It doesn't do shit.

Oh, what the fuck?

Pat me down right now.

Pat you down right now?

Pat me down right now.

No, for real, do this, man.

What?

Pat me down.

Pat you down right now?

You've got to do it, man.

Why do I not?

So I don't like, there's something about this,

I don't like one bit.

Step away from the car.

OK, you want me to?

No, no, no, put your hands down.

Put your hands down like a normal person.

I'm going to take my hands out of my pocket, right, real, real, real slow.

OK, real slow, all right?

OK, y'all understand?

OK, now look here.

Now, I wanted to ask you both a question about the contents of my pockets, OK?

Our first question was going to be, do you have any illicit substances in your pockets?

All of a sudden, this is like Jeopardy, where the question gets put to us, and then we have a, what the hell?

Now, OK, do this.

Set those down.

Set these down.

Just set them all down.

Set them all down.

Now, so I put my hands back in my pocket?

No, this time now, let's keep them up at our sides.

All right.

OK, let me just set up a scenario for y'all.

OK, like a scene, a setting, an example.

Are you going to tell us something?

Yes.

A gentleman was careening down the street, OK, and bumped into me.

Moving very quickly.

Now, listen, man.

I don't know if y'all believe in God, but I believe in God, OK?

And I'm going to tell you what happened.

Every one of them bottles have flown up into the air, and they have flown into my pockets.

And that was God knowing that I was having,

I was feeling a little down, a little blue last week, OK?

And he provided you with five oxygen bottles.

So the Lord provided for me.

Hey, you want to throw those on for me?

OK.

Thank you.

Yeah, that'd be great.

That'd be great.

Thanks.

I'll take a half, too.

Oh, you want a half?

Oh, you took a whole one?

How much you supposed to take?

Half.

Oh.

I'll drive.

Yeah, maybe you should drive.

I'd be more than happy to drive.

You're good.

You're good.

Holograph day.

Holograph.

I have a question in response to a rumor.

Is it true that you're strong enough to peel fruit with your private parts?

Yes.

How do you do that?

I'm confused and roused.

And yet you're working in law enforcement.

I don't get it.

There are exercises a woman can do.

Are there workout tapes for those exercises?

Not that I know of.

That's not true.

That's not true.

They're called Kegels.

Kegel won't peel a kiwi.

It's not a Kegel.

It's like a variation on a Kegel.

It's not a Kegel.

It's a backdoor Kegel?

Backdoor Kegels?

That's not what it's called.

Well, what is it?

Which door are we talking about?

Yeah, which door are we talking about?

What part of the door do you use to?

What part of the fruit do you use?

The inner door.

I don't think there's even a kitchen appliance that peels a kiwi.

OK, turn it off.

Go get a kiwi.