Yeah, just having a few friends over for some drinks.

Thank you for the invite by the way.

It's so funny you say that because I was just about to invite you.

What about your girlfriend, do you think she will approve?

You're right, she probably wouldn't approve mainly because she doesn't exist.

Do you know any beautiful cashiers in the area who might be interested?

I actually do, and this one gets off at midnight.

But she doesn't have your number?

I think you should tell this beautiful cashier to call me when she's off.

Is there anything else I can help you with?

Yeah, why don't you give me a box of those guys?

What size would you like?

I'm sorry?

The condoms, what size do you want?

Oh, just give me the big ones.

So do you want the Magnum EXO?

You know, I actually tore right through those.

The way they're manufactured, I'm just not a big fan.

And if none of them are going to fit me anyways, I'd rather just have the regulars.

Because I want something that's a little bit comfortable with my body type.

Lubrication wise.

So we just go with the regular then?

Yeah, I'll take the regular ones.

If I want to pass out from loss of blood circulation, I'm like Johnson.

You're so funny.

Thanks.

Are you really sure that you even know what size do you want?

I'm going to need something that's going to fit the tusk of a fully grown Sri Lankan elephant.

Wait, an elephant you said?

You know, I don't want to sound forward or anything.

But maybe if you told me how really big it is, I can actually help you.

Do you kind of know like six?

Six inches from the ground maybe?

While I'm on top of the Empire State Building.

Okay, so what size is it?

Are you familiar with like television remotes?

Like an Apple television remote?

Like two, three Apple television remotes.

If you were to like rubber band them, stack them on top of each other.

Really?

It's just a solid piece.

Piece of what?

It's like one of these guys.

About a five dollar foot long?

You guys don't carry XXXLs?

They didn't have any at the horse stable that I usually get them at?

No.

You know, honestly, the more that I'm thinking about it, condoms don't even work in general with how big this guy is.

So do you have any like garbage bags you can toss your boys with?

I doubt it.

Big enough, that's what I always say.

That's what I said back in college.

Big enough for what?

Just an insane amount of pleasure, sweetheart.

You know what I'm thinking about him?

I think you need an extra small.

Yeah, maybe if I was a friggin' baby in my mom's womb.

Goo goo ga ga type of beat.

Okay, you know what?

I'm sorry about all this.

Can we just scratch literally all this?

Here's what I want to do.

Um, just give me the Magnum XLs.

That's my final decision.

I'm sorry about...

Magnum XLs it is.

Yeah, just Magnum XLs.

Yeah, these should fit hopefully halfway down, so.

I'll talk to you soon.

Yeah, I'll call you when I'm off.

Yeah, you're doing a great job.

Keep upselling these XL condoms because numbers are at an all-time low.

So keep making sure these guys are very insecure.

Well, there's no way that he was bigger than a small.

I mean, come on, he's finite.

Come on!