Yeah

And I was thinking

Actually, I don't like that when people say that to me

Even though they mean it in a funny way, it's fine, I'm not offended

It's just, I don't want to be half, you know

I feel like I'm...

Actually, you made a video before

In my early video

So I'm very happy to invite you out again to my channel

Before we start, can you introduce yourself to the audience first?

Okay

I'm half Taiwanese, half Austrian

And I spent my childhood in Europe

And I've just moved to Taiwan pretty recently

And I'm working and living here right now

And I ran into Jay and Cindy

A couple of months... Oh my god, a couple of months ago

I think it's three months ago

Yes, three months ago

And I was just on a lunch break

So that was a coincidence, but today

We actually wanted to hang out again and I'm very happy

That you invited me back

Yeah, it was actually really...

It was just good to talk to you guys

You asked some really insightful questions

And I went down the rabbit hole of watching all of your videos too

So it's pretty inspiring

I appreciate that

Because last time we have talked about

A little bit about your background

So what it's like being half Taiwanese

Growing the race in Austria

I think growing up in Europe

I was extra aware of my Asian-ness

Like I felt like I was the Asian person

So if people who didn't know me wanted to talk about me

They'd just be like, oh, the tall Asian

Like that was my one thing that people knew me by

That, you know, she's Asian

So that was a really big part of my identity

Like I'm Asian, I'm Asian

And then when I came to Taiwan

Suddenly I felt like I was just stripped of my Asian-ness

Like nothing about me was Asian enough

Not necessarily in a bad way, like you're not good enough

It's just like, you're just not one of us

It's kind of hard to say because it's not downright

It's not discrimination or racism

Anything very negative like that to me

But I could feel a very clear line drawn between me and everyone else

Like even you just said just now

When walking around that you did notice people saw me

And immediately they said, oh, look, Bai Goren

So there's always a barrier between us

And it's just been flipped

So essentially wherever I go, I'm a foreigner

I grew up as a foreigner

I moved here

I thought I would be at home here

But I'm still a foreigner

And I don't think that's ever going to change at this point

So I'm making my peace with it

Well, but that sounds pretty sad

I mean, a little bit, right?

Some identity stuff

Sometimes I feel a bit confused

Like I don't really see a group of people

I don't arrive at an airport and I'm like

I'm home and people look at me like, oh, yeah, she's one of us

Like no one looks at me that way

I'm always other

In Europe, I tend to feel that has some

The connotation with foreigner is more negative

When you say we're like Ausländer

A lot of people will think of people that

They took our jobs, you know

They look at you that way

And it's a little unpleasant

Whereas in Taiwan, I feel like

The connotation leans a lot more positive

And they are more interested and excited

And they want to ask a lot of questions

But you're definitely always a foreigner

But in Taiwan, I do feel like there's more curiosity

Rather than fear and discrimination

At least from what I've experienced

So that's the difference

But yes, it is a little sad sometimes

Because I don't feel quite at home

Or like I blend in anywhere

How do you see yourself?

I mean, as a teenager

Because I think maybe you have like

Like identity crisis

Yeah, especially

Yo, he just went there

Yeah

Especially if you were younger, I guess

No, you make a very good point

I'm just looking at my friend

Identity crisis

I just guessed

Bang on

Yeah, I do

You do?

Even now?

Yeah, even now

I feel like I started therapy a couple of years ago

And it's definitely one of the things that we talk about

Just kind of finding myself

Just because I haven't really anchored to any place

I haven't identified fully

Like fully white or fully Asian

Or just 50-50

And I feel like I'm getting to the point

Where I don't want to choose

I feel like I can just be a bit of everything

And ultimately, I think in the future

I think in the future

A lot of people are going to be more like that

Because we travel more

We have babies all over the world now

With people that aren't necessarily

From the same places that we are from

And so I think there will be more and more mixed people

And the whole identity thing

I don't think we have to be so 卡住 in just one

I think we can just

Like him, you know

Just roam around and take

Bits and pieces of everything you like

I think I'm getting more to the point

Of where I look at both cultures

Try to find like an outside perspective

And take the parts that I like

And kind of create my own mix

Like a unique one?

Yeah

Because there are a lot of great things

About the Asian culture

A lot of great things about the Western culture

And a lot of things that also don't work so well

A lot of issues with mental health

And hierarchy and pressures in society

That I see one side do more than the other

And then I can just be like

Okay, this works, this works

And yeah, actually this is one of the main reasons

I do want kids

Hi 你好

You want to speak English?

要讲英文吗?

要讲英文吗?

想学吗?

有机会学 他看到你很shocked 感觉得出来

So one of the main reasons

I actually want children

Is because I'm pretty excited about

Applying everything that I'm learning

Just growing up in a mixed household

And seeing the kind of conflicts that happen

And I hope to apply all the things

That I learned through that

And through therapy

Through introspection

And just kind of reviewing my own life

And hopefully create a life

And give my children a life

That is full of kindness

But still, you know

You still don't let the kids chill too much

I'm sorry, I don't know how to put that exactly

But just find a good mix

To provide a life that will nurture them

To be kind, happy people

That will prosper in whatever way that they choose

Sound deep

Sound deep

Okay, so what about your personality?

Do you think your personality is more like

European style?

Or maybe you still have like Asian style?

What do you mean by Asian style?

Maybe like traditional part

Maybe Taiwanese culture

Because your mom is from Taiwan, right?

So I'm curious about the education

Maybe influence you a little bit?

Okay, great question

I think I go through phases and eras in general

Like I had like, you know

A more crazy goth era when I was younger

And now I'm more like a

Grown up, wholesome, chill

Baosou area

Sorry, I meant era

Yeah, you mean in Taiwan?

Yes, but in terms of personality

I feel like there's so many parts

That all of us have

With regards to personality

Just think about how you change

Your behavior and your voice

And your mannerisms when you talk to

A small child or a dog

Your voice shifts a little bit, right?

You go up like, oh, you're cute

Even just now when we talked to the kids

Both of us, we went up

Yeah, the personality will be a little different

We always vibe with whatever is around us

So I feel like that part

I have a lot of both

So I definitely have a part that's very

Something that I would classify as more European

Even though I also want to be careful with that

Because I don't think it's exclusive to cultures

But what I see more often in European culture

Is more sarcasm, dark humor, cynicism

That's like my coping mechanism

Is humor

So I find that a lot of my jokes

Don't land in Taiwan

Because people get like

Why would you say that?

Like, oh no, it's just a joke

I mean, maybe just cultural differences

I guess, yeah

So that I find more prevalent in Europe

So that's that side

And then I have a very, you know

Bright, lively side of me

That's more bubbly

And I feel like that might be more Asian

Typically people would consider that more Asian

But I definitely go back and forth

And I notice

And my friends tell me that I change

My voice changes depending on who I'm talking to

And like, yeah

I find that I adapt

But they're all true

They're all a part of me

We don't become different

Or fake when we talk to kids

Or to puppies

Or to our boss

These are just different categories of our life

And they call for different parts of us

But I don't want to reduce myself anymore

To just one thing

I just want to make space for all of them

And I was just thinking

Sorry, this is random

But I was thinking about Harry Potter

Harry Potter?

So why?

Because of the half-blood prince

Because people have jokingly called me that

The half-blood princess

You mean when you were younger?

Yeah

You know the half-blood prince?

Why is that such a tongue twister?

Okay

And because

Yes, so he's half muggle

Half wizard, right?

And I was thinking

Actually, I don't like that

When people say that to me

You know what I mean?

In a funny way, it's fine

I'm not offended

I don't want to be half

I feel like I'm double, actually

And that's a good thing