Whoa, hot blonde picking up a bag of cash outside of a Denny's?

哇，金髮辣妹在丹尼餐廳外撿了一袋現金？

That smells like shit.

聞起來像大便。

And it's not the Denny's.

而且不是丹尼餐廳。

No, it's justice.

不，這是正義。

This is the cops.

這是警察。

What?

什麼？

These fucking cocks being bloomy, brother.

這些雞巴真他媽臃腫，兄弟

Two, don't fucking move.

二，別動

Let's look at this big, shitty van.

讓我們看看這輛又大又爛的麵包車。

Let's do it.

開始吧

Get over there.

到那邊去

Oh, bloomy!

哦，臃腫！

Check it out.

看看吧

We got Jewel God and Dumbass Fred in the scene of a drug deal.

我們在毒品交易現場看到了珠寶上帝和蠢貨弗雷德。

What's going on here, huh?

這是怎麼回事？

Pull your shirt up.

把衣服拉起來

You have a dad.

你有爸爸了

What are you looking at, Dumbass Fred?

你在看什麼，笨蛋弗雷德？

Shut your ugly eyes up.

閉上你那醜陋的眼睛

What are you guys doing here, huh?

你們在這裡幹什麼？

You get a little pancakes?

有煎餅嗎？

A little fucking crack?

來點他媽的快克？

You guys hanging out in your little van?

你們在你的小貨車裡閒逛？

What's going on here, huh?

這是怎麼回事？

What's going on here?

這是怎麼回事？

What's going on here?

這是怎麼回事？

Why do you guys look scared like you're a fucking bunch of virgins?

為什麼你們看起來害怕得就像一群該死的處女？

Now you two fake dicks, chill there with your dumb fucking sundress.

現在，你們兩個假雞巴， 穿著你那該死的日光浴浴衣在那發呆吧。

You two, back up.

你們兩個退後

Limited to assholes.

僅限於混蛋。

Take a seat.

請坐

Hey, Coxby, go ahead and run these names.

嘿，考克斯比，繼續查這些名字。

We've got a Brittany Howard and a Chrissy Anders.

我們有布列塔尼-霍華德和克里希-安德斯。

It's funny you guys even have names, considering you're just crack whore one and two.

你們連名字都有，真可笑，因為你們只是裂縫妓女一號和二號。

I don't smoke crack, motherfucker.

我不抽可卡因，狗孃養的。

I sell it.

我賣了它。

The butt crack one, or?

還是屁股裂縫？

Did you say your name was Officer Blow Me?

你說你叫 "吹我 "警官？

Are you sure it's not Officer Peg Me?

你確定不是佩格-梅警官嗎？

This is good.

這很好。

This is good.

這很好。

How is this good?

這有什麼好處？

You know, maybe the fact that 30 seconds ago we had a fucking gun to our head, and now we're going to walk away from this alive?

你知道，也許30秒前我們被槍指著腦袋，現在我們卻能活著離開？

Do you get your hair cut at Supercuts?

你在 Supercuts 剪頭髮嗎？

Because it looks like fucking shit.

因為它看起來就像一坨屎。

Your weave is beautiful.

你的編織很漂亮。

Get your asses over there.

給我滾過去

Jesus Christ.

耶穌基督

We'll get your Grand Slam hat to you, little bitch.

我們會把你的大滿貫帽子給你的，小賤人。

Yeah, look who sold it out.

是啊，看看誰把它賣出去了。

Recognize that guy, huh?

認得那個人嗎？

Oh, guys, I am so sorry.

哦，夥計們，我很抱歉。

Officer Coxbig and I, we decided to do a little detective work.

考克斯比格警官和我，決定做一個小小的偵查工作。

Yeah, a little Sherlock Holmes stuff.

是啊，有點福爾摩斯的味道。

We decided to follow you guys to the hot blondes' house.

我們決定跟著你們去金髮辣妹家。

Inspector Gadget.

小玩意兒探長

When I walked in, you two looked spooked.

我進來的時候，你們倆看起來很驚慌。

You looked like you actually had to fuck some girls, which seemed kind of off.

你看起來好像真的要和一些女孩上床，這似乎有點不對勁。

So, after consulting my partner, we decided to run the address of that blondes' house.

於是，在徵求了我搭檔的意見後，我們決定查查那個金髮女郎家的地址。

And something smelled fishy, like your grandma's cum.

有股腥臭味，像是你奶奶的精液。

Six months ago, that house was flagged on suspicion of drug dealing.

六個月前，那棟房子因涉嫌販毒而被標記。

Boom, there it is.

嘣，就在那兒。

So, we did a good old-fashioned stakeout, huh?

