If you sleep with The Weeknd?

WHEN you sleep with The Weeknd?

No, I'm not sure.

Hold still.

You really think The Weeknd will sleep with me?

I've given you the tools.

You've gotta do the hammering.

Hold still!

Hey, I got your text.

Everything okay?

It is.

Now.

Oh, you are so tight.

Are you wearing bug spray?

Shit.

How about a little massage?

Hayley, we can't do this.

Yes, we can!

The Weeknd, you son of a bitch!

What's it gonna take for you to nail my wife?

Look, I'm sorry, but it has nothing to do with Hayley.

I have a confession.

I've never told anyone this before.

Had a lot of girls in my day, wanted more from me.

But there's only really one way to start a family.

And I know you can't believe it's true, but I'm man enough to say to you.

I'm a virgin, never got close enough.

Cell phone blowing up, but I'm waiting for the right person.

Trying to act super tough, but inside I'm a 12-year-old boy.

I see you looking in a strong way, but I won't give it up.

Supermodels, they were all fake, cause I never hummed.

And I know you, I know you want to.

But I'm man enough to say to you.

Underneath the lies and the big talk, I've been waiting for a wife.

I never watched porn, never did drugs, cause I'm terrified.

And I know you, you can't believe it's true, but I'm man enough to say to you.

I'm a virgin, never got close enough.

Cell phone blowing up, but I'm waiting for the right person.

You wanna hold hands and sign me up, but just know you're not gonna score.

I'm a virgin, never got close enough.

Pure as a dove, and I'm waiting for the right person.

Never once been touched, the power of God in my lungs.

So yeah, I'm a virgin.

Why?

Containing my seed gives me superpowers other singers don't possess.

Right now, I'm using my virgin power to win Grammys.

But if my calculations are correct, soon my nutsack will be a time machine.

I'm trying to f*** with dinosaurs.

I feel dirty!

I put a virgin at the top of my freebie list!

I'm a virgin, never got close enough.