How old are you?

Almost 12.

Almost 12?

So you're 11.

There's so many kids here, huh?

You guys don't give a shit.

He loves me.

I love him too, but he can watch me on YouTube.

What's your name?

Where are you from?

What's your background?

You're asking your mom?

She didn't tell you?

Tell me the truth.

Your mom's a liar.

Tell me exactly where you're from.

What country?

Filipino.

Half Filipino, half Persian.

That's so beautiful.

Well, now I'm really happy you're here.

What is your mom was gonna tell you?

She was gonna teach you some lying, yeah?

Is your mom Persian?

Yeah, that's why she interfered our conversation.

See?

Me and you are having a conversation.

It's very rude for someone to go, Let me tell you where you're from.

Don't tell him everything.

There are other people here.

They're gonna find out a lot about our family.

Don't say everything.

Tell him you're also from Mexico.

He would never know.

He's a stupid comedian.

Tell him you're Mexican and then say, Hola.

Because he would never know the difference.

I love that you're an honest man.

You're gonna grow up to be a good man, yeah?

Half Filipino, half Persian.

That's a very balanced mix.

Yeah?

You are very lucky.

You know that?

You probably don't have so much hair.

You're gonna be very balanced.

Just enough.

Filipino, look at your dad.

He looks like a penguin.

This is fantastic.

No hair on your father.

Look how sexy that dad looks.

He's just like slip and slide.

Look at your mom.

She just shaved her mustache.

This is a fantastic mix.

You're the luckiest 11-year-old in this audience.

You understand?

Tell him I never had a mustache.

I lasered it off.

It never came back.

I don't shave.

Hola.

Tell her it's okay, mommy.

Any Latinos here?

Latinos, make some noise.

Look at you.

From what country?

Mexico?

Wow.

Who else?

Yes?

Mexican?

My Mexican fan base is incredible.

Really, honestly, it's growing fast.

I have six Mexicans here.

This is good.

Who did you come with?

All of you?

Wow.

What about you?

Solita?

I like that.

Solita.

Means she came solo.

What's your name?

Annabelle?

You're beautiful.

Nice to meet you.

I've been wanting to go to Mexico my whole life.

Just to find a nice avocado tree.

You know, I love avocados.

Mangoes?

Ooh, I love mangoes and avocados.

What other fruits do you like?

Bananas?

Mangoes, avocados.

I want to open a fruit store with you.

Okay, what country there?

China?

No!

What's your name, honey?

My name is Ely. Phoebe.

Phoebe.

No, I want to get it right.

Say it again.

Phoebe.

Okay, fuck it.

The way you say it, I can never understand.

Ely?

Phoebe?

Phoebe?

Phoebe? Phoebe?

Phoebe?

Phoebe?

Phoebe?

That doesn't even sound Chinese!

And Phoebe, you're 100% Chinese?

Yeah?

That's awesome, man.

You were 100% made in China.

So everything I'm wearing.

And as your boyfriend?

Your husband?

Why is he so big?

Phoebe?

Phoebe, Ely Weely's husband.

Can you stand up?

Please stand up.

Yeah, buddy!

Damn!

Did you see that guy?

Damn, bro.

What's your name?

Big.

His name is Big.

I don't really have so many Chinese come to my show.

This is really...

He's quarter Indian?

Like, how did that happen?

A quarter?

Was it an orgy when you were being...

Like...

When it was happening, like...

Like three or four Chinese and then one Indian goes, How are you?

How are you doing?

I am very sorry.

Can I just go one time?

These Indians are so quick.

The Chinese are like, Oh, what happened?

Quarter Chinese.

Good for you, Big.

We have a black guy in the audience.

Look at this guy.

This black guy is bigger than Big.

Holy shit, dude, you're big.

Wow.

What's your name?

Charles?

Now I'm confused.

Who's bigger?

Six, seven?

Six, seven?

That's why behind them nobody saw the show.

Charles, yeah?

You're a very good looking guy.

Your girl looks hot.

Where are you from?

Armenian?

I thought you're Russian, to be honest.

Yeah, your hair stylist is fantastic.

How long have you guys been dating?

Two years?

Wow, that's incredible, man.

You know, she hasn't seen her family in two years, Charles.

You know, all of these Armenians tomorrow will go to Glendale.

Oh, you know Harut's sister?

She's dating a black boy?

Six, seven.

She could never ever date an Armenian again.

Because nothing would ever work ever again.

You know, if you date her again, it's like walking into a park and you don't know where the exit is.

You get lost in the park.

You're like, where am I?

I don't know where I am.

Charles destroyed it for all of us.

And then they start praying.

I hope Charles marry her because it's over.

You know, it's never ever going to go back ever again.

Now, if she dated big, it would have been okay.

You guys are sick.

I don't know what you're thinking.

Single dudes in the house.

Clap.

Single dudes in the house.

Yes, this guy?

Oh, I like this guy.

You're a single dude?

I like that guy.

Stand up.

That guy with the tan?

What's your name?

Aryan.

How tall are you?

What do you do?

I'm a hair stylist.

If you tell me you did the Armenian girl's hair, I approve.

You're a hair stylist?

But you got it?

Like...

Just double checking.

There's a lot of stereotypes out there.

What do I know?

Six, two good looking guys.

Single?

How long have you been single?

Ten years?

One year?

Ten years gay?

One year straight?

Full year straight.

Okay, that's good.

Aryan, listen.

I'm fucking with you.

It's a convention.

Relax, okay?

Don't go cut your doo-doo tomorrow.

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