Name: 專家見證：凡事感恩將影響你的親密關係！(How Does Gratitude Affect Romantic Relationships?)
Uploaded: 2015-01-14T11:29:35.000Z
Duration: 14 min 53 s
Description: 註解： 1feel grateful0:23 心存感激，和thankful是同義詞，名詞是gratitude。後面可以用介係詞 to/ for be thankful/grateful to 人 I am really grateful to you. If it weren’t for you, I would feel...

to 不定詞

Ok, I have a confession to make: I don't feel grateful every time someone does something for me.

好，有件事我要承認：不是每次有人替我做某事的時候我都心存感激

I mean, I'm actually a really grateful person, and I know not everybody is--

我是說，我其實是個懂得感恩的人，而且我知道人多人不是這樣 ——

頻率副詞

maybe many people in this room are-- but sometimes I feel a little burdened.

可能這裡很多人是懂得感恩的，但有時候我覺得有點負擔；

Sometimes I actually feel misunderstood, like "Why do they think I would want that?"

有時候我其實覺得被誤解了，我想：「為什麼他們以為我想要那個東西呢？」

Sometimes, I don't even notice the thing that the person did for me, because I'm just really used to them doing it for me.

有時候，我甚至不會注意有人替我做了某事，因為我非常習慣他們為我這樣做

Every once in a while, though, I feel grateful.

偶爾，某些時候，我還是會心存感激

For example, like the other day, when my romantic partner went for a run with me at 9:30 at night, just to keep me company.

例如有一天，當我浪漫的另一伴晚上 9 點半時跟我一起去跑步只為了陪伴我

So, aside from the personal benefits that I got from the run.

所以除了跑步這件事帶給我個人的好處

It was a really important type of moment for me, this gratitude, because it showed me that he understood me, and he cared.

這種心懷感激類型的時刻對我來說也很重要，因為這表示他了解而且在乎我

He knows how much mental health benefit I get from my runs,

And he could tell that it was the end of a long day and I was waffling.

他也了解在經過了漫長的一天後，我拿不定主意；

I was thinking about sacrificing my run to hang out with him, because I really wanted to hang out with him, too.

我在考慮犧牲跑步然後跟他出去，因為我真的很想跟他在一起

And so, he just looked at me and he said "I'm coming with you and we're leaving in three minutes."

因為這樣，他只是看著我然後說：「我跟妳一起去。3分鐘後出門。」

What an awesome dude! And I totally needed that run.

這男人也太棒了！而且我非常需要跑步

So, what my research has shown over the past several years now,  is that moments like these, between people--

我的研究顯示了，從過去好幾年到現在，人們之間的這種時刻 ——

these moments when we actually feel grateful, are important in one way,

這些我們真正感到感激的時刻，在某方面很重要

and it's because they remind us of just how great specific other people are for us in our lives.

因為它提醒了我們，在我們生活中某些特定的人對我們有多好

So, running isn't for everyone, and my guy isn't for everyone (thank goodness!),

不是每個人都喜歡跑步，也不是每個人都喜歡我的另一半 (感謝老天！)

but he's totally great for me, and so this is just one way.

但他對我來說很棒，這只是其中一部份

So, what we've discovered in our work, is that what we know about emotions,

我們也從研究中發現，我們對情感的認識

and this is the magic of emotions-- when we have an experience of gratitude, when that happens,

還有它的魔力。當我們有覺得感激的經驗，當這件事發生時

it does more than just remind us about our partner's good qualities,

but an emotional response provides fuel. In that moment, it coordinates our mind and body and behavior to solve a problem

而且產生的情感回饋能提供我們能量。在那感恩的時刻，我們的心智、身體跟行為相互配合以解決眼前的問題

or take advantage of a situation that is right in front of us,

and so what we've discovered over the past several years of studying gratitude and relationships,

我們從過去幾年針對心存感激及關係的研究發現

is that gratitude motivates us and it helps us to make gestures that bind us more closely with our romantic partner,

感激激勵我們並幫助我們有與另一伴更緊密的動作

and actually with other social partners in our lives.

同時也讓我們與生活中社交伙伴有更佳互動

So, in this moment with my partner where we had this really great experience, I felt gratitude,

所以在這一刻，我和我的伴侶一起擁有的美好經歷，我覺得很感激

I told him all about it-- how awesome it was and how much I appreciated him, and he felt valued.

我也告訴他所有的事 —— 這一切多美好、我多感謝他，他覺得他備受重視

My research suggests that that makes him feel more connected and interested in being in a relationship.

我的研究指出感恩讓他覺得自己與這段關係更加親密、更願意投入

This opportunity sets up the stage for our next interaction and so forth, as we move through time.

