Today's match is sponsored by Herbs of Goldfish Oil.

Oh, did you see that?

There's a rally going on between Agnes and Norma with the blue balloon.

Fucken one, two, three, and aww Norma has spaced out.

She's choked.

But look at Ernie swooping in.

BAM!

He's got a bigger backhand than Roger Federer.

Agnes is caught on the back foot and lobs it high into the fucken sky.

Crikey, she did a combo.

She lobs the blue balloon, then Ronda tries to fucken take her out with the red balloon.

She yells, get fucked Ronda, and fires it downfield.

Ronda is like, fair play bitch, you got me this time.

Norma is still spaced out.

She's having a jolly good time though.

The great thing about this sport is that you don't have to give a fuck about it.

Oh, unless you're Agnes.

She gives a fuck.

They don't call her Agile Agnes around the village for nothing.

She trains night and day, she watches her diet, and she has a tremendous hairdo to boot.

She's a champion.

The only one, the only one that could challenge her would be old mate Ernie with his big fuck off Roger Federer backhand.

Everyone else is a bit of an amateur to be honest.

Anyway, what a fair dinkum great day in the village.

Summer has arrived in the Southern Hemisphere and this video has me fucken pumped.

Here we have a Flowrider employee easing a middle-aged man into his first ever extreme sport experience.

The Flowrider employee says you just keep your feet on the board.

It's bloody piss easy.

But it doesn't look piss easy.

The middle-aged man is as wobbly as a barrel on stilts.

He yells out Whoa Nelly!

The Flowrider employee says come on grandpa, quit holding onto me.

Grow a pair of balls mate.

Where are your bloody balls?

I'm looking down there and I can't see them.

I know you have them.

You need to quit doubting yourself and believe.

Unleash those balls and let go.

Be free.

Be free motherfucker.

Yeah, no.

Okay, I got you.

I got you daddy.

The middle-aged man says don't call me daddy.

That's creepy.

To be fair, I reckon I couldn't do this either.

I think this fella reflects my future.

He is my spirit animal.

Whoever's controlling the water is getting fed up.

They start fucking with the direction of it.

He's got no choice.

He's just gonna have to ride the wave.

Take the plunge.

Yeah, he's done it.

He's done it.

No he hasn't.

The Flowrider employee is a bit of a helicopter parent actually.

He smothers the middle-aged man.

Okay, here we go.

Kelly Slater, eat your heart out.

The world has a new surfing champion.

He's gonna get an EA Sports game named after him.

He is fair dinkum cruising.

He's a natural.

He is a natural.

Oh wait a sec.

Hold your horses.

Man down.

Man down.

Oh, he never should've left the house.

This is what happens when you take risks.

The poor wanker is gonna drown in a fake ocean while his family films it.

They're gonna be like remember that time dad drowned in a theme park?

That was funny.

Okay, no.

They stopped the water.

Thank you.

Okay, that's good.

He's safe.

He tells everyone not to panic.

No one was.

Now he gets a burst of adrenaline.

He feels like he was part of Point Break with Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves.

He fell over again.

Oh dear.

Now he's excited.

He's like that was bloody gnarly.

Best summer ever.

Welcome to what's shaping up to be one of the most controversial videos for 2018.

Here we have a mama bear and her cub just trying to get to the top of a mountain.

Unfortunately for them a hobbyist drone operator has decided that today's a good day to audition to be a fucking BBC Planet Earth cinematographer.

Yeah nah yeah.

Look I've added in the sound of the drone so you really, you really get an idea of the atmosphere here.

Drone sounds Yeah the drone is probably one of those ones that's marketed as quiet or silent.

It's a peaceful as fuck non-intrusive atmosphere I'm sure.

I'm not being sarcastic at all.

Anyway baby bear is like Mum can you fucking hear that?

What is that sound?

Is it a bird of prey?

Is it one of those 747 Boeings that you told me about?

The planes?

Mum's like I don't know to be honest.

It's probably got something to do with humans but I couldn't tell you what the fuck it is.

Just focus on the mountain cause that's what's gonna kill you.

Whereas baby bear is like the mountain's a piece of piss.

I'm not worried about the mountain I'm worried about what's sneaking up behind me and now the fucking drone operator is going for a career making shot.

Mama gets freaked out.

She takes a swipe and baby bear slides all the way down, down, down, down.

Sorry mum I fucked up.

I didn't mean to slide all the way down there but I'm just, I'm really distracted.

Why do the humans wanna hover above me?

Are they watching me?

Are they spying on me?

I mean what's so good about my life?

All I do is eat shit, sleep, play, piss, eat shit, sleep, play, piss, repeat cycle.

What's in it for them?

I don't fucking get it.

Yeah, I know honey.

I don't know why either.

They just, you know, they don't have much going on in their own lives and seeing you climb up a steep mountain probably means something to them.

You might end up on a poster that says perseverance or persistence or determination or something to do with hard work making money in the end.

That's probably what they wanna use you for.

What the, what, what, what, what the fuck?

What the fuck?

Am I gonna get any of this money stuff that you speak of for inspiring the humans, for encouraging them, for motivating them to get off their fat lazy asses and to achieve their dreams?

Am I?

Am I gonna get any of that money?

Probably not, honey.

The humans, they're not big sharers.

Just don't worry about it.

We don't need it, okay?

Come here.

Let's go.

Let's go into the bush.

We'll go find some fish.

We'll go have a feed, okay?

Alright.

Here we have a frog that appears to be fucked.

Yeah nah, it is fucked.

It has its head stuck in a snake's mouth.

I believe it got its head stuck there because it was tricked.

The snake was like excuse me, Mr. Frog.

Ehhh, I'm sick.

Please come here.

And Mr. Frog, being an upstanding member of society was like oh what's wrong?

How can I help?

The snake said can you please perform a gastroscopy on me?

I have heartburn.

I need you to just take a quick look into my gullet and let me know if there's anything abnormal going on down there.

The frog said no fucking worries and then BAM!

The snake locked onto its dumb face.

So, that's where we're at.

That's how we got here.

Now the snake is taking the frog back to its slimy lair.

It's gonna devour it.

It's gonna digest it.

And it will probably shit it out in a few days.

Unfortunately, that's the world we live in.

There's nothing we can really do about that.

Oh no!

I was wrong.

I was being a dodgy cynical fuckknuckle.

The frog has managed to get away.

It is gone.

It has piss bolted.

It's out of there.

I can't see it.

It's totally gone.

Oh no, there it is.

It's sitting right there on its fat fucking ass.

Move!

Go!

Get a wriggle on!

Escape!

Ah fuck yes!

Welcome to fight day.

The time has come ladies and gents.

We have discovered America's most badass cop.

Remember Dirty Harry?

Fuck him.

Shaft?

Fuck him.

Robocop?

Fuck that guy.

This here, this bloke is America's new number one.

I suppose these street toughs were like Oi pig!

You reckon you're so good cause you got a gun?

And he was like Oi!

What did you say mate?

And then he got his gloves out of the car or some shit.

I dunno.

I dunno how it went down.

Anyway, here we go.

Round one.

Ding ding ding.

Let's commence.

Oh!

He wastes fuck all time.

That was some efficient cop boxing.

There's a jabby jab and he stays low.

Another jabby jab.

The civilian already has a bit of shit in his pants I reckon.

That guy yells world star as he gets the best camera angle.

And they just toy with each other here.

Nice and easy.

Nothin' too fancy.

They...

Oh!

Woah!

Oh!

I'm honestly just making turkey noises because I am so impressed.