Hey girl, I got something real important to give you.

So just sit down and listen.

Girl, you know we've been together.

Such a long, long time.

Now I'm ready to lay it on the line.

Wow, you know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide.

Open wide, gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind.

On my mind.

A gift for you special, so do up the top.

Take a look inside, it's my dick in a box.

It's in a box.

Not gonna get you a diamond ring, that's so a gift gonna mean anything.

Not gonna get you a fancy car, girl, you gotta know you're my shining star.

Not gonna get you a house in the hills, a girl like you needs something real.

Wanna get you something from the heart, it's my dick in a box.

Dick in a box, girl.

It's my dick in a box.

Dick in a box.

In a box, girl.

See, I'm wise enough to know when to give me's given.

And I got just the one.

Something to show you that you are second to none.

Yeah.

So all the fellas out there with ladies to impress, it's easy to do, just follow these steps.

One, cut a hole in a box.

Two, put your junk in that box.

Three, make her open the box and that's the way you do it.

It's my dick in a box.

Dick in a box, girl.

Christmas.

In a box.

In a box.

In a box.

In a box.

In a box, every single holiday in a box.

Over at your parents' house in a box, midday at the grocery store in a box, backstage at the Sea Breeze in a box.