這個機會在時間推移下，製造了我們下一次及未來互動的契機

And so, what's really been interesting in this line of research is that when I started,

這個研究期程中最有趣的是，當我剛開始做研究時

I actually had some data on people in friendships,

我其實有些關於友誼方面的研究資料

and we've started moving into romantic relationships and people would say things like

然後當我們開始進行到戀愛關係的研究，大家會說：

"I don't understand. Why are you studying gratitude in romantic relationships and binding in romantic relationships? Aren't people in romantic relationships already bound together?"

「我不了解，為什麼妳要研究戀愛關係裡的感激和連結？在談戀愛的人不是已經連結在一起了嗎？」

Really? Well, that's a good myth and it's gorgeous, but this myth of true love that we get and it never fades,

是嗎？這是個很耐人尋味、美好又吸引人的謎題、這個關於 (我們認為) 真愛永不凋零的謎題；

but the data from relationship science shows

that over time, even for couples who stay together for decades, relationship satisfaction actually declines,

其實隨著時間，即使是在一起幾十年的伴侶，對關係的滿意程度其實會遞減

especially over the first couple of years.

And so, this is totally consistent with what we know about the principles of adaptation.

這完全與我們知道的適應原則相符

Think about getting a new car, whatever your flavor. Ok, a new car is shiny and awesome, just like a new relationship,

試著想像買了一部新車，不管你喜歡哪一台。新車閃閃發亮又很漂亮，就跟一段新的感情一樣

but over time, the car starts to lose that great new car smell,

但隨著時間過去，這台車逐漸失去好聞的新車味道

and it starts to become the thing that we use to get from point A to point B.

它也淪為我們已經習慣、把我們從 A 點載到 B 點的代步工具

Maybe over time, we start to look around at the other cars that are out on the street,

也許時間一久，我們開始注意街道上的其他車輛

and think about upgrading to a new model.

So, unfortunately for cars, they can't just renew their new car smell with one simple gesture, but humans can.

可憐的車子，他們不能用個簡單的動作，就恢復新車的味道，但人類可以

Other live interaction partners can do little things, and we're reminded of the little things about them that we loved when we first met them.

生活中與我們互動的對象可以藉由一點小事情來提醒我們，當我們初次相遇時，我們喜歡他們的部分

And so, let me show you some data that are relevant to adaptation.

讓我給你們看些與適應有關的資料

This is a study of couples in romantic relationships.

這是個針對戀愛中情侶的研究，研究週期14天

Every single day for fourteen days we had each member of the couple-- one of the questions that we had them report on was

每一天我們都要兩個人回報，其中一個問題是：

"How connected they felt with their partner that day?" And you can see here across 1700 reports,

「你今天覺得你跟你的伴侶多親近？」你們可以看到，一千七百份報告中

we have a very satisfied sample of couples. The scale goes from one to five--

我們有滿意度很高的情侶。評分從 1 到 5 ；

I hope you can see that they're well above a four on the scale. On average, across all of the days.

我希望你們看得到它們在表上，一般來說，一整天下來，比4分高蠻多的

But what we know about the ebb and flow of everyday life is that it's a little more complicated than that.

但我們知道每天生活的低潮和流向比這複雜得多

Alright, I've graphed the same data a different way,

好，我把一樣的資料用不同方式資料表格呈現

and what you can see here is that every single line is a different individual participant in the study,

可以看到每一條線代表研究中的每個獨立參與者

and the x-axis that runs across the bottom is every single day (all fourteen days) of the study.

然後 X 軸 (底部那一條 )代表研究中的每一天 (總共 14 天)

You don't have to be a scientist to be able to see that people go up and down in their feelings about their partner from one day to the next,

你不用當科學家也可以看出，人們今天跟明天對他們的伴侶的感覺有高低起伏

So, I'm sure you can identify with this in your own relationships,

我相信你也認同你的關係也是這樣，

your romantic relationships as well as your friendships. Even if they're amazing, not every day is amazing.

不管是戀愛關係或友誼。就算你的關係很完美，也不是每天都那麼完美

What we found in this study is that on days when one person in the study, one of the couple members,

我們研究中發現，如果當天伴侶中一人說：

said "Hey, I felt a little more gratitude after interacting with my partner today,"

「今天和我的另一伴互動後，我有點感恩的感覺。」

their partner reported independently feeling better about this relationship than they had the day before.

對方的另一伴也回報，他們在當天比前一天，對這段感情有更好的感覺

So, we concluded from this study that even everyday gratitude can act as a 'booster shot' for romantic relationships.

