I knew the answer to that question.

I'd had kind of a busy day going around solving everyone's problems.

I started by going to see my buddy Stavros the florist.

Stavros, I assume?

Yes.

I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood.

Well, thank you.

Yeah, I brought you some sandwiches, by the way.

How good is lamb, huh?

Nico!

Gotcha!

I'm so sorry.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Oh, no. No.

Well, that's when I realized my kids didn't understand the concept of killing with kindness because they'd never seen it.

So I decided I'd prove it to them by going on a hugicidal rampage.

Is that Ruben Rock and the Potter Specs?

Quiddiculous!

Hey, listen, buddy, I heard about Luke calling his teacher mommy.

Epic fail, by the way.

But you know, since you're one of the cool kids, maybe you could get the other ones to ease off a little?

Cool.

Air bump!

Hi, Lee.

It's Phil Dunphy from down the street.

We haven't met.

I was actually calling to leave a message for your wife just to say thanks for hiring my daughter, Haley.

Listen, we'd love to have you and the missus over for a glass of wine, or maybe you and I could go out for a boys' night.

But anyway, if you could...

Dammit!

Hey, Karen Sullivan, Alex's dad.

Well, look whose teeth got so nice and straight.

Who wants to go first?

Are you kidding me?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

One at a time!

You called Miss Cooper a man!

No, I didn't.

I got her husband, Lee, on the machine. - There is no husband!

She's Lee!

Weirdly deep-voiced, alcoholic, gaily Cooper, who you invited out for a glass of wine!

Thanks to your little charm offensive with Karen, one thing did change about her party.

I'm not invited!

Ridiculous!

Epic fail!

Now the whole school's just laughing at both of us!

Stavros! Hey!

Why not?

What?

Change of plans.

This isn't over.

Where is Luke?

I think he's the one standing next to Matthew.

No.

He's feeling a little under the weather.

I let him stay home.

Or is he just too embarrassed to leave the house?

Why would he be embarrassed?

Because Dad tried to fix all our problems and instead ruined all our lives.

Nightmare.

You girls are so dramatic.

Do I need to call you a wambulance?

Wah, wah, wah, wah!

Whatever happened with the kids, I don't want you to feel bad about it.

I don't.

I now invite the Godfather and the Godmother to join us.

Don't worry.

I'll take care of everything tomorrow.

It may not be necessary, my wife.

Phil and Claire, as Godparents, are you ready to help the parents of this child in their duties?

We are.

Do you renounce Satan?

I do renounce him.

And all his works?

I do renounce them.

And all his empty promises?

Oh my God!

I do renounce them.

Godfather, is it your wish that this child be baptized?

It is.

In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, what name have you given the child?

Fulgencio Joseph Pritchett.

May God be with you all.

Thank you, Dave.

We're never gonna call him that.

So I heard that somebody released a bunch of rats into Karen Sullivan's party the other night and Lee Cooper's camper just rolled into her lemon tree.

Luke isn't having any problem at school anymore because Ruben admitted he made the whole thing up.

Isn't that crazy how all of our kids' problems just disappeared?

Don't ever ask me about my business, Claire.

What are you talking about?

Don't ask me about my business.

I wasn't.

Good.

Don't.