May I have your attention, please?

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here.

Y'all act like you've never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst in the door

And started whooping her ass worse than before

They first were divorced, sewing her over furniture

It's the return of the- aw, wait, no, wait, you're kidding

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?

And Dr. Dre says, nothing, you idiots, Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement

Feminist women love Eminem

Ticka, ticka, ticka, Slim Shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-what

Flippin' a you-know-who

Yeah, but he's so cute though

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose

But can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman's ass is

Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade, they got the Discovery Channel

Don't they? We ain't nothin' but mammals

Well, some of us cannibals who spit other people open like cantaloupes

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Women, wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up

Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records

Well, I do, so f*** him and f*** you too

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can't even stomach you, let alone stand me

But Slim, what if you win? Wouldn't it be weird?

Why? You guys can just lie to get me here

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears

Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear him argue over who she gave s*** to first

Little p***y put me on blast on MTV

Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world how you gave him an M***

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups

All you do is annoy me

So I have been sitting here to destroy you

And there's a million of us just like me

Who cussed like me

Who just don't give a p*** like me

Who dress like me

Walk, talk, and act like me

It just might be the next best thing

But not quite me

Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

I'm like a Head Trip to listen to

Cuz I'm only giving you things you joke about

With your friends inside your living room

The only difference is I got the balls

To say it in front of y'all

And I don't gotta be false or sugar-coated at all

I just get on a mic and spit it

And whether you like to admit it

I just s*** better than 90% of you rappers outkin'

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums

Like s*** is funny

Cuz at the rate I'm going when I'm 30

I'll be the only person in a nursing home flirty

Pinch a nurse's asses when I'm s*** for jargons

And I'm jerking

But this whole back of a hacker isn't working

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking

He could be working at Burger King

Spitting on your onion rings

Or in the parking lot circling

Screaming I don't give a f***

With his windows down and his system up

So will the real Shady please stand up

And put one of those fingers on each hand up

And be proud to be out of your mind

And out of control

And one more time, loud as you can

How does it go?

I'm Slim Shady

Yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

Cuz I'm Slim Shady

Yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

Cuz I'm Slim Shady

Yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

Cuz I'm Slim Shady

Yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up

Ah, Ha, ha

Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Let's all stand up

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh