Hey dad.

Mom, we need to talk.

Oh my god, is this another intervention?

Dad, I'm 90 days clean, I swear.

I took an Advil PM last night, but I took that as directed.

This is not an intervention.

But you may want to make sure your sponsor's available because this will kick you in the balls.

You're gay?

Uncle Robert's gay?

I mean, you've always had a big personality, but I never thought that...

You and Uncle Robert.

I don't see it.

Oh god, now I see it.

Mom, I can't stop seeing it.

I'm sorry, why don't we have a therapist here?

There was one here when the dog died.

Oh wait, there's more.

Tell them.

Haven't we had enough news for one day?

They're getting married because they want to make the most of their remaining years.

But that's okay.

I mean, I've always dreamed that I would spend my life with you.

If anyone can deal with this, mom, it is you.

You're always talking about a door closing, or a window closing, or opening something.

The point is, you would say that the journey starts in the unknown and there are butterflies that come from cocoons.

Oh, that's just shit you say.

Mom, three months ago his life was a total mess.

No shit?

What professor scores coke off a student?

And not even the one he was sleeping with.

Right, I was as low as you could get.

But look at me now.

Yes, look at him.

God damn it, he's a substitute teacher.

But I'm okay because of you.

Coyote, noob.

I have got to get out of here.

What the fuck, dude?