I was good my entire life.

♪

Good morning!

I hope you all did your homework.

We love to do our homework

And we love our teacher, too

Then when I throw out these fun questions

You should know just what to do 2 plus 6 is 8

And good behavior is 3

And it's now that part of the class

When we say the time of day and date

It's 9 in the morning on January 8th

The sun is out smiling

And it's your husband's birthday

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Oh, my stars!

Stop singing, children!

Hush up now!

I forgot it's my husband's birthday!

I didn't get him anything special!

Maybe if we call him,

We could do a happy birthday surprise!

Okay, oh, yeah, right there!

I told you, we're not gonna use things!

Right there, oh, yeah, right there!

That's actually my asshole!

Not there, not there, not there, not there!

Okay, yeah?

Wait, this is Mayberry!

Remember what you taught us?

Think before you act!

Okay.

Oh, shit!

Sweetie, what are you doing here?

Shut up, Gerald!

You scream like a bitch!

Oh, God!

What have you done?

She had a family!

We could have had a family!

Wait, wait, wait!

Oh, dear God, what have I done?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, dear God, what have I done?

In front of you all!

I'm so sorry, my children!

Don't forget to work on your times table!

You do everything right in life, play by all the rules, and still get sent down here with all the Hitlers and Epsteins of the world after one measly massacre propelled by blind rage.

So that's why I'm here, to get my revenge.

I mean, was she hotter?

I'm just saying, I had a hard time understanding the unprompted melodrama you just spat at me, tits.

Anyway, I don't think you quite understand how we're operating down here.

See, we take revenge out on the living, and it sounds like the core cast of your sitcom of a death, frankly, are all probably down here in hell with you.

Not all of them.

That whore survived.

Now they all call her a hero.

How does it feel to have survived such a crazy bitch?

I just hope that sick woman finally found peace.

You are so brave.

Here's two million dollars.

Oh, thank you!

Between the talk shows and donation bullshit, she made so much goddamn cash, getting shot was the best thing to happen to her.

You're a hero!

You're a hero, girl!

My mama's a hero!

She is a hero!

You're a hero!

You're a hero!

You're a hero!

Oh, oh, oh, you're a hero!

She's not a hero!

Mm-hmm, yeah, okay, yeah, my thoughts exactly.

Moxie, stop shakin'.

You're gonna shoot our only hell hound.

Wow, I feel so loved here.

Just take a deep breath...

and let it out.

But it's a family.

Under what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human family?

I mean, if that's what the client wants.

Maybe like a shitty dad.

Or a mob family.

That's understandable.

But to eradicate an entire innocent, seemingly, in this instance, upper-middle-class family bloodline?

Hey, you don't know they're innocent.

This kid probably sets dogs on fire, maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online, and this guy...

this guy definitely watches.

Exactly.

Humans are full of secret nasties.

It's why so many of them end up here.

But guilty and innocent aren't our business, Mox.

Killing who we're paid to is our business.

Shoot the target.

I just think it's a bit excessive, and we could be a bit more selective, is all.

Guys, I want you to meet...

Our newest client.

Damn it, Moxie, I just bought those eels!

Bye, and don't worry, we'll get that skank in less than 24 hours, or your first kill is free!

When did we start implementing that deal?

When you set fire to my office in front of a client, you fucking dickshit!

Now someone please tell me that fancy book is still intact!

You mean, our only ticket to the other side?

Yeah, got it.

That's why you're my favorite, Loony.

You get a tweet now.

Ew, stop.

You're so gross!

Aw, stop it, I get enough of that from my therapist.

Now let's go lick some ass!

The expression is kick some ass.

Blitz.

Mine's better.

Oh, fuck.

That's gotta be her.

This is too easy.

Moxie, do you want this one?

Me?

Yeah, this one's simple enough for you to handle.

Any mother who just got out of the hospital?

Snooze you lose, Mox.

And I got you, bitch.

Wait, are we actually killing a family?

No, don't be a puss.

We're just killing a mother.

We're ruining a family.

But...

Hold on, hold on.

Let's just think about this.