所以，我們做了一個很好的老式盯梢，是吧？

Trying to see some suspicious shit outside that whore's apartment?

想在那個妓女的公寓外面看到什麼可疑的東西嗎？

Yeah, we're on our Jimmy Neutron shit.

是啊，我們在玩 "吉米中子 "呢

11 a.m. today.

今天上午11點

We're hanging out, and we see a good old schnoz boy rolling through, looking like a sketchball.

我們在閒逛時，看到一個老實巴交的男孩滾了過來，看起來就像一個素描球。

Oh, that big-beaked sunburnt bitch.

哦，那個大嘴巴被太陽晒傷的婊子。

So, we decided to pick him up, and he sold you two out quicker than that piece-of-shit Popeye sandwich when they talked about it on Twitter.

所以我們決定把他接過來 他賣給你們兩個的速度 比他們在推特上說的那個垃圾大力水手三明治還要快

Oh, oh, oh.

哦，哦，哦

Just to make you two feel better, those two little skanks are actually in jail right now.

為了讓你們倆好受點，那兩個小蕩婦現在真的在監獄裡。

God damn it, this is still so hot.

該死的，還是這麼熱。

Every time I take a sip.

每次我喝一口

I like you two, and I want to work with you. Coxbig as well.

我喜歡你們兩個，我想和你們一起工作。考克斯比格也是。

We'll work with you.

我們將與您合作。

Tell him.

告訴他

Tell him what we're going to do.

告訴他我們要做什麼

We've got a proposition for you two.

我們給你們倆提個建議

Oh, Julep's going down, we're getting a promotion.

哦，Julep要倒閉了，我們要升職了。

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

哈，哈，哈，哈，哈。

So now, we get to try this again.

現在，我們可以再試一次了。

Woo!

Woo！

It's a huge misunderstanding, okay?

這是個天大的誤會，好嗎？

We had nothing to do with that.

這與我們無關。

What do you guys want from us?

你們想要我們做什麼？

You know exactly what we want.

你很清楚我們想要什麼。

Let's try this again.

讓我們再試一次。

The hearing's Tuesday.

聽證會在週二舉行。

You're going to go and advocate for this bank.

你要去為這家銀行做宣傳。

They're going to hit all the major points we outlined.

他們將觸及我們概述的所有要點。

How they're addictive.

它們是如何讓人上癮的

They have more nicotine than cigarettes.

它們比香菸含有更多的尼古丁。

How they market to children.

他們如何向兒童推銷。

Go up there, say everything that needs to be said, and you get out of this with zero damage.

上臺去，把該說的都說了，你就能毫髮無損地脫身。

Or, we can say we saw you at the scene of the drug deal, and you'll go to prison for a long time.

或者，我們可以說，我們在毒品交易現場看到你了，你會在監獄裡蹲很長時間。

And get fucked in the ass by big buff dudes with their fucking big old jail dicks.

然後被大塊頭帥哥用他們那該死的監獄大雞巴幹屁眼。

They're going to ride their hot rods up your Hershey Highway.

他們會騎著他們的 "熱車 "在你的 "好時公路 "上飛馳。

Yeah, you're going to have a little wedding in the yard.

是的，你要在院子裡舉行一個小型婚禮。

Oh, you're going to be the flower girl and the fucking bitch.

哦，你將是花童和該死的婊子。

They're going to fuck up your fart factory.

他們會毀了你的放屁工廠。

Smells like mango up there.

聞起來像芒果。

Guess what?

你猜怎麼著？

His name's Latrelle Mango.

他叫拉特雷爾-芒果

He's about to fucking blow some smoke up that ass.

他就快把煙吹到屁股上了。

You too, bitch ass friend.

你也是，婊子朋友

Do you want them to fuck you in the ass?

你想讓他們爆你菊花嗎？

Obey what we say.

服從我們的命令

I'm just fucking sick of this shit, man.

我真他媽煩死了，夥計。

Dumbass virgin.

笨蛋處女

Guys, guys, guys.

夥計們，夥計們，夥計們

I swear I can explain.

我發誓我可以解釋。

Dude, I'm the one who gave you Madeline's contact.

老兄，是我把麥德琳的聯繫方式給你的

You would have never had access to that super hot fire if it wasn't for me, and this is how you repay us?

如果不是我，你永遠也不會有機會接觸到超級熱火，這就是你對我們的回報？

They caught me red-handed outside of Madeline's, all right?

他們在瑪德琳家外面當場抓住了我，好嗎？

I can't go back to jail.

我不能回監獄

I would get pounded like a damn gavel.

我會像個該死的槌子一樣被打得落花流水。

You're a fucking sellout, dude.

你他媽就是個賣國賊，老兄。

What did you tell them?

你跟他們說了什麼？

I just said we were friends.

