Oh, you know, Jimmy wants to meet you, and you can go over to his apartment and da-da-da-da.

And I'm single, and I'm like, okay, yeah, cool.

Wait, what?! Yes!

What?!

♪♪

I don't know if you remember this, but we met before.

Oh, I remember.

Do you remember this? It was really embarrassing for me.

Yes. It was?

Yeah. I have not seen you since then.

I have not. Right? That is correct.

No. But this was years ago, and do you want me to tell my version of the story?

Yeah, you tell your version.

I'm walking down the street in New York City.

My friend Rick calls me and says,

Dude, what are you doing?

I'm just walking down the street.

He goes, I have Nicole Kidman with me, and she wants to meet you for maybe to be bewitched or something like that. So I go, What? Okay.

She goes, I can be in your apartment in like 10 minutes.

I go, You're going to bring Nicole Kidman over to my apartment?

I'm like, Okay. I don't know. What do I do?

What do I have something? What do I do?

He goes, I don't know.

Just get some cheese and crackers or something.

And I'm like, Cheese and crackers?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't have dinner parties.

I don't have anyone over my house.

I'm like, I have video games and sneakers.

I mean, I really.

So I go, and I go.

There's a deli, and I go in the deli.

I go, What? What do you mean cheese?

He goes, Get brie or something.

I go, Brie? I don't even know what that is.

I'm like, Uh. So I go in.

This is like, I'm on Ask Tyrant Live, I guess, or something.

I don't remember really when it was.

I just remember, I liked you.

And he was like, Not now. I'm married now.

But he was like, Oh, well, you can meet.

I mean, I don't.

It's not that way.

Wait, wait, what's going on? Wait, what?

So he says.

So Rick, our mutual friend, says,

Oh, you know, Jimmy wants to meet you, and you can go over to his apartment, and da, da, da, da.

And I'm single, and I'm like, Okay, yeah, cool.

Wait, what? Yes.

What are you talking about?

Yes. Can I date Nicole Kidman?

Sure. So I go over, though, and you're there in a baseball cap, and like nothing, just like.

I had brie cheese.

And you wouldn't talk. You didn't say anything.

You were like, Hey.

Do you?

I didn't say anything. I was very nervous.

And I'm like, Okay.

I didn't know this was a thing.

I thought this was a movie. It was like a hang.

It was meant to just, I don't know.

And then you put a video game on or something, and I'm like, This is so bad.

It was bad.

I swear, and you didn't talk at all.

And so after about an hour and a half,

I thought, He has no interest.

This is so embarrassing.

He had no clue at all.

And I kind of left and went, Okay, no chemistry.

And then I was like, Maybe he's gay.

What just happened to me?

Nice!

Sit down.

Sit down out here. Take care.

Okay, now I'm ready to do the show.

Come on, sit down.

So tell me, Jimmy.

Well, doctor, I remember it like it was yesterday.

Nicole Kidman walked in my apartment.

That was outdated.

Do you remember what the apartment looked like?

Oh, my God.

Anyway, we weren't meant to be, right?

Wow, did you make a good decision?

You did.

You made a great, a fantastic decision.

You didn't.

Anyway, it was like that.

Oh, my gosh, I'm in shock right now.

But now, so nice, we're both married with kids.

Yeah.

I can't believe I dated Nicole Kidman.

This is fantastic.

You didn't.

This is unbelievable.

It's unbelievable.

It's unbelievable.

It's unbelievable.

It's unbelievable.

It's unbelievable.

It's unbelievable.

It's unbelievable.

It's unbelievable.

It was one of the most awkward moments ever.

You're red.

I really am.

I'm in shock.

So am I.

I can't believe it.

You're definitely embarrassed.

Yeah, I mean, oh, my gosh.

Are you friends with Rick anymore?

Yes, I just saw him.

No, we don't talk to him after that.

He's adorable.

After that, yeah.

Well, yeah, you made a much better decision.

Keith Urban is so much cooler than I am.

He's a rock star.

You live in Nashville now.

I do, yeah.

He's always on tour, isn't he?

Constantly, like...

No.

Yes.

These country guys.

Yes, he's always on tour.

You're not trying to be all serious.

No, I'm trying to be serious.

Now, look, here's the deal.

Yeah.

I'm not always on tour.

I'm always at home.

Having a nap.

Kids.

You're working all the time.

Stop.

Okay.

But he just did a gig New Year's Eve, right?

He did.

Yeah.

In Niagara Falls.

Yeah.

Niagara Falls.

Yeah.

The Canada side or the New York side?

The Canada side.

That's the side.

The Canada side is like lights and it's almost like Vegas.

It's fun.

The New York side looks like a Lemony Snicket book cover.

It's sad and there's trees with no leaves on it.

And you go, what happened?

Why is that side so much worse?

Canada side, that's the place to do it.

It's amazing.

We've got to work on that side of the Niagara Falls.

I've never been to the New York side.

Oh, please.

No.

We'll fix it up.

But where does he play?

He played for a big show there for about 60,000 people.

60,000 people?

Have you ever been to Niagara Falls?

I had before.

I'm tired.

We can't even have a conversation.

You're feeling a little something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're feeling a little chemistry.

I'm hot.

I'm hot.

You're feeling a little chemistry now.

It's too late, baby.

Ship has sailed.

Okay, Nicole?

Taken.

Okay?

I am taken.

Okay?

I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding.

I can't believe this.

What a day.

I am never coming back.

I can't believe this.

What a day.

I am never coming on this show again.

No!

Come on, Elisa!

Come on!

They're feeling it.

This is fantastic.

And we love Keith.

I'm teasing you.

We love Keith.

I love Keith.

He's been on the show.

I know you love Keith more than I do.

I'm not saying I have a thing for Keith Irvin.

I'm saying I enjoy his music.

And I like him as a personality.

You're not fighting over Keith.

I don't have a...

This is a disaster.

Only one of us here is in love with Keith.

It's a disaster.

No, it's not a disaster.

But he's always been on the show.

And you've never been on the show.

No.

Is this why?

Absolutely.

It's so odd.

No, I just...

We would watch you at home.

And I'd be like, gosh, will I ever go on that show and bring that story up?

Hmm.

Maybe not.

And you did.

And now I did.

Anyway, let's talk about Paddington.

This is the best day ever, man.

This is a great day.

Let's talk about Paddington.

Paddington, congrats already.

It's a big hit already.

Internationally.

Internationally, right?

Yes.

Overseas.

They released you overseas first.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I remember I got brie cheese.

And corn chips.

Corn chips?

Yeah.

Did I get corn chips?

Yeah.

And some old Chinese food.

How can I buy old Chinese food?

It was in the fridge.

It was in the fridge.

It really was nothing there.

Yeah, I've got a good memory.

Oh, my God.

I remember I got saltine crackers.

And I didn't have...

Oh, it was just really awful.

I didn't know...

And what sport do you really like?

Was it baseball or something?

What sport was I into?

What hat was I wearing?

Yeah.

You were wearing some baseball hat.

Yeah.

I love that you remember I was wearing a baseball hat.

Cool, man.

And some sweats.

I was not wearing sweatpants!

What are you talking about?

It's like you went over to, like,

Duck Dynasty guy's house or something.

I was not wearing camo sweatpants.

I was dressed in probably a three-piece suit or something.

You weren't interested.

So you wore sweatsuits.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you wore sweats and a baseball cap.

That's not true!

I didn't even know what you were talking about.

Now I'm, like, freaking out.

All right.

I'm gonna go back to Paddington.

We're gonna edit this out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The bear.

The bear.