I'm sorry.

I don't want you to not be in my life anymore.

I'd like us to be friends.

I'd like that too.

Good.

So when are you getting married?

We haven't set a date.

We're going to talk about it when Bo gets back from New York on Monday.

So you're all alone for Thanksgiving?

Yeah, why?

Change of plans.

The thing is, I really care for Lisa and she needs to believe I'm capable of changing.

Ah, but the thing is, you're not.

I don't know that.

I might be.

Who knows what would happen if I actually tried.

You're really serious about this?

Alan, I've got a 200-pound turkey melting in my lap.

What do you think?

Okay, okay.

How can I help?

Well, obviously we can't have a family Thanksgiving without a kid.

So you need to get Jake back from your wife.

Simple as that, huh?

Okay, so I go to Judith and I say, forget the fact that we agreed on a custody schedule.

Forget the fact that your parents are driving all the way from Sacramento to spend time with their grandson.

Charlie needs to use our son as a prop so that he can maintain an on-again, off-again relationship with a woman with whom he might eventually wind up.

You know what?

I'll talk to her.

No way in hell.

Are you insane?

What's wrong with you?

Judith, what is Thanksgiving about if not family?

And wouldn't it be good for Jake to spend Thanksgiving with his whole family?

Because that's what Thanksgiving is about.

Family and stuff.

I don't know.

And you wouldn't have to lift a finger.

I'll have someone there to do the cooking, the serving, and the cleaning.

Really?

Who?

My housekeeper, Berta.

She's a saint and she's really looking forward to this.

No way in hell.

Are you insane?

What's wrong with you?

Come on.

I don't work my life, you know.

Pretty please?

My brother is in the witness protection program and I've been invited to spend Thanksgiving with him at an undisclosed location.

I'll give you $1,000.

Done.

Hi.

You must be Jake.

Yes, I am.

My wonderful Uncle Charlie has opened his home to me and my father because we had nowhere else to go.

Hey, Merry Thanksgiving.

Jake, why don't you go?

Okay.

I'm thankful for my mom and dad and my Uncle Charlie who has shown in the few short months that I've been here, he is capable of significant change and growth.

Too obvious?

A little bit.

Okay.

Well, I'm thankful that I can spend the holiday with all the people I love and all the people who love me.

And Judith.

I'm thankful I'll be dead someday and you'll all feel horrible you weren't nicer to me.

Well, I'm thankful for you.

And I hope you'll always be my friend.

Okay.

Well, I'm thankful for you too.

And I'm thankful for everybody coming together today as unwitting participants in my desperate charade.

Amen.

Hey, everybody, stop.

Mom, give me the knife.

Charlie, don't be silly.

You don't know how to carve a turkey.

Maybe not, but I'm the head of this household and the head of the household is supposed to carve the turkey.

Why?

Because you saw it on some TV show?

I swear you are just like your father.

No, I am not just like my father.

My father was afraid of you and I'm not anymore.

Okay, there was one unresolved issue.

Charlie, now you're being foolish.

Give me the knife and sit down.

Back off, lady.

Every Thanksgiving, you took the knife away from dad.

And when you did that, you took away his manhood.

Well, you're not going to take it away from me.

There.

See?

It's carved.

It's carved.

It's carved with my manhood.

I don't think I'm very hungry anymore.

Lisa, marry me.

Marry you?

You want me to marry you?

Yes.

You know, eventually.

For what it's worth, I do love you.

I know that.

Best of luck.

Thank you.

You look good in long pants.

Thanks.

Charlie?

We're still eating.