Twenty-some-odd million years ago, there was a bit of a rodent situation.

Things had cooled off a bit, and the emerging grasslands were perfect for general rodent activities.

Around the same time, there was a group of emerging carnivores, the mustelids, that saw all of this as an opportunity for a buffet.

Now the innovation of the rodent, those meatballs of the field, was the ability to dig and burrow with their claws and ever-growing front teeth.

And it can be a challenge if your favorite snack is packaged in a maze of tunnels.

So the innovation of the mustelids, like this one right here, was to develop a body plan that could go right into the tunnels after them.

Their bodies got longer and their legs shorter, until they took the form of a kitten snake.

Which is obviously awesome, but there's trade-offs just like anything else.

You can see how good a ferret is in a tunnel. I mean, that's some crouched-down walking right there.

But if you're all stretched out like that, you're basically planking the whole time.

And it's a great ab workout, but it takes some doing.

So, when they walk out in the open, they arch their backs and bring their legs closer together, to better bear the weight.

On the plus side, they can use their bodies like a spring when they run.

Here's a demonstration by a leased weasel.

It's a ridiculous name. I can think of plenty of things less of a weasel than that.

Your mom's screwdriver. That's less.

Sudoku. I could go on.

Your mom. Sorry, just wanted to say that.

Anyway, these stretched-out rodent hunters became quite successful, and evolved into a diverse group of animals alive today.

One thing, though, that they all seem to have in common is that they're fierce little f**kers.

I mean, no wonder. That's what happens when you spend a few million years hunting in a hole.

Think about it. It's pitch black down there.

You're in a narrow tube, and the thing you're hunting has teeth that can chew through wood.

Jerry, this doesn't look intimidating.

Looks like it forgot its lines at an audition.

Well, this one's even worse, Jerry. It looks like Mr. Magoo is a Furby.

That line dates me, doesn't it?

Anyway, to deal with rodents that I believe would be scary coming at you in a tunnel, mustelids evolved disproportionately strong jaws.

Many animals go wider when they want a stronger bite, but mustelids went long, with lots of leverage for those muscles to work through.

And the connection between the lower and upper jaw is a strong, tight fit.

Stays together even as a skull.

A dog or a human lower jaw just falls off.

Anyway, having spent their evolutionary childhood performing face-first colonoscopies of rodent tunnels, mustelids were plenty ready to f*** things up when they ventured out into the rest of the world.

The mustelid perhaps best known for its bad acidness is the honey badger, with its ability to fart bees and squirt acid from its nipples.

Jerry, that's obviously not true.

What do you mean, how do I know?

Jerry, nothing farts bees, alright? Do your job.

Anyway, here you can see a honey badger that has a python right where it wants it.

Jerry, again, that honey badger is clearly f***ed. Look at it.

Oh great, now it's going to be eviscerated by jackals too.

Oh s***, you were right. That's crazy.

I mean, the snake definitely thought this was going to end different.

Fine, Jerry, I did too.

Oh, now they're doing the spaghetti scene from the dog movie, Lady and the Tramp.

I mean, that's always been a horror movie, from the point of view of the noodle.

But you can see that the rest of the animal kingdom is still trying to catch up to what mustelids are capable of.

They can go wherever they want.

A number of mustelids followed the rodents into the forests, like these stoats who were filmed by the naturalist Robert E. Fuller, who's very good at what he does.

May not be as many tunnels, but there's certainly burrows and nests to raid.

Listen, someone had to make sure that the squirrels don't get too sassy.

Look at it licking its chops.

And if you didn't know, squirrels are f***ing fast.

But that's fine for the stoat, it'll try after anything.

Check this out, straight up diving shot for the bird.

And the other one's so confused.

And look at this stoat, it's actually thinking about it.

That's the most delayed reaction from the pheasant.

But of course, sometimes you'll have to settle for an egg.

I mean, that's one way to scramble it, isn't it?

It's not even a dad joke, just like a dad observation.

I mean, s*** if you're that size, an egg will make you an omelette big enough to wear as a poncho.

But listen, I don't mean to make it sound like rodents are pushovers.

A rat, for example, will put up quite a fight.

I mean, look at that, the rat goes right in.

And the stoat's like, finally, someone worthy.

And then it gets all crouching tiger, hidden dragon from there.

And sometimes you gotta know when to give up.

But I certainly don't want to give you the impression that these smaller mustelids are all piss and vinegar.

I mean, they have a softer side as well.

Look at this one stretching out in his den.

He's even got a little pillow, oh god, that's a dead mouse.

You have to admit, it's pretty metal using a corpse for neck support.

But here's a little nuptial scene.

Oops, she's pissed.

Look at that side-eye, that's amazing.

He's totally come home drunk.

Probably out drinking with the rat and lost track of time.

She's having none of it, and he knows it too.

Right there is the stoat equivalent of sleeping on the couch.

