Today's match is sponsored by Herbs of Goldfish Oil.

今天的比賽由草本金龍魚油贊助。

Oh, did you see that?

哦，你看到了嗎？

There's a rally going on between Agnes and Norma with the blue balloon.

艾格尼絲和諾瑪拿著藍色氣球在集會。

Fucken one, two, three, and aww Norma has spaced out.

他媽的，一、二、三，啊，諾瑪已經昏過去了。

She's choked.

她被噎住了

But look at Ernie swooping in.

但是，你看厄尼猛撲過來。

BAM!

BAM！

He's got a bigger backhand than Roger Federer.

他的反手比羅傑-費德勒還大。

Agnes is caught on the back foot and lobs it high into the fucken sky.

艾格尼絲後腳一接，把球高高地拋向了他媽的天空。

Crikey, she did a combo.

哎呀，她還真有一套。

She lobs the blue balloon, then Ronda tries to fucken take her out with the red balloon.

她把藍氣球扔了出去，然後隆達試圖用紅氣球幹掉她。

She yells, get fucked Ronda, and fires it downfield.

她大喊 "去死吧，隆達"，然後把球傳到了前場。

Ronda is like, fair play bitch, you got me this time.

Ronda 就像一個公平競爭的婊子，這次你贏了。

Norma is still spaced out.

諾瑪還在發呆。

She's having a jolly good time though.

不過她玩得很開心。

The great thing about this sport is that you don't have to give a fuck about it.

這項運動最棒的地方在於，你不必在乎它。

Oh, unless you're Agnes.

除非你是艾格尼絲

She gives a fuck.

她才不管呢

They don't call her Agile Agnes around the village for nothing.

村裡人叫她艾格尼絲可不是白叫的。

She trains night and day, she watches her diet, and she has a tremendous hairdo to boot.

她夜以繼日地訓練，注意飲食，髮型也非常漂亮。

She's a champion.

她是冠軍

The only one, the only one that could challenge her would be old mate Ernie with his big fuck off Roger Federer backhand.

唯一一個，唯一一個能挑戰她的人是老夥計厄尼，他的反手是羅傑-費德勒（Roger Federer）。

Everyone else is a bit of an amateur to be honest.

說實話，其他人都有點業餘。

Anyway, what a fair dinkum great day in the village.

總之，今天在村子裡過得很開心。

Summer has arrived in the Southern Hemisphere and this video has me fucken pumped.

南半球的夏天已經到來，這段視頻讓我興奮不已。

Here we have a Flowrider employee easing a middle-aged man into his first ever extreme sport experience.

在這裡，Flowrider 的一名員工正在引導一名中年男子進行他的首次極限運動體驗。

The Flowrider employee says you just keep your feet on the board.

Flowrider 的員工說，你只需把腳放在滑板上。

It's bloody piss easy.

太他媽容易了

But it doesn't look piss easy.

但這看起來並不容易。

The middle-aged man is as wobbly as a barrel on stilts.

這位中年男子就像高蹺上的木桶一樣搖搖晃晃。

He yells out Whoa Nelly!

他大喊 "哇，耐莉"！

The Flowrider employee says come on grandpa, quit holding onto me.

Flowrider 的員工說，來吧，爺爺，別抓著我了。

Grow a pair of balls mate.

長點膽量吧，夥計。

Where are your bloody balls?

你那該死的蛋蛋呢？

I'm looking down there and I can't see them.

我往下看，卻看不到他們。

I know you have them.

我知道你有。

You need to quit doubting yourself and believe.

你需要放棄對自己的懷疑，相信自己。

Unleash those balls and let go.

釋放膽量，放手一搏。

Be free.

自由自在。

Be free motherfucker.

自由吧，混蛋

Yeah, no.

是啊，沒有。

Okay, I got you.

好的，我明白了

I got you daddy.

有我呢，爸爸

The middle-aged man says don't call me daddy.

中年男子說，別叫我爸爸。

That's creepy.

真讓人毛骨悚然。

To be fair, I reckon I couldn't do this either.

公平地說，我估計我也做不到。

I think this fella reflects my future.

我覺得這傢伙反映了我的未來。

He is my spirit animal.

他是我的精神動物。

Whoever's controlling the water is getting fed up.

不管是誰在控制水源，他都快受不了了。

They start fucking with the direction of it.

他們開始改變方向。

He's got no choice.

他別無選擇。

He's just gonna have to ride the wave.

他只能順勢而為。

Take the plunge.

大膽嘗試

Yeah, he's done it.

是的，他做到了。

He's done it.

