Think back now.

現在回想一下。

Now that the internet is so much a part of our lives, think back.

現在，互聯網已成為我們生活的一部分，請回想一下。

Think back to our first password.

回想一下我們的第一個密碼。

Because our minds, our brains are so filled with passwords.

因為我們的大腦中充滿了密碼。

It's such a struggle for us to remember all the passwords.

對我們來說，要記住所有的密碼實在是太費勁了。

We go to businesses online and you go, I can't remember, I can't remember my password.

我們在網上做生意，你會說，我不記得了，我不記得密碼了。

And you put it, sometimes they lock you out.

你把它放進去，有時他們會把你鎖在外面。

And they go, no, you've got one more try to remember your own password, you fucking idiot.

然後他們會說，不，你還得再試一次才能記住自己的密碼，你個白痴。

Or you click, I forgot it.

或者你點擊一下，我忘了。

And they ask you questions about your life and you don't even remember the answers.

他們問你一些關於你生活的問題，而你甚至不記得答案。

They're about your own life.

它們是關於你自己的生活。

What is your favourite pet?

您最喜歡的寵物是什麼？

Oh, no, I can't believe I chose one.

哦，不，我居然選了一個。

The dog walks in.

狗走了進來。

If it wasn't me, I'm leaving.

如果不是我，我就走了。

I'm literally walking out the door.

我真的走出了家門。

All the passwords.

所有密碼

And at the beginning, we all had one password.

一開始，我們都只有一個密碼。

It was our first password we can nostalgically remember.

這是我們可以懷念的第一個密碼。

And we used it for everything.

我們什麼都用它。

Every time we joined another business, can I have your password?

每次我們加入其他企業時，能把你的密碼告訴我嗎？

Yes, you can.

是的，你可以。

That is my special word.

這是我的專用詞。

And then companies started getting quite rude.

然後，公司開始變得相當粗魯。

You would put your password in and it would go, weak.

你輸入密碼後，它就會顯示 "弱"。

Who are you to judge my special word?

你憑什麼評判我的特殊詞語？

And they're like, I'm sorry, but the internet has become very popular.

他們會說，很抱歉，但互聯網已經非常普及了。

We need to strengthen your password.

我們需要加強您的密碼。

And businesses would insist, we must have from you a capital letter.

企業堅持認為，我們必須從您那裡得到一個大寫字母。

I'm sorry, we will not be accepting passwords anymore unless it contains at least one capital letter.

很抱歉，我們將不再接受至少包含一個大寫字母的密碼。

And we all momentarily considered our options before deciding to capitalise the first letter of our password.

在決定將密碼的第一個字母大寫之前，我們都考慮了很久。

For a period of time, that was fine, but the internet became even more popular.

在一段時間內，這種情況還算正常，但互聯網變得更加流行。

And then businesses started saying, I'm afraid you cannot join unless you have at least one capital letter and at least one number.

然後商家開始說，恐怕你們不能加入，除非你們至少有一個大寫字母和一個數字。

Again, less than half a microsecond's consideration before we collectively decided, you shall be getting the number one.

同樣，在我們集體決定之前，我們只考慮了不到半微秒的時間。

And that would be the end of our capitalised password.

這樣，我們的資本化密碼就結束了。

And for a period of time, this was acceptable until a whole new, unexpected and exciting dawn emerged.

在一段時間內，這種情況是可以接受的，直到出現了一個全新的、意想不到的、令人興奮的曙光。

A world of special characters.

一個特殊字符的世界

We didn't even know what they were.

我們甚至不知道它們是什麼。

And businesses would say, we need a capital letter.

企業會說，我們需要一個大寫字母。

We need a number, but we will also require a special character.

我們需要一個數字，但也需要一個特殊字符。

And we clicked on the button, please can I have some examples of these special characters which you now insist upon?

我們點擊了按鈕，請給我一些你現在堅持使用的特殊字符的例子好嗎？

And we perused them.

我們仔細閱讀了它們。

There they are.

他們來了

I had no idea these characters were so special until all of our eyes stopped upon the exclamation mark.

直到我們的目光都停在了感嘆號上，我才意識到這些角色如此特別。

You're coming with me.

你跟我來

Which we then put at the end of our now capitalised password, just after the one.

然後，我們把它放在現在大寫的密碼末尾，就在 "1 "之後。

And it's at this moment that everybody at the London Palladium is thinking, I should probably change my password.

此時此刻，倫敦歌劇院的每個人都在想，我也許該換個密碼了。

I probably won't do that tomorrow, I'll do that now.

我明天可能不會這麼做，我現在就這麼做。

I need to think of another special word.

我需要再想一個特別的詞。

I've got to get that changed.

我得把它換掉。

We've all got into a bar that's too hot.

我們都進過太熱的酒吧。

And it's normally our own fault.

而這通常是我們自己的錯。

We don't have time to wait.