Because they can get very cuddly.

You think your legs get tangled up under the sheets?

Try your whole torso, like a weasel do.

I mean, foreplay can look like a Cirque du Soleil act.

And you know what that leads to?

Weasel sex, right?

I mean, that looks very similar to killing, actually.

But, on the bright side, it goes on for about 90 minutes.

So, there's that.

Now the embryos of most mastelids don't necessarily implant right away.

They can remain in diapause until the conditions are right.

To make sure the little babies have a chance.

I mean, right out the gate you wouldn't want these cute little bastards to have to make it through a winter.

And winters can be challenging for mastelids.

That long body means that they lose heat quickly.

And they don't hibernate, so they've had to adapt.

Maybe the most remarkable is that some mastelids, including this leased weasel, again with a name.

I mean, it is around the size of a hot dog, so I'll let it slide.

Anyway, they reduce the size of their brain case and their brains during the winter.

They've got a high metabolism and that brain takes a lot of energy, so why not?

You want to sell your car to a weasel? Do it in January.

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Where were we? Oh, right.

Now, these forest-dwelling mastelids can get quite a bit bigger.

I mean, those pine martins there aren't that much smaller than the fox.

But they're still quite comfortable up in the trees.

Look at this one doing a little inchworm down.

And then they get up to this.

I'll tell you right now, that's a fool's errand.

You don't let a squirrel goad you into a circle chase.

I mean, I get it, you can't give up once you start because you're so pissed off.

And now there's people filming it, for God's sakes.

And the only way to get to a squirrel is make fun of its tail.

Tell them they used product to get that poof.

They'll stop dead in their tracks, let you touch it.

It's all they've got.

A martin may be big enough to take on a cat, but mastelids get bigger still.

The wolverine, for example, went full bear.

With an incredible stocky build and the ability to fart bees.

God damn it, Jerry, you didn't do research, did you?

And I don't want to say it again, nothing farts bees.

Do you have anything about the wolverine?

It looks kind of like a bear, I just said that.

Forget it, just move on to badgers.

In addition to the honeyed variety, there's a number of flavors of badger out there.

Some of them more related than others.

They're all into eyeliner, but the European badger took it a bit far, in my opinion.

All badgers have the ability to fart.

Jerry, you deleted the word bees just now, didn't you?

Whatever, at least this way it's true.

Anyway, a long time ago, the badger said,

I'm tired of going into someone else's hole.

I don't want someone else's hole, I want my own hole.

And I want to wear sweatpants all the time.

So they changed their body into a pair of sweatpants.

And they learned how to dig with their incredibly long claws.

Their claws are so long that the badger wonders why a certain character is named after a wolverine and not a badger.

Look at him right there, it's bullshit.

Anyway, unlike other mustelids, badgers do dig their own holes.

And they're nice big holes, too.

Don't have to squat down all the time.

And speaking of squatting, they don't poop in there.

They go outside to poop.

Civilized, right?

And I'll tell you, if you need help burying a body, call a badger.

Look at this one.

Freezer's probably full, so it decides to bury an entire cow.

Save it for dry age.

Pay extra for that.

Until it rains.

Look how happy it is with itself.

Now, a number of mustelids are quite comfortable in the water and have developed a taste for sushi fish, like this mink here.

But one family of mustelids are particularly adapted to living in and around the water, the otters.

There's all sorts of them.

Here you can see some smooth-coated otter babies, which are, well, they're being ridiculously adorable, all right?

I don't have anything to say.

I don't even know what they're doing.

I just want to look at them.

Not everything has a point.

Now, in case you think the otters have gone soft, they haven't.

The giant otter, for example, is quite the predator and has a posse.

So if some nosy jaguar happens to be loitering on their turf, they're plenty capable to give it the what for.

Look at that.

And after they chase it away, they hurl insults at it.

The bodies of otters are streamlined with shortened limbs and webbed feet, which allow them to undulate efficiently through the water as they swim.

Those long bodies lose heat in the water, and unlike other aquatic mammals, which pack on an insulating layer of blubber, otters got very, very hairy.

Sea otters have the densest coat of fur of any animal.

You'd go through your whole stash trying to wax the nethers of a sea otter.

An outer layer of hair acts as a water barrier, while the layer beneath holds on to trapped air.

The air insulates sea otters but also makes them buoyant, so they can float around and groom themselves or have a snack, which people find cute.

Even though if I do the same thing but on a couch, naked with a bag of chips propped up on my tum-tums, for some reason I look pathetic.

It's a double standard and it's bulls**t.

Anyway, they can open clams with rocks.

Apparently you get an award for that, too.

Sorry, this whole thing put me in a mood.

Jerry, what else do they do?

They have the ability...

No, I don't even understand how you think it would be possible.

Jerry, if you breathe them in, they're not coming out the back.

You don't even have your piping straight.