他做到了

No he hasn't.

不，他沒有。

The Flowrider employee is a bit of a helicopter parent actually.

實際上，Flowrider 的員工有點像直升機家長。

He smothers the middle-aged man.

他把那個中年男子悶死了。

Okay, here we go.

好了，我們開始吧。

Kelly Slater, eat your heart out.

凱利-斯萊特，吃掉你的心吧。

The world has a new surfing champion.

世界又多了一位衝浪冠軍。

He's gonna get an EA Sports game named after him.

他將會得到一款以他名字命名的 EA 體育遊戲。

He is fair dinkum cruising.

他是個公平的巡航者。

He's a natural.

他很有天賦。

He is a natural.

他很有天賦。

Oh wait a sec.

等一下

Hold your horses.

稍安勿躁。

Man down.

有人倒下了

Man down.

有人倒下了

Oh, he never should've left the house.

他不該離開家的

This is what happens when you take risks.

這就是冒險的結果。

The poor wanker is gonna drown in a fake ocean while his family films it.

這個可憐的傢伙會在假海中淹死，而他的家人會拍下這一幕。

They're gonna be like remember that time dad drowned in a theme park?

他們會說，還記得爸爸在主題公園溺水的那次嗎？

That was funny.

真有趣

Okay, no.

好吧，不

They stopped the water.

他們停了水。

Thank you.

謝謝。

Okay, that's good.

好的，很好。

He's safe.

他很安全

He tells everyone not to panic.

他告訴大家不要驚慌。

No one was.

沒有人。

Now he gets a burst of adrenaline.

現在，他的腎上腺素飆升。

He feels like he was part of Point Break with Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves.

他感覺自己就像帕特里克-斯維茲（Patrick Swayze）和基努-裡維斯（Keanu Reeves）在《驚爆點》（Point Break）中的角色。

He fell over again.

他又摔倒了。

Oh dear.

天哪

Now he's excited.

現在他很興奮。

He's like that was bloody gnarly.

他說，那太可怕了。

Best summer ever.

最美好的夏天

Welcome to what's shaping up to be one of the most controversial videos for 2018.

歡迎觀看 2018 年最具爭議的視頻之一。

Here we have a mama bear and her cub just trying to get to the top of a mountain.

這裡有一隻母熊和它的小熊，正試圖爬上山頂。

Unfortunately for them a hobbyist drone operator has decided that today's a good day to audition to be a fucking BBC Planet Earth cinematographer.

不幸的是，一個業餘無人機操作員認為今天是個好日子，可以去英國廣播公司（BBC）試鏡，成為一名他媽的《地球》攝影師。

Yeah nah yeah.

是啊是啊。

Look I've added in the sound of the drone so you really, you really get an idea of the atmosphere here.

聽著，我加入了無人機的聲音，這樣你就能真正感受到這裡的氣氛。

Drone sounds Yeah the drone is probably one of those ones that's marketed as quiet or silent.

無人機的聲音 是啊，無人機很可能是那種市場上標榜為安靜或無聲的無人機。

It's a peaceful as fuck non-intrusive atmosphere I'm sure.

我敢肯定，這裡的氣氛一定很寧靜，沒有任何干擾。

I'm not being sarcastic at all.

我不是在諷刺你。

Anyway baby bear is like Mum can you fucking hear that?

總之，熊寶寶就像媽媽一樣，你他媽能聽到嗎？

What is that sound?

那是什麼聲音？

Is it a bird of prey?

是猛禽嗎？

Is it one of those 747 Boeings that you told me about?

是你跟我說過的那種 747 波音飛機嗎？

The planes?

飛機？

Mum's like I don't know to be honest.

說實話，我也不知道。

It's probably got something to do with humans but I couldn't tell you what the fuck it is.

這可能與人類有關，但我也說不清楚。

Just focus on the mountain cause that's what's gonna kill you.

把注意力集中在山上，因為那會要了你的命。

Whereas baby bear is like the mountain's a piece of piss.

而熊寶寶就像山裡的一泡尿。

I'm not worried about the mountain I'm worried about what's sneaking up behind me and now the fucking drone operator is going for a career making shot.

我不擔心山，我擔心的是在我身後偷襲我的人，而現在那個該死的無人機操作員正準備進行一次職業生涯的拍攝。

Mama gets freaked out.

媽媽嚇壞了。

She takes a swipe and baby bear slides all the way down, down, down, down.

她輕輕一揮，熊寶寶就一路滑下去，滑下去，滑下去，滑下去。

Sorry mum I fucked up.

