Name: 川普的假期撈錢術！公開核磁共振結果！總統不下班運動？「全部殺光」！ (Trump's Holiday Cash Grab | Release The MRI Results | The President Won't Exercise | "Kill Them All")
Uploaded: 2025-12-02T17:14:52.000Z
Duration: 11 min 5 s

Welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world to the Late Show.

歡迎各位來到這裡、來到那裡、來到全世界的 Late Show。

我是你們的主持人 Stephen Colbert。

First, I want to start off by wishing everybody a happy Cyber Monday.

首先，我想先祝大家有個愉快的 Cyber Monday。

Thank you for glancing up from your phone to see my face.

謝謝你們從手機旁抬頭看我的臉。

There's a sale in those rings that tell you you're not getting enough sleep.

那些告訴你睡不夠的環圈裡有特價喔。

Of course, holiday deals kicked off on Friday.

當然，節日優惠從星期五就開始了。

And when there's cash the president be grabbing.

Last week, he sent an email to supporters that said to celebrate Black Friday, President Trump decided to reduce the price of his iconic red MAGA hat orgament to just $37.

上週，他寄了一封電子郵件給支持者，說為了慶祝 Black Friday，川普總統決定將他標誌性的紅色 MAGA 帽子裝飾品價格降至 37 美元。

For a limited time only, he dramatically reduced the price of his famed hat ornament, which previously was available only on his website for $30.

僅限時，他大幅降低了他著名帽子裝飾品的價格，之前只在他的網站上販售，價格是 30 美元。

So Trump's Black Friday deal is to charge you more.

所以川普的 Black Friday 優惠就是多收你錢。

Call now, and while you're on the phone, I'll sneak into your house, steal some stuff, and

現在就打電話，當你打電話時，我會偷偷潛入你家，偷點東西，然後

Trump sent another email promising a new low price on a Trump calendar for $32, which is available on his website for $25.

川普又發了一封電子郵件，承諾推出一款新的川普月曆，價格為 32 美元，而他的網站上賣 25 美元。

But for those extra seven bucks, they throw in an MP3 of Lee Greenwood singing all the dates I'm proud to be your calendar.

但多付那七塊錢，他們還會送你一首 MP3，是 Lee Greenwood 唱的「我以身為你的月曆為榮」的所有日期。

The first is first, the second is next, and

第一個是第一，第二是下一個，然後

then comes number three and number four, five, or sometimes six.

接著是第三和第四、五、或有時候是六。

Could MAGA folks are starting to notice that Trump treats them like meat animals.

MAGA 的支持者開始注意到川普把他們當成牲畜。

According to one Trump ally, people voted for him to lower prices, to bring manufacturing back, to stand up to those taking advantage of them.

根據一位川普的盟友說，大家投票給他是為了降低物價、把製造業帶回來、對抗那些佔便宜的人。

They didn't vote for him to build a damn gilded ballroom.

他們不是投票給他蓋一個該死的鍍金舞廳。

I'll have you know that the entire purpose of that ballroom is to serve the poor and they will be delicious now.

我會讓你知道，那個舞廳的全部目的就是要服務窮人，他們現在會很美味。

Oh, oh, you elitists don't think poor people will be delicious?

喔，喔，你們這些菁英份子不覺得窮人會很好吃嗎？

Trump celebrated Thanksgiving in his traditional way with racism.

川普以他一貫的種族歧視方式慶祝了感恩節。

He posted an anti immigrant rant that was so long he had to put in a take a breather and then come back for seconds.

他發布了一篇反移民的長篇大論，長到他必須暫停一下，然後再回來繼續。

Somewhere in all of that nonsense, Trump attacked Minnesota's immigration policies and called Governor Tim Walz the R word.

在那堆胡言亂語中，川普攻擊了明尼蘇達州的移民政策，並稱州長提姆·沃爾茲是那個詞。

Walz responded with four words of his release the MRI results.

沃爾茲回應了四個字：公佈他的核磁共振檢查結果。

In response, Trump says he will release MRI results, but

作為回應，川普說他會公佈核磁共振檢查結果，但是

doesn't know what part of his body was scanned.