我們從這個研究可以歸納：日常的感激可以扮演戀愛中的「催化劑」

Now, what I've been studying in the past couple of years is "How does that happen?"

我過去幾年一直在研究的是：「這是怎麼發生的？」

It's kind of a fascinating research question for an emotions researcher,

對情感研究員來說，這是個很棒的問題

who typically, emotions researchers, we study one person's own experience of their own emotion.

尤其身為情感研究者，我們研究個人情緒的經驗

This one jumps the gap between people to actually influence the thoughts and feelings of the other person on a pretty regular basis;

這個越過了人們間的間隔，確實且規律地影響另一個人的想法和感覺

that's a pretty robust effect that we found.

So, thanks for the generous funding from the John Templeton Foundation and the Greater Good Science Center,

因此，感謝約翰坦伯頓基金會和幸福科學中心的慷慨贊助

I've actually been working for a couple of years now, trying to figure out how this might work,

我其實已經在這方面工作了好幾年，試著理解這是怎麼運作的

and we've been using expressions of gratitude between romantic partners to test a few different effects.

而我們已經在情侶間以表達感激的方式，來測試幾個不同的效果

Here you can see. This is about a third of my team on this research project over the past couple of years as well as my co-investigators.

這裡你可以看到，這是大概過去幾年我這個研究計畫團隊三分之一的人，還有我的共同調查員；

One of the questions that we're testing is "What makes an expression of gratitude so impactful?"

我們測試的其中一個問題是：「什麼讓感激的表達方式這麼有影響力？」

So, we're hoping that if we can start to figure out the mechanisms,

我們希望當我們開始理解這個機制

then we can actually start to bring gratitude into people's everyday lives a little bit more gracefully,

我們就可以開始給人們每天的生活帶來一點感恩，變得更美好一點

and then we're testing the extent of the effects on each member of the dyad.

So, what does the person do when they hear an expression of gratitude?

影響的範圍。當一個人聽到感激的話語會做什麼呢？

How does it make them change their own behavior (your original benefactor),

這怎麼讓他們的行為 (原本的行為模式) 改變？

what are the downstream consequences for both people, including physiological effects,

對伴侶雙方會帶來什麼影響？包括生理上的

like oxytocin and changes in blood pressure? So, as of about two hours ago, our 245th couple walked through the doors of my lab for this study--

例如催產素及血壓的改變。大約 2 小時前，我們的第 245 對情侶走過我針對這個研究實驗室的門；

that's almost 500 people who have expressed gratitude to their partner, given us saliva samples, given us urine samples,

這樣大概是500個人向他的伴侶表達感激，然後給我們口水和尿液檢體

and basically provided about a metric ton of additional data.

基本上提供了一公噸那麼多的額外資訊

we're wrapping up data collection in a couple of months, and we'll be doing analysis,

我們再一兩個月就會完成資料收集，然後就開始分析

and I'm really looking forward to being able to tell you a lot about what makes gratitude expressions so impactful,

我非常期待能夠告訴大家更多關於感激的話語為什麼這麼有影響力

and what are the possible downstream consequences.

But in the meantime, what I've told you is that I have spent many, many, many years studying,

同時，我也告訴過你們，我花了很多年

very closely studying the dynamics of everyday interactions of people who care about each other a lot.

很貼近地研究人們與自己在乎人的每天活躍地交流情形

Specifically, however (and this is relevant to the last set of talks),

特別是，而且這跟最後一部份的談話主題有關

I've been studying people who are in happy relationships, who are in good relationships.

我一直都在研究談快樂、健康戀愛的情侶

So what we've learned, we've learned a lot about how gratitude naturally works, but I'm not a therapist.

我們學到的是，我們知道很多關於感激如何自然地運作的事，但我不是個治療師

We have not studied gratitude in distressed relationships, we have not studied gratitude in relationships where one person is abused.

我們沒有做低落關係中的感激的研究、我們沒有做受虐關係中的感激的研究

To my knowledge, nobody has. Those data don't exist, so please,

我所知道的是，還沒有人做過這種研究。那些研究資料還不存在，所以

people, go out and do that research. Until we have data to speak to people who have rocky relationships,

拜託大家，走出門做那些實驗吧！直到我們有研究資料能跟艱困感情關係中的人談談之前

I would strongly suggest: don't necessarily take my 'do it yourself' advice about relationships,

我會建議：不一定要採用「靠自己」的感情建議，

that's a different set of concerns, but don't tune me out,

那是另一層顧慮，但先不要叫我住嘴，因為我接下來要告訴大家

because what I'm about to tell you about what we know from good romantic relationships probably also applies to your other good relationships as well.

我們從良好的戀愛關係中學到的事，大概也可以應用在