Ugh!

What a disappointment, your first time.

Well, that's kind of the way it goes with me in first times.

Here, clean yourself off.

Well, that's exactly the way it goes.

It's not that bad.

It's not that bad.

It's not that bad.

No. For a dentist's office in the subway, it's pretty good.

Seriously, how are you not running out of here?

I have no choice.

Now that I have no money or health insurance, I have to get used to this third-world situation. Third-world situation?

This is an underworld situation.

Okay, there's bulletproof glass with a bullet in it.

All right, so the glass works.

It says to sign in.

Look, why don't you just take some of our cupcake business savings and go to a good dentist's office?

You know, one where you won't get a staph infection just from looking at the floor? No, we can't do that.

That's our future.

Once we start doing that, it's a slippery slope.

Nicole Richie?

I don't want anyone to know I was here.

I know this situation is less than ideal, but I am having a dental emergency.

No, he's having a dental emergency.

Come on, let's go over here and see if this man can help me.

Okay. Hi.

Welcome to Subway Smiles.

I told you, we'll get to you.

I'm sorry, girls.

I'm a little shaky.

I was just shot at.

I have a problem with my teeth migrating.

I have advanced bruxism.

Oh, I have hep C.

Everybody's got their something.

What do you need? We need to be leaving.

I just need a bite guard.

Oh, I can do that.

That's where I squirt foam in your mouth and make a mold.

Come in the back.

If you go back there with him, you'll need a bite guard and a rape guard.

You want the gas?

Is that necessary?

You're gonna want the gas.