對不起，媽媽，我搞砸了。

I didn't mean to slide all the way down there but I'm just, I'm really distracted.

我不是故意要滑下去的，只是，我真的分心了。

Why do the humans wanna hover above me?

為什麼人類要在我頭上盤旋？

Are they watching me?

他們在看我嗎？

Are they spying on me?

他們在監視我嗎？

I mean what's so good about my life?

我是說我的生活有什麼好的？

All I do is eat shit, sleep, play, piss, eat shit, sleep, play, piss, repeat cycle.

我所做的就是吃屎、睡覺、玩耍、撒尿、吃屎、睡覺、玩耍、撒尿，週而復始。

What's in it for them?

他們有什麼好處？

I don't fucking get it.

我真他媽不明白。

Yeah, I know honey.

我知道 親愛的

I don't know why either.

我也不知道為什麼。

They just, you know, they don't have much going on in their own lives and seeing you climb up a steep mountain probably means something to them.

他們只是，你知道，他們在自己的生活中沒有太多事情要做，看到你爬上陡峭的山峰，對他們來說可能意味著什麼。

You might end up on a poster that says perseverance or persistence or determination or something to do with hard work making money in the end.

你可能會看到一張海報，上面寫著鍥而不捨、堅持不懈、下定決心，或者與辛勤工作最終賺錢有關的內容。

That's probably what they wanna use you for.

這可能就是他們想利用你的原因。

What the, what, what, what, what the fuck?

什麼，什麼，什麼，什麼，什麼他媽的？

What the fuck?

搞什麼鬼？

Am I gonna get any of this money stuff that you speak of for inspiring the humans, for encouraging them, for motivating them to get off their fat lazy asses and to achieve their dreams?

你說的這些錢是用來激勵人類、鼓勵他們、促使他們擺脫懶惰的肥屁股、實現夢想的嗎？

Am I?

我有嗎？

Am I gonna get any of that money?

我能拿到那些錢嗎？

Probably not, honey.

可能不會，親愛的

The humans, they're not big sharers.

人類不善於分享。

Just don't worry about it.

別擔心

We don't need it, okay?

我們不需要它，好嗎？

Come here.

過來

Let's go.

我們走吧

Let's go into the bush.

讓我們進入灌木叢。

We'll go find some fish.

我們去找些魚

We'll go have a feed, okay?

我們去吃點東西，好嗎？

Alright.

好吧。

Here we have a frog that appears to be fucked.

這裡有一隻青蛙，它似乎被搞死了。

Yeah nah, it is fucked.

是啊是啊，真是糟透了。

It has its head stuck in a snake's mouth.

它的頭卡在蛇嘴裡。

I believe it got its head stuck there because it was tricked.

我相信它的頭卡在那裡是因為被騙了。

The snake was like excuse me, Mr. Frog.

青蛙先生，請原諒。

Ehhh, I'm sick.

我病了

Please come here.

請到這裡來。

And Mr. Frog, being an upstanding member of society was like oh what's wrong?

而青蛙先生，作為一個正直的社會成員，就像哦，怎麼了？

How can I help?

我能幫上什麼忙？

The snake said can you please perform a gastroscopy on me?

蛇說，你能給我做個胃鏡檢查嗎？

I have heartburn.

我有胃灼熱。

I need you to just take a quick look into my gullet and let me know if there's anything abnormal going on down there.

我需要你快速檢查一下我的食道，告訴我下面是否有異常情況。

The frog said no fucking worries and then BAM!

青蛙說不用擔心，然後 "砰 "的一聲！

The snake locked onto its dumb face.

蛇鎖定了它那張呆滯的臉。

So, that's where we're at.

這就是我們的現狀。

That's how we got here.

我們就是這麼過來的。

Now the snake is taking the frog back to its slimy lair.

現在，蛇把青蛙帶回了它那黏糊糊的巢穴。

It's gonna devour it.

它會把它吃掉

It's gonna digest it.

它會消化的

And it will probably shit it out in a few days.

也許過幾天就會拉出來。

Unfortunately, that's the world we live in.

不幸的是，這就是我們生活的世界。

There's nothing we can really do about that.

對此，我們真的無能為力。

Oh no!

哦，不

I was wrong.

我錯了。

I was being a dodgy cynical fuckknuckle.

我是個玩世不恭的混蛋。

The frog has managed to get away.

青蛙成功逃脫了。

It is gone.

它不見了。

It has piss bolted.

栓上了小便。

It's out of there.

它從那裡出來了。

I can't see it.

我看不到。

It's totally gone.

它完全消失了。

Oh no, there it is.