不知道身體哪個部位被掃描了。

Maybe the part that's Broken is the part that's supposed to know.

也許壞掉的部分就是那個知道的部分。

Trump was asked about the whole thing on Air Force One.

在空軍一號上，川普被問到整件事。

Get under Walt's, ask you to release the MRI records.

要求沃爾茲公佈核磁共振檢查結果。

So if they want to release it, it's okay with me to release it.

所以如果他們想公佈，我同意公佈。

If you want to have it released, I'll release it.

Can you tell us what they were looking at?

可以告訴我們他們在看什麼嗎？

What part of your body was the MRI looking at?

核磁共振檢查是看你身體的哪個部位？

It wasn't the brain because I took a cognitive test and I aced it.

不是腦部，因為我做了認知測驗，而且我考滿分。

They put me in the extra credit tube, spun that thing around, took off my watch and my ring, as per usual.

他們把我放進那個額外的檢查管裡，轉來轉去，照常拿掉我的手錶和戒指。

After the President said something, the White House scrambled to justify it.

總統說了話之後，白宮趕緊找理由來解釋。

This afternoon, they posted a letter from the President's doctor, who claims the MRI was given because men in his age group benefit from a thorough evaluation of cardiovascular and abdominal health.

今天下午，他們公佈了總統醫生的信，醫生聲稱做核磁共振檢查是因為這個年齡層的男性，從心血管和腹部健康的全盤評估中能獲益。

Men in his age group also benefit from retiring.

同樣這個年齡層的男性，退休也能獲益。

The old abdominal MRI isn't the only reason folks are concerned.

舊的腹部核磁共振檢查不是人們擔心的唯一原因。

Trump is also showing more signs of aging.

川普也顯露出更多老化的跡象。

Last week, the New York Times noted that compared to his first term, Trump has fewer public events on his schedule, and

上週，《紐約時報》指出，相較於他的第一個任期，川普的公開活動行程變少了，而且

most of his public appearances fall between noon and 5pm Working noon to 5.

他大多數的公開露面都在中午到下午五點之間。

Getting bitchy at Thanksgiving, but I can barely keep the rhythm.

到了感恩節，我變得有點煩躁，但我還是勉強跟得上節奏。

That's two song parodies in one monologue.

這段獨白裡就有兩個歌曲模仿秀了。

the real reason Trump might seem so lethargic is that he does not get regular exercise, in part because he has a long held theory that people are born with a finite amount of energy and that vigorous activity can deplete that reserve.

川普之所以看起來這麼沒精神，真正的原因是他沒有規律運動，部分原因是他長久以來有個理論，認為人出生時的能量是有限的，劇烈運動會耗盡這份能量。

Nobody knows the right way to get rid of me.

at a certain age, I started to leak a lot of weird fluids now.

在某個年紀，我開始流出很多奇怪的液體。

Elsewhere in the administration, it was a tough weekend for Defense Secretary and your brother in law at the christening saying, oh, what, it's my fault the priest can't take a punch?

在政府的其他地方，國防部長和你的姐夫在洗禮時度過了艱難的週末，說，喔，神父挨不了打是我的錯嗎？

On Thursday, the Washington Post published a blockbuster story on the administration's first bombing of an alleged drug smuggling boat back in September, According to the Post sources, Secretary Pete Hegseth ordered the Navy to, quote, kill them all after the first strike.

週四，《華盛頓郵報》刊登了一篇重磅報導，講述了政府在九月首次轟炸一艘據稱是運毒船的事件。據《郵報》消息人士透露，皮特·海格塞斯部長命令海軍，引述的話是，「殺光他們」，在第一次打擊之後。

現場無人機畫面顯示有兩名倖存者。

So the commander overseeing the operation then ordered a second strike to comply with Hegseth's directive, killing both survivors.

是以，負責這次行動的指揮官下令進行第二次打擊，以遵守海格塞斯的訓示，殺死了兩名倖存者。

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川普的假期撈錢術！公開核磁共振結果！總統不下班運動？「全部殺光」！ (Trump's Holiday Cash Grab | Release The MRI Results | The President Won't Exercise | "Kill Them All")

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