didn't even bother making it.

They saw me do it and they're like, you know what?

I've seen enough.

I know that's deceptive.

Self-deprecation slash deceptive.

Evasive.

Deceptive, yeah.

Oh, thank you.

We got your number here, buddy.

We've totally got your number.

Do you prefer Lewis or Lou?

Lou.

Truthful.

Next question, please.

You ran the 2008 New York City Marathon.

What was your time?

Um, oh, I don't keep track of such things.

Three hours and 52 minutes.

Suck it, Lou.

It was three hours and 52 minutes.

There's nothing wrong with a five and a half hour marathon.

I only remember it because some fuck walked up to me in a bar and was just like, hey, what was your time in the marathon?

And before I even say it, he was like, I was 3.51.

I was like, oh, did you Google search the fucking thing?

You fucking...

Deceptive.

Did you finish the New York City Marathon?

I sure did.

Truthful.

Truthful.

Okay.

Would you ever run it again?

Absolutely not.

Truthful.

Do you really need more people cheering for you?

I mean, yeah.

I'm just a black hole of, you know, unquenchable thirst for validation.

I want to hear the answer.

Very truthful.

Wow, no.

Some editorializing from Lou.

Yeah, wow.

It's outside the scope of, you know what?

Next question, actually.

You and your wife, Blake Lively.

Hang on, let me just ask a question.

Thanks for saying the whole name.

Is Blake Lively really your wife?

Yes.

Truthful.

Is it an arrangement ship?

Well, there's a 25-year contract, sure.

I don't think she can make it.

Deceptive.

15 years, got it.

Okay, you both started on Green Lantern.

Have you watched the Green Lantern yet as a family?

I would actually genuinely rather watch just a fucking 24-hour marathon of Paw Patrol.

But I have not watched as a family.

My kids have seen the trailer.

I saw the movie recently.

Yeah, there was a, what do you want to call it?

It was called a global pandemic.

And during that time, I'd finished Netflix, finished HBO Max, finished every streaming platform that exists.

I had watched all the fucking Bob Ross specials in Backwards, even, by the way, which is a shot-for-shot remake of The Exorcist.

And time to watch the Green Lantern, yeah.

And it was-

Truthful.

Truthful, yeah, Lou.

I watched the Green Lantern.

Lou's got time.

I was a little drunk.

That's also truthful.

You don't even need to-

Will you ever watch Van Wilder as a family?

Oh, that's a good question.

Somebody just asked me what happened to the dog and how's the dog doing in Van Wilder, which was shot 27 years ago.

So the dog just turned 40.

I'm sure he's great.

I was meant to show you that.

Oh, yeah.

Do you want to have a look at it, anyone?

True story, though, I don't know why.

Not my body.

That's just my head.

I don't know.

I was going to say, you're in great shape.

Yeah, right?

Really, yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Okay, that's enough of that.

Is that true about the body?

Truthful.

Yeah, fair enough.

On July 27th, 2014.

Oh, oh, okay.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm good, yeah.

The test footage for the original Deadpool leaked onto the internet.

Were you behind the leak?

That's a great question.

This is a great question.

Pass.

I just want to remind you that you are hooked up to a polygraph machine.

I just want to remind you that this does not follow the letter of the fucking law.

And if I wanted to break out of this room and destroy everything in my path, I will.

I would say that I...

What is the question?

And there's your guy.

No, no, that's like, you know, who wants to...

Lou, Lou, I'll tell you after, though, but I...

Please just answer the question.

Oh, well, for fuck's sake.

I mean, I might have provided an assist.

Truthful.

I was Scotty Pippen.

Hey, I was just there doing my job and someone else gets all the credit.

Okay, got it.

You starred in Free Guy opposite this man.

Oh, yes, Channing Tatum.

Handsome, charming, talented.

Do you think he would make a good gambit?

I do.

Truthful.

Do you wish his gambit film had been made?

That's not something I think about very often, but, uh, yeah, of course.

I want his dream to come true.

I love this guy.

Truthful.

Truthful.

This is a great guy right here.

I like the artistic tone.

Sorry, he'd make a great Wolvie, I think.

That might be another dream of his.

Thank you very much.

I'll find out.

Oh, sorry, sorry.

Yeah, I got real lost in there.

Not a lot of people make the Tony Zavala's work, but he did.

He does.

Did you lie at any point?

Did you lie at any point during this lie detector test and we didn't catch you?

Oh, for fuck's sake, yes.

Deceptive.

Yes!

Deceptive about the lie.

That's Karam Agar right there.

I'm on!

You want to sit down over here?

I'm terrified.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah, the little spikes in there.

And one on the tip of your penis.

All right.

Hugh, to calibrate the machine, I'm going to ask you some straightforward questions.

Please answer honestly.

Is your full name Hugh Michael Jackman?

Yes.

Do you ever just wing it, say fuck it, and go by Michael Jackson?

No.

Sorry, Michael Jackman?

No.

Okay.

Truthful.

That's great.

But I'm going to start.

Are you from Sydney, Australia?

Yes.

Truthful.

He's from fucking Milwaukee.

Can you notice the tone?

The tone is like, how could you even ask?

Maybe a little bit more.

Are you about to take a lie detector test?

Yes.

You and I are both huge football fans, yeah?

Is it safe to say that Wrexham is a better team than Norwich City?

No.

Truthful.

Not just that I'm telling a lie, but that's truthful in terms of soccer and football.

Noted.

Thank you.

If yes, are you saying because one of your owners gets you good seats?