我只是說我們是朋友。

And we maybe get our fucking nose booger sugar from Madeline, the corporate chock pounder.

而我們的鼻屎糖，也許就是從瑪德琳那裡弄來的。

Why would you tell them that?

你為什麼要告訴他們這些？

What are you saying?

你在說什麼？

You're not enunciating.

你的發音不清楚。

You're just saying something.

你只是說說而已。

Speak up.

說出來。

I threatened to deport Maria.

我威脅要驅逐瑪麗亞。

I fed her headaches.

我喂得她頭疼。

Policia.

警察

They're right there.

他們就在那裡。

I thought you said she had a green card.

你不是說她有綠卡嗎？

I thought that, but it was actually a weed card.

我也是這麼想的，但它其實是一張大麻卡。

How do you fuck that up?

你是怎麼搞砸的？

Medical marijuana.

醫用大麻。

Okay, but what about Denny's?

好吧，那丹尼餐廳呢？

How did you know that Madeline's drug dealers would be at Denny's?

你怎麼知道麥德琳的毒販會在丹尼餐廳？

We all know.

我們都知道

Madeline, she does her pick-ups at Denny's.

瑪德琳，她在丹尼餐廳取餐。

It's got the best LED lights, so you can see if it's that real shit or not.

它有最好的 LED 燈，所以你可以看到它是不是真的。

Okay, all right.

好吧

The good news is we're all going to be fine, okay?

好消息是我們都會沒事的，好嗎？

Stevie just has to go up there in court and testify against the jewel, and everything's going to be good.

斯蒂文只要出庭指證珠寶，一切就都好辦了。

What are you guys testifying for?

你們為什麼要作證？

I can't do this shit.

我做不到

Wait, what are you guys testifying?

等等，你們要證明什麼？

Later, dude.

回頭見

Yo, Stevie!

喲，史蒂夫

Testing?

測試？

Okay.

好的

Let me know if you guys want to come to the new crib.

如果你們想來新嬰兒床，請告訴我。

It's actually much bigger than a crib.

它實際上比嬰兒床大得多。

I got tamales!

我買了玉米麵

Not MDMA, tamales.

不是搖頭丸，是玉米片。

From the Quinceañera.

來自 Quinceañera。

I wonder if this cop's got any coffee.

不知道這個警察有沒有咖啡。

Are you pigs got any coffee?

你們這些豬有咖啡嗎？

Tamales!

塔瑪勒

Well, at least we got the hot blonde bimbo cartel off our backs.

好吧，至少我們擺脫了金髮辣妹集團的糾纏。

Fuck that and fuck them.

去他媽的，去他媽的

It's honestly a good deal they're giving us, man.

老實說，他們給了我們一筆不錯的交易，夥計。

Just go up there and tell them what they want to hear.

只要上去，告訴他們想聽什麼就可以了。

I mean, yeah, they're both dickheads who definitely didn't lose their virginities until after college, but they're right, dude. Jewels suck.

我是說，是啊，他們都是大學畢業後才破處的混蛋，但他們是對的，老兄。珠寶太爛了

They've caused literally nothing but problems for us.

他們給我們帶來了很多麻煩。

It just doesn't feel right.

感覺就是不對。

Is it at all possible that maybe, just maybe, the universe is trying to tell us something here?

也許，只是也許，宇宙在試圖告訴我們一些事情，這可能嗎？

Thanks, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

謝謝你，尼爾-德格拉斯-泰森。

So the universe is trying to tell us something.

所以，宇宙想告訴我們一些事情。

I'm just supposed to go up there Tuesday and get piped by the long hard cock of the law?

我就這樣週二上去，然後被法律那根長長的硬公雞捅？

The schlong, if you will?

如果你願意的話，你的 "小弟弟"？

You getting piped is in the best interest of everybody right now, so yes.

現在，你被裝上管道符合所有人的最佳利益，所以是的。

Yeah, for sure.

是的，當然。

Go up there and get absolutely reamed.

到那裡去，絕對會被痛罵一頓。

Yeah, man.

是啊

Just plugged.

剛插上電源。

Yeah, that's easy for you to say when there's literally no pressure on you.

是啊，當你沒有任何壓力的時候，你說這話就容易了。

I'm queen. I'm under pressure.

我是女王。我有壓力

What?

什麼？

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

嘟-嘟-嘟-嘟-嘟-嘟。

Pressure.

壓力。

For sure, man.

當然

What about all my fans?

我所有的粉絲怎麼辦？

What are they going to think if I just cave in and quit jeweling like a puss?

如果我就這樣屈服，像個娘們一樣放棄珠寶首飾，他們會怎麼想？

The Jewel God is dead, dude.

