Yeah, I already heard about it from Lithuania.

So... no.

Wasting my life in European politics would make me gassy.

Oh, I'm thinking about betting my house a wicked hipster bank.

It'd make Romania so jealous.

Uh, battle preparations?

Not much to do there, broski, since I am Poland, after all.

Yo, but check it before you wreck it.

I did something wicked boss to my lethal war machine.

Look, I'm not a dweeb.

I know I gots to front it ace style when it's game time.

Yo, sup, playa.

I got a good deal on 10,000 ponies to add to my arsenal, right?

Picture it.

They'll shoot right over our heads.

Wait!

Hold on a minute, guys.

You haven't even seen my kicks.

Pony!

I'm so glad to finding you.

I looked like everywhere.

Why you look at me like that with the new eyes?

Hey, Lizzie, starting today, I'm going to make you my little slave.

I'll eat all your funky desserts and make you wash my belly.

Are you kidding me right now?

Do you know how freaking early it is here?

Somebody I know better be dead and or leaving me a ton of cash in their rear.

What?

No.

Why would he attack?

You sure?

No!

That is totally not cool, man.

Russia's a big psycho.

This is close.

I scheduled poker game for Saturday night.

Whoa.

I almost lost my call.

So, you'll never believe who I ran into yesterday.

Yay.

Eating pelushki always puts things in perspective.

Well, Polish snacks are the best.

Huh?

Why, you really are the big wussy.

I took on Germany, all right, in case you are forgetting.

It'll be fine.

I've got some kolaches knocking at the back door.

I'll ring you later.

Peace.

I wish you could see your face right now.

It is hilarious.

Yeah?

Right.

Yeah, of course, right.

Yeah, I am all over getting ready for things.

I figured that I could put an engine onto my place and then fly it on over to help you.

Righteous!

Then I will drop my place where you are like that.

Actually, this will work.

I double-checked yesterday.

So, please, try not to wet yourself out of your feet.

You see?

He cannot forward the chain letter.

He does not have any friends.

You pussy.

You got ass-whipped by Russia again.

He beats you like the underfed child who is hidden in the closet and makes friends with rats.

No one will even know when you die.

Anyway, I do not mind helping you out.

All you have to do is whatever I say.

They filled me in.

So you're Sweden, huh?

Do you have a pair on you or what?

You can't just show up and try to take what's rightfully mine.

Estonia and Latvia are staying.

What?

How come?

Well, it's like this.

I mean, I...

They both belong to me.

And I don't like you, so...

I will never, like, ever give them to you, so sit on that.

What?

No way.

This is out of the questions.

You have to call off this marriage immediately.

Haven't you ever heard of a thing called stranger danger?

It's not get a grip on something, you idiot.

It's just get a grip.

And it doesn't matter anyway because I'm going to die.

Do you hear me?

Die.

Get a grip on that, you big meanie.

Oh, yes, I've heard of you before.

Thank you for traveling all this way.

I am known as Poland, commander of Eastern Europe and whatnot.

Yeah, both of our interests can surely be satisfied by this marriage.

I think we can agree on that, don't you?

But first...

I...

Oh, how do I put this?

You must show me your cock and balls.

I've always wanted to call you Lizzie, so I will.

That sounds good, though.

Oh, yeah.

An interesting story about my capital, right?

So it takes place in this large cave under the crack house castle.

Hey, you.

Tell me.

You don't have any interesting stories about your capital, do you?

A wicked scary dragon lived there.

He really liked eating people, especially young girls, and generally created a scene wherever he went.

So a wise prince set out to kill the dragon until he was dead.

What did I stutter?

I find that asking people for interesting stories is a good way to hear interesting stories.

It's a technique that I have mastered.

When he entered the lair, the dragon was like opening his grill face to face with him, and it was like way super, super, duper grody in the half.

The prince was thinking, Are you kidding me?

This is...

Ooh, I don't like this dragon.

Then he said, I will now kill you till you are dead, dragon.

Did you just call me you?

Bam!

I think you should call me Paul and the Powerful, or so Polsky, or Polsky Doodle.

No way, if you can just call me Paul.

The prince tricked the dragon into eating sulfur so he'd get thirsty.

Then he drank a lot and exploded everywhere.

For killing the dragon, the prince became a big hero.

And yeah, so everyone lived happily ever after and all that krebsky.

I was wondering if I could do this.

Guess what?

I can.

Check out my mad skills.

Yeah, I heard it.

I just forgot to listen a little bit.

Easy trapping Great Poland could be that easy.

I'll get out with time for ladies to spare.

You forgot about the Poland rule, which means I can do whatever I want.

I just schooled your face whole.

Seeing you pout like little girl is even better than seeing you lose.

I look cool, right?

Halloween is the rocks.

We get to extort candy.

So badass, right?

Okay, we will be doing the threatening to whoever comes to door.

I never knew the Netherlands had such tasting for the stuff.

Every day's?

But how does he keep his place from smelling like red light district?

Hey, Dutch guy!

Long time for no see, eh, buddy?

Wow, decor is less drab than expected.

Like you have pogs.

Bro, your kitchen is like mine, except it's missing all the cockroaches.

Hey, you talk too much, son of the bitch.

I can fight you alone.

Okay, chill out.

Uh-oh.

Turkey says what?

Yeah, totally on my way, my broseph.

Don't forget when my costume blows you out of water to tell everyone how huge Poland is.

No horses?

Are you kidding me?