我們沒時間等了。

When we run the hot tab, when we run the cold, we don't have time to wait for the full proper temperature to reveal itself.

當我們運行熱標籤時，當我們運行冷標籤時，我們沒有時間等待完全適當的溫度出現。

You just have a...

您只需...

That should be fine.

應該沒問題。

You go away into your busy life and you come back and you normally know as soon as your foot goes in.

你在忙碌的生活中離開，然後回來，通常你的腳一邁進去，你就知道了。

As soon as it goes in, you normally go, ooh, I've run that a bit too hot.

它一進去，你通常就會想，哦，我把它放得太熱了。

But often you don't realise it until you're in already.

但往往是在你已經身陷其中時才意識到這一點。

You get in and you start lowering yourself because it takes a while for the information that your feet are burning to reach your brain, where the information has to go to tell you about it.

你上車後就開始降低自己的身高，因為你的雙腳燃燒的資訊需要一段時間才能傳到大腦，而大腦必須通過資訊才能告訴你。

Because it's really quite a long way for the information to travel.

因為資訊傳遞的距離確實很遠。

So you start lowering yourself and you're thinking, something doesn't feel altogether right here.

於是，你開始放低身段，你在想，這裡感覺有些不對勁。

Then it just hits you.

然後你就會明白。

Ah!

啊！

And in a split-second decision, do I stay or do I go?

在一瞬間的決定中，我是走還是留？

And a lot of times you just go, I can't!

很多時候，你會說，我做不到！

Oh, my God, I can't!

天啊，我做不到

And you end up standing naked in your bathroom.

結果你就赤身裸體地站在浴室裡。

You look down, you've got this sort of red, skinny socks of pain.

低頭一看，你的襪子又紅又瘦，疼痛難忍。

Ow!

噢

Look what I did to myself.

看看我對自己做了什麼

Then you have to empty the hot out, put cold in, which involves sacrificing your arm to plunge to the pluck.

然後，你必須把熱的倒掉，把冷的放進去，這就需要犧牲你的手臂去拔。

Pluck, plunging.

拔，插入。

Very dangerous.

非常危險

You look at your arm as if to say, this will hurt, I do apologise.

你看著自己的手臂，好像在說：這會很疼，我真的很抱歉。

Brace yourself.

打起精神來

Ah!

啊！

Sometimes you can't get a purchase.

有時你買不到東西。

You're like, I could lose my arm!

你會想，我可能會失去我的手臂！

But the braver amongst us, there's many here tonight and I count myself amongst you, will hover paddle.

但我們中的勇敢者，今晚在座的很多人，我也算你們中的一員，會在槳上盤旋。

This is where you get into the bath, even though it hurts, and you hover over the surface.

這時，即使很疼，你也要鑽進浴缸，在水面上盤旋。

You get the cold on and you start paddling like a maniac.

你穿上防寒服，開始瘋狂地划水。

We can change this.

我們可以改變這一切。

It's getting better all the time now.

現在情況越來越好了。

Be brave, be brave.

勇敢點，勇敢點

And you inherently know it's time to change direction now, come on!

你天生就知道是時候改變方向了，來吧！

It's getting better, it's getting better, come on.

越來越好了，越來越好了，加油。

And then you have to test it.

然後你必須進行測試。

How is the water going?

水怎麼樣了？

Is it ready to fully submerge?

是否可以完全浸入水中？

And you do this with your bottom.

你的屁股也要這樣做。

You select your bottom and the task of your bottom is simply to dip in to see, is it ready?

你選擇你的底部，你的底部的任務只是浸入水中看看，它準備好了嗎？

How's it going?

進展如何？

How's it going?

進展如何？

This is where I forget, unfortunately, that I have balls.

不幸的是，這就是我忘記自己有膽量的地方。

It's not so much that I forget, it's more the angle of dangle.

與其說是我忘記了，不如說是懸垂的角度問題。

Means that my balls are now the closest thing to the surface of the water, not my bottom after all.

這意味著我的蛋蛋現在是離水面最近的東西，而不是我的屁股。

And it comes as a nasty surprise.

這讓人大吃一驚。

Ah!

啊！

It's the most sensitive part of the human body.

它是人體最敏感的部位。

It's the last part of the human body, let's be honest, that you would volunteer to test boiling water with.

老實說，這是人體最不願意主動用它來試開水的部位。

No-one's ever handed me a cup of tea and said, Michael, this might be a little bit on the hot side.

從來沒有人遞給我一杯茶說，邁克爾，這茶可能有點燙。

Well, we shall soon find out, my friend.

我們很快就會知道了，我的朋友。

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Well, here you are, a little bit more milk, just a splash.

歡呼聲和掌聲 好了，給你，再加一點牛奶，就一勺。

Just tested it with my hover paddle-hardened bollocks there, my friend.

我剛剛用我的懸浮槳測試了一下，我的朋友。