寶石之神已經死了，老兄。

It's time to grow up and move on.

是時候長大，繼續前進了。

The Jewel God is my identity.

寶石神是我的身份。

You have nothing at stake.

你沒有任何利害關係。

Oh, I have nothing at stake?

哦，我沒有什麼利害關係？

You have nothing at Outback Steakhouse.

Outback Steakhouse 什麼都沒有。

Oh, I have nothing at A1 Steakhouse?

哦，我在 A1 牛排店什麼都沒有？

Okay, wow.

好吧，哇。

How about my sanity and my clean criminal record, which is now very much in jeopardy thanks to you?

多虧了你，我的理智和清白的犯罪記錄現在岌岌可危，怎麼辦？

Did you forget the fact that you didn't pay the drug dealers back and that's what got us into this mess?

你是不是忘了，你沒有還錢給毒販，所以我們才會陷入這樣的困境？

I don't want to hear shit from you in that department, El Chapo.

我不想聽你在這方面的廢話，El Chapo。

What?

什麼？

Al Capone.

阿爾-卡彭

Joe Pesci.

喬-佩西

Joe Pesci is an actor.

喬-佩西是一名演員。

Yeah, well, he plays a criminal in every film, so that's fair.

是啊，他在每部電影中都扮演罪犯，所以這很公平。

I'm getting sick and tired of having the same conversation repeatedly so you won't have to hear shit from me.

我已經厭倦了重複同樣的對話，這樣你就不用聽我廢話了。

You know what I'm sick and tired of?

你知道我厭倦了什麼嗎？

I'm sick and tired of being fucking manipulated by everyone.

我已經厭倦了被所有人操縱。

First by you because you think you're teaching me a lesson by scheduling an ass-beating for me.

首先是你，因為你以為你給我安排了一次打屁股的機會，就是在給我上一課。

And now by these dumbass loser cops with dad bods.

而現在，這些蠢貨敗類警察也有了老爸的身體。

Okay.

好的

And the more I think about it, you're just like them.

我越想越覺得你和他們一樣。

So why don't you all three hang out and have a big fat fucking manipulation party?

那你們三個為什麼不一起玩玩，開個操蛋派對呢？

Shut up, dude.

閉嘴 夥計

You're jealous that I'm out here chilling, grinding, swerving, enjoying my fucking life, and you losers are just trying to slow me down.

你們嫉妒我在外面瀟灑、瀟灑、瀟灑地享受生活，而你們這些廢物卻想拖我的後腿。

I actually can't believe that when your pride is up against literal jail time that we're even having a debate about this.

我真不敢相信，當你的自尊與牢獄之災相抗衡時，我們竟然還在討論這個問題。

I'm a master debater.

我是辯論高手。

You know, I can totally believe it, actually, because you have literally not changed an ounce.

你知道嗎，其實我完全相信，因為你真的一點都沒變。

You have learned nothing.

你什麼也沒學到。

Hey, think about this for a second, Alex.

嘿，想想這個，亞歷克斯。

Jail time wouldn't even be a thing if it wasn't for you, you non-jeweling fucking pussy.

如果不是因為你，坐牢根本不算什麼，你這個不戴珠寶的娘娘腔。

Yep, classic Jewel God.

沒錯，經典的寶石之神。

Blame everyone else for your problems and take zero responsibility.

把自己的問題歸咎於別人，不承擔任何責任。

Oh, classic Jewel God?

哦，經典的寶石之神？

How's this for classic Jewel God?

這就是經典的寶石之神嗎？

I'm out.

我不幹了

Oh, you're out?

哦，你出來了？

I'm in and out.

我進進出出。

You're out?

你出來了？

Where are you going?

你要去哪兒？

Away from you, motherfucker.

離你遠點 混蛋

I cannot stand your pussy ass.

我真受不了你這娘娘腔

You refuse to see things clearly.

你拒絕看清事情。

Yeah, you better get your ass to that fucking hearing on Tuesday.

是啊，你最好星期二去聽證會

I'll do what I want.

我想做什麼就做什麼。

Thanks.

謝謝。

You have a chance to make this all right.

你有機會挽回這一切。

I have a chance to make things right.

我有機會糾正錯誤。

You have a chance to make things right, D. Eisenhower.

D. 艾森豪威爾，你有機會糾正錯誤。

You have a chance to make it Walter Crump right.

你有機會讓沃爾特-克倫普改邪歸正

I have a chance to make things right, Howard.

我有機會糾正錯誤 霍華德

You have a chance to make it right, D. Eisenhower.

D. 艾森豪威爾，你有機會糾正錯誤。

You sack of shit.

你個混蛋

The current craze in the nation, Jewel, is facing backlash for the selling of their flavored pods.