You guys are all standing. No pressure.

No pressure.

We're having fun, you guys. We are here coming to you from South Florida.

Heck yeah, man.

Really close. I gotta ask you a question since we're here. I just wanna know how many Latinos in the crowd tonight?

Now, notice I asked Latinos. I wasn't very specific.

Because if you call a Latino the wrong one, there's an issue.

You call a Mexican a Salvadorian, we get mad.

You call a Puerto Rican a Dominican, they get mad. You call a Cuban anything but a Cuban, you're gonna get stabbed.

So for everyone here and everyone at home, I have found a way to figure out who's who.

It's very easy.

All you have to do is listen to the way the person is speaking Spanish.

You don't have to understand a single word.

Just listen to the flow. That'll let you know.

For example, Mexicans, when we speak Spanish, we sound high.

Seriously, you ask us a question, we drag it out.

Hey bro, how's it going?

Cubans, I found out Cubans, you guys speak Spanish, like everything means something. It's very serious.

You ask a Cuban a question, bro, where you going?

Just asking, dude.

Why is he yelling? I don't know.

And I found out Puerto Ricans, you guys speak Spanish like there's a time limit.

You ask a question, hey bro, what's up?

Fast.

Even Mexicans were like, hey, write that down.

Quick.

Another way is the beverage.

The beverage will let you know who you're dealing with.

For example, a Mexican's preferred drink of choice is tequila.

A Puerto Rican's preferred drink of choice is either

Don Cu or Coquito.

And a Cuban's preferred drink of choice is coffee.

Now let me tell you how I know about this one.

So a few years ago, Martina and I were doing a show at the Improv in Miami and after the show was over,

I was talking to Martina, I said, hey bro, we gotta try out some of this Cuban food everybody's been talking about, it's our first time here.

And so we go outside to catch a cab and when we got in the car,

I figured something out, and that is

Cubans come in every color of the rainbow.

Cubans and Puerto Ricans, you go from really, really white all the way to freaking navy black, just hardcore.

Wesley Snipes, just dark, escudo, hardcore, you know what I mean?

I didn't know that there was such a thing as a black Cuban, because we get in the car and we're speaking Spanish and this guy turns around and he's black and he's like, ¿Dónde quiere ir? Where you wanna go?

I'm like, oh my God!

It freaked me out, I thought the partition was tinted.

I didn't know.

I didn't know.

So he's yelling at us, ¿Dónde quiere ir?

I'm like, dude, why is he yelling?

I said, listen, we want to go somewhere to get some authentic Cuban food, where can we go?

And then he takes us to this place called

Calle Ocho, which for everyone at home, Calle Ocho is

Spanish for 8th Street, and it's an area where, you know, it's very authentic.

And he takes us to this restaurant called

La Carreta.

So, you can't miss it.

There's a restaurant on the corner with a giant wagon wheel in front of it and a huge rooster.

I don't know what the rooster does, but look out for him.

We walk inside and I think, what was it, Martín, like 2, 3 o'clock in the morning when we want in? Easy 3 in the morning.

Easy 3 o'clock in the morning. We sit down at this table and we're looking at the menu and we're trying to figure it out and there's all kinds of bananas and all kinds of weird stuff that

I'm like, I didn't know that, okay, bananas, fine, okay, let's do this.

And here comes the waiter and the waiter's coming over and he gets to my face and he's like, ¿Qué tú quieres?

And I'm like, I forgot.

Why's he yelling?

I don't know.

I said, listen, bro, I'll tell you what, let me look at this menu a little bit longer.

I think we need some time, right, Martín? Yeah, we were like, yeah, we need some more time.

And I says, for right now, can I just get a coffee?

And he's like, okay, un cafecito.

And he walks into the kitchen.

He comes back five minutes later, seriously, with a little coaster and a shot glass of coffee on the coaster and he puts it down in front of me and he's like, ¿Okay?

And I'm like, what is this? ¡Es un cafecito!

I go, dude, look at me,

I'm not a ito, I'm a ande.

And then I started thinking, maybe he knows who I am.

I get the joke, bring the really big guy the really little cup, you know what I mean?

And I said, bro, what is it? ¿Un cafecito?

I go, no, no, no, no, no, bring me a full-sized cup of coffee.

Take this back in the... I was frustrated.

So the guy's like, okay, and what do you want? ¡Okay!

So he grabs it all pissed off and then he goes in the kitchen and he starts talking trash to one of the cooks.

And then he comes back with a bowl of

Cuban coffee, okay?

And he puts it down in front of me and he won't leave the table. He's like, ¡Okay!

And I'm like, okay, ¡okay!

Okay, ¡okay!

Oh, I get it.

He wants me to make sure this is what I want, right?

So I pick up the bowl and I take a little sip of it and when the coffee hit my tongue, I was like, ¡Oh, my God!

This is the most concentrated coffee I've ever had.

It was really, really strong and then it clicked.

That's why they bring you a little shot glass of this stuff. So now I don't want to look stupid making him take a bowl of coffee back in the kitchen, so I picked it up to my face again and I drank the whole thing.

Well done. I knew I messed up, bro. I knew I messed up because a waiter looked at me and he's like, ¡Vaya con Dios!

He goes back in the kitchen and he's like, ¡Manolo!

¡Con 911!

Ten minutes go by, you guys.

I am so wired. That coffee is strong. That is the only way in the world

Cubans can make that swim.

You