You like being a basketball player?

You serious?

I choked.

I didn't think you'd look up here at me.

A little preparation next time.

It's a Mitchell game.

Can we note it?

All right.

These seats are amazing.

Why you have candy coming out of your hand?

No, no, no, no, no.

I brought my own snacks.

Not because I'm cheap.

It's a matter of principle.

Plus, I get a little rush from the danger.

Be cool.

Be cool.

Be cool.

Just look straight ahead.

I've never felt more alive.

Whoo!

Okay, I just made it worse.

I'm not freaking out, though.

I'm gonna call your dad, and he's gonna tell me how to fix this.

Oh, my God!

It's Dad!

Where?

Right there, behind Colby!

Oh!

Oh, my God!

How weird is this?

Quick, quick.

Tell me something to say that'll freak him out.

Tell him I'm pregnant.

No, I'm not gonna say that.

Well, here we go.

How funny is this?

Hey, it's Phil.

You know what to do.

Well, that was pretty funny.

Ooh, the kiss cam.

Wouldn't it be embarrassing if the camera was on us and then the crowd started...

Crowds aren't related.

Not by blood.

Touch me, and there will be blood.

Not us.

What's wrong with you?

It's the kiss cam.

When it lands on you, you're supposed to kiss.

This is my wife's dad's second wife, so legally okay, but still weird.

That was awkward.

And we're back.

Oh.

Hey, come on, it's not a big deal.

I'm glad for caller ID, so you don't have to talk to your wife.

Oh, we're gonna talk, mister.

We're gonna talk and talk.

Dad, Mom saw you on TV.

You're dead.

Here's the thing.

The kiss cam is only supposed to be for the enjoyment of the people at the game.

They never show that on TV.

What people do in the privacy of their own sports arena should be their own business.

I know you're mad at me, and I know this foam finger can't make up for everything.

Honey, you just go change, and we'll talk about what you did later.

Okay, hey, thank you so much for those tickets.

Gloria tells me you had a real good time.

Not really.

No, I didn't.

God, I love your daughter.

Oh, I should come by and kiss that step.

Fix that step.

The picture can't happen today.

My pimple's getting worse.

Oh, honey, I am so sorry.

Can you stand?

Yeah.

Well, then the picture's happening.

It's all anybody's gonna see.

I wouldn't be so sure about that.

Did you take a look at her dress?

What?

Why would I look at her dress?

I love you.

Uh, Mrs. Dunphy, the sun is setting.

Oh, okay, yeah, this is happening.

Everybody, come on, let's go.

Mona, be careful.

I stained some furniture out there this afternoon.

Of course you did, Dad.

Anything else I need to know about, maybe the neighbors on either side are having a paintball fight.

Now, watch this.

Dad, in his infinite wisdom, stained furniture today.

Don't touch it.

It's wet.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Put that down, sweetheart.

Okay, okay, we got it.

Now, we're gonna go out here.

Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

How do you turn the sprinklers on?

Ay, of course, because I'm Latina.

I'm supposed to know everything about gardening and sprinklers.

You were here when they installed it.

Ay, yeah.

Ay, the box is across the yard.

You mean, you know, soaking wet yard?

That's great.

We are screwed.

No, we're not.

We haven't unwrapped our secret weapon yet.

Luke walks over there, Hurt Locker style, flips the switch, and boom, or not boom, water off.

Put the he in hero, son.

Oh.

Hurt Locker, it's more like Squirt Locker.

Really?

That wasn't funny?

I actually pity you guys.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No time to celebrate.

Stop it!