What was that, Ralphie?

I don't know, Martha.

But whatever it is, there's gonna be tomorrow night's dinner.

All right, kids!

Guns out!

Looks like we got some rabbits to catch, young'uns.

What the fuck was that, Moxie?

I'm sorry.

They just seemed so wholesome and happy.

I panicked.

Oh, who the fuck is innocent, Moxie?

From the moment of birth, you're already a parasite leeching off your mama's kids.

Now get the fuck over yourself, you baby dick prick!

A new hole!

Scatter!

There she go, little critter.

Y'all can't hide long from me.

Oh!

Well, hello, little ones.

Aren't you cute?

It's nice to have a new critter to play with.

Play with?

Oh, crumbs.

I know you're hurt, little devil.

I promise I can make that pain go real quick.

Just come let Mama Martha put a bullet in your pretty little skull.

Damn it.

Stolas, this is a really bad time.

When isn't it a bad time, Blitzy?

What is it?

I've been meaning to follow up on our last little conversation regarding my grimoire.

What did you just call me?

My book, Blitzy.

The book I was given to do my job that I have allowed you to use to do yours.

I can hear you, darling.

Shit.

Anywho, I have been thinking.

I have been permitting you to access the mortal realm less than legally for some time now, but I do need it back to fulfill my duties.

I was thinking, what if we worked out some kind of exchange?

Favors for favors.

Doesn't that sound enticing?

You got to stop using your fancy-ass rich people talk, okay?

I'm trying to concentrate. I'm not getting fucked in my age!

Then let me keep it simple.

Once a month on the full moon, you return the book to me, followed by a night of passionate fornication.

And you get to keep it all the rest of the time, hmm?

Sound fair, my little imp?

Fine, whatever!

Oh, Blitz, I'm so excited!

I cannot wait to feel your slimy cock inside of my...

Gotcha!

So you're a little devil, huh?

Come to drag me and my kin to hell?

Well, not today, Satan!

Gonna send y'all back where you came from!

Bowie!

I had that fucking shot! God damn it, Moxie!

Satan, we return your filthy creatures back to the pits of hell!

May the root of evil remain honored as we continue thy work!

Yeah, that's not exactly how it works, ladies.

Your fire doesn't really hurt us, but I mean,

I could fake it if that'll get your dick hard.

Oh, shit.

Well, I'll just shoot you in your smart-ass mouth!

That would be more effective.

Blitz!

Moxie!

You're not getting your goddamn paycheck for this one, Mox!

Oh, yeah, thanks. I'm fine!

I'm sorry, sir.

I compromised our objective and put us in harm's way.

It won't happen again. I promise.

Apology accepted.

But if you ever pull a stunt like this again,

I will fuck you and your wife.

All righty! Job well done! Now let's get off.

Yeah, give me a moment.

I need to get something I left at the house.

Okay, fine, but hurry up.

Luna! We're ready to come home, dear!

I'll use while you and I are...

Don't move.

What are you gonna do, little guy?

Kill us?

I should.

You people are monsters, but you should have a chance at a life and a purpose.

Look at your children.

They have their whole future ahead of them.

You are going to face your crimes justly.

I will call your earthly authorities, and they will make sure you are dealt with fairly.

I'm handling this my way.

Oh, shit.

Uh, do you, uh...

Do you have a phone to summon 911?

Yeah, it's in the kitchen.

Then what is this for?

It's a universal remote. Got it for the kids.

Aw.

There he is. Have a good wank-off session, Moxie.

Excuse me?

Look, I don't care where you come in the living world.

Just come to your job on time, all right?

See you at the office.

You doing okay, sweetie?

Better now, honey.

I think I just needed a minute to process.

You have a good heart, honey.

Just a fussy head.

We got him, boys!

Ah!

Oh, did you see my little Mox Mox?

Oh, yeah!

You did it! Oh, Moxie!

Well, here's to another mission accomplished, and Moxie finally learned not to fuck up.

And killing people isn't that big a deal if they try to kill you back.

That's messed up.

But I paid for it.

Yeah, fuck that family.

You