Okay.

Professor Tupperman is dead, and that makes us...

Sad.

The fact that there are so many people here tonight doesn't make us cranky and claustrophobic.

It makes us...

Glad.

Giving Mrs. Davis the box set of roots was...

Bad.

Yeah, however...

No.

Fine, bad.

Unbelievable.

You have some nerve showing up here just to schmooze with the tenure committee.

You're here.

Excuse me, I'm here to pay my respects to Professor Tupperware, or whatever his name is.

So am I.

His passing makes me feel...

Bad.

Well, well, well, Sheldon, fancy meeting you here.

I guess the train store in Glendale wasn't having a cotillion after all.

And you, what's your name?

You?

You said you weren't coming here either.

I would take accident.

You don't know what I said.

I'd like to know why Penny's here.

I'm here to support my man, just like you.

What are you going to do?

Take people's drink orders and get them wrong?

Do it.

What, does she do it yet?

She plans on flirting with members of the tenure committee to further Leonard's cause.

Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do.

Don't just stand there.

Take your breaths out.

Ooh, meerkat fight.

You're all wasting your time.

Sheldon is the most qualified for the job, and no amount of gravity-defying bosoms is going to change that.

Seriously, is that tape?

Like, how are they staying up like that?

Way to hit him with both barrels.

You two should be ashamed of yourselves.

Using women to advance your cause with sexuality and whatever Amy plans on doing.

Are you implying that my girlfriend has no sexuality to exploit?

Yes.

Okay, because that was not clear.

Sheldon!

What?

That was ambiguous.

Well, now it's biguous.

What are you going to do about it?

You can talk some smack about his mother.

Yes, of course.

He wouldn't like that at all.

Last night, I was feeling in need of sexual release when I happened to come across your mother.

Okay, okay, guys, what are we doing here?

I don't know what you're doing, but I was about to insinuate that I had coitus with Raj's mother for a dollar.

No, you do what you want, but I don't want to lose my friends over tenure.

Friends are forever.

So is tenure.

No, I'm just going to go home and let my work speak for itself.

You're right.

This is beneath me.

Like your mother was last night.

How about it, Sheldon?

What do you think I should do?

Well, you'll always be an academician.

I know you want academic success, but...

I seriously question whether you'll make any more friends.

Well, I don't want any more of it.

Let's go.

Are you kidding?

I would love to babysit for you.

I could not ask you to do that.

Nonsense.

Children love me.

Something about me just makes them waaaf and waaaf.

No.

We cannot lose to that jerk.

Yeah, screw it.

I'm going in.

Hold on.

I believe screw it, I'm going in is what I said to your mother last night.

Don't worry, I didn't really say that.

I find the concept of coitus ridiculous and off-putting.

I'm sorry. I should have taken my breasts out while I had the chance.

Mrs. Davis?

Mrs. Davis?

Mrs. Davis?

I know you're in there.

I saw your car in the parking lot.

What?

I just found out that you recommended myself, Dr. Hofstadter, and Dr. Cuther-Pauly to be on the short list for tenure.

Well, despite your quirks, the three of you are very accomplished in your respective fields.

I don't know what you mean by quirks, but, um...

I do want to express my gratitude.

You didn't bring another gift, did you?

No, no.

No, I learned my lesson.

I understand that was inappropriate.

Good.

Anyway, thank you.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.