哦，不，它就在那兒。

It's sitting right there on its fat fucking ass.

它就坐在那裡，屁股肥得要命。

Move!

移動！

Go!

走吧

Get a wriggle on!

蠕動起來

Escape!

逃跑

Ah fuck yes!

啊，他媽的是的！

Welcome to fight day.

歡迎來到戰鬥日

The time has come ladies and gents.

女士們，先生們，時機已到。

We have discovered America's most badass cop.

我們發現了美國最壞的警察。

Remember Dirty Harry?

還記得《骯髒的哈里》嗎？

Fuck him.

去他的

Shaft?

軸？

Fuck him.

去他的

Robocop?

機械戰警？

Fuck that guy.

去他的

This here, this bloke is America's new number one.

這個人是美國新的頭號人物。

I suppose these street toughs were like Oi pig!

我想這些街頭悍匪就像 Oi pig 一樣！

You reckon you're so good cause you got a gun?

你以為有槍就了不起？

And he was like Oi!

他就像噯！

What did you say mate?

你說什麼？

And then he got his gloves out of the car or some shit.

然後他從車裡拿出手套什麼的。

I dunno.

我不知道。

I dunno how it went down.

我不知道是怎麼回事。

Anyway, here we go.

總之，我們開始吧。

Round one.

第一回合

Ding ding ding.

叮叮叮

Let's commence.

讓我們開始吧。

Oh!

哦！

He wastes fuck all time.

他浪費了他媽的所有時間。

That was some efficient cop boxing.

這才是高效的警察拳擊。

There's a jabby jab and he stays low.

一記刺拳，他保持低姿勢。

Another jabby jab.

又是一記刺拳。

The civilian already has a bit of shit in his pants I reckon.

我估計那個平民褲子裡已經有點屎了。

That guy yells world star as he gets the best camera angle.

那個傢伙在獲得最佳拍攝角度時，大喊 "世界明星"。

And they just toy with each other here.

他們就在這裡互相玩弄。

Nice and easy.

簡單明瞭。

Nothin' too fancy.

沒什麼太花哨的。

They...

他們...

Oh!

哦！

Woah!

哇

Oh!

哦！

I'm honestly just making turkey noises because I am so impressed.

老實說，我只是在發出火雞的叫聲，因為我太感動了。

He's got all the combos.

他有所有的組合拳。

He's got hooks, jabby jabs, uppercuts.

他有鉤拳、刺拳和上勾拳。

He should be a character in Street Fighter.

他應該成為《街頭霸王》中的一個角色。

Oh!

哦！

That was a bit low.

這有點低。

Nah, there was a dodgy low blow there.

不，那是一個可疑的低擊。

There...

那裡...

Oh!

哦！

There was a huge fucking hit to the skull.

頭骨被重重地撞了一下。

The civilian is trying to fight back.

平民試圖反擊。

He's trying to lift his game, but the copper is too composed.

他在努力提升自己的比賽水準，但銅球太沉穩了。

And in comes the referee.

裁判進來了。

That's enough.

夠了

Everyone is like yeah nah, you can do more than just shoot people.

每個人都會說，是啊是啊，你能做的可不只是開槍打人。

She loves it.

她很喜歡。

She got value for money.

她覺得物有所值。

Yeah nah, he is truly a hard-boiled detective who should not be pushed over the edge.

是啊，他確實是個不折不扣的硬漢偵探，不應該被逼上絕路。

Here we have one of the most intense videos on the internet.

這是互聯網上最激烈的視頻之一。

So if you're an anxious person, look away now.

所以，如果你是一個焦慮的人，現在就把目光移開吧。

Okay, for those of you still here, as you can see this sheila is stranded near a hill and she's hanging out at the top of her sunroof.

好了，對於那些還在這裡的人來說，你們可以看到這隻希拉被困在一座小山附近，她正趴在天窗頂上。

The whole side of the road is fucking flooded.

整條路都他媽被水淹了。

Thankfully, emergency services has arrived and they've brought in their big fuck off life raft.

幸好急救人員趕到了，他們帶來了救生筏。

She's like bring it a bit closer.

她想再靠近一點。

Can you bring it a bit closer please?

能再靠近一點嗎？

I don't want to get my feet or my pants wet.

我可不想弄溼我的腳或褲子。

They reach out to her.

他們向她伸出援手。

That guy's like come with me if you want to live and she slides in slowly.

那個人說，如果你想活命，就跟我走吧，然後她就慢慢滑了進去。

She's made it.

她成功了

She's done it.

她做到了

Nah, it's all good.

不，一切都很好。