(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Yeah, you did.

一定有吧！

Thank you for putting your hand up over there.

謝謝你們如此誠實

Well, I'm here to provide you with

讓我為你們這些猥褻的白日夢

some biological validation

提供一些

for your sordid daydreams.

生物學上的證據

I'm here to tell you a few things

讓我告訴你們一些

that you might not have known about wild sex.

你們可能不知道的野生動物性事

Now, when humans think about sex,

當人類想到性

male and female forms

我們很自然想到

are generally what come to mind,

男女身體特徵

but for many millions of years,

但是數百萬年來

such specific categories didn't even exist.

這麼明顯的區別並不存在

Sex was a mere fusion of bodies

性就是身體融合

or a trickle of DNA

或是兩個、兩個以上的

shared between two or more beings.

遺傳物質交換

It wasn't until about 500 million years ago

直到 5 億年前

that we start to see structures akin to a penis

我們才看到近似陰莖

or a thing that gives DNA out,

或給予遺傳物質器官的出現

and a vagina, something that receives it.

和陰道或其他相似的接收結構

Now invariably, you're probably thinking about

你們難免會想

what belongs to our own species,

我們自己人類的構造

these very familiar structures,

我們看到動物世界中的

but the diversity that we see in sexual structures

生殖器官

in the animal kingdom that has evolved

這些相似但多樣的構造

in response to the multitude of factors

反應了關於生殖繁衍的

surrounding reproduction

諸多因素

is pretty mind-blowing.

實在很令人驚嘆

Penile diversity is especially profuse.

陰莖結構特別多樣

So this is a paper nautilus.

這是一隻船蛸

It's a close relative of squid and octopus,

是烏賊和章魚近親

and males have a hectocotylus.

雄性個體具有交接腕

Just what is a hectocotylus?

什麼是交接腕呢？

A detachable, swimming penis.

是一個可分離 會游泳的陰莖

It leaves the [body of the male],

它可以脫離雄性個體

finds the female through pheromonal cues in the water,

借由水中的費洛蒙找到雌性

attaches itself to her body

再將自己結合上去

and deposits the sperm.

輸送精子

For many decades, biologists actually felt

數十年來 生物學家甚至認為

that the hectocotylus was a separate organism altogether.

交接腕是個獨立的個體

Now, the tapir is a mammal from South America.

貘是以種來自南非的哺乳類

And the tapir has a prehensile penis.

貘俱有有抓握能力的陰莖

It actually has a level of dexterity in its penis

牠陰莖靈巧的程度

much akin to what we have with our hands.

大概和我們的手一般

And it uses this dexterity

而牠用這份靈巧

to bypass the vagina altogether

穿過陰道

and deposit sperm directly into the female's uterus,

將精子直接 送到雌性的子宮

not to mention it's a pretty good size.

更別說牠的尺寸雄偉

The biggest penis in the animal kingdom,

但是動物界中最大的陰莖

however, is not that of the tapir.

並不是貘的

The biggest penis-to-body-size ratio

在動物界中

in the animal kingdom actually belongs

陰莖佔體型比例最大的

to the meager beach barnacle,

是窄灘藤壺

and this video is actually showing you

而這段影片可以告訴你

what the human penis would look like

當人類與藤壺體積相等時

if it were the same size as that of a barnacle.

陰莖的相對大小

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Mm-hm. (Laughter)

嗯 (笑聲)

So with all of this diversity in structure,

對於如此多樣的結構

one might think, then, that penises

有人可能認為

are fitting neatly into vaginas all over the place

為了成功繁衍後代

for the purposes of successful reproduction.

陰莖可以完美地 與不同陰道結合

Simply insert part A into slot B,

直接將突出物 A 插入插槽 B

and we should all be good to go.

然後一切就完美了

But of course, that doesn't exactly happen,

但是事實並非如此

and that's because we can't just take form into account.

因為在談論性時

We have to think about function as well,

我們不能只考慮形態

and when it comes to sex,

也必須考慮功能

function relates to the contributions made

功能對配子的投資有關

by the gametes, or the sperm and the eggs.

配子就是精子或卵子

And these contributions are far from equal.

而兩份投資程度極不均等

Eggs are very expensive to make,

製造卵子代價昂貴

so it makes sense for females to be very choosy

所以雌性在選擇對象時

about who she shares them with.

會十分謹慎

Sperm, on the other hand, is abundant and cheap,

另一方面，精子量多且成本低廉

so it makes more sense for males

所以對雄性而言

to have a more-sex-is-better strategy

越頻繁的性交

when it comes to siring members

對傳宗接代

of future generations.

是最好的策略

So how do animals cope

所以動物們如何調和

with these very incongruent needs between the sexes?

不同性別對性交的要求？

I mean, if a female doesn't choose a particular male,

我的意思是， 如果雌性不需要選擇雄性

or if she has the ability to store sperm

或是牠有能力儲存精子

and she simply has enough,

而且也存夠了

then it makes more sense for her to spend her time

對牠而言， 合理的選擇是將時間花在

doing other biologically relevant things:

進行其他生理活動：

avoiding predators, taking care of offspring,

躲避敵害、育幼

gathering and ingesting food.

搜集並消化食物

This is, of course, bad news for any male

當然，這對沒有將 精子存入的雄性而言

who has yet to make a deposit in her sperm bank,

會是一個壞消息

and this sets the scene for some pretty drastic strategies

現在想像一個

for successful fertilization.

為了成功受孕的極端策略

This is bedbug sex,

臭蟲的性交

and it's aptly termed traumatic insemination.

可以恰當地稱為「創傷式受精」

Males have a spiked, barbed penis

雄性有尖銳、帶刺的陰莖

that they literally stab into the female,

可以真正刺進雌性體內

and they don't stab it anywhere near her vagina.

而牠們並不是刺在陰道附近

They stab it anywhere in her body,

而是雌性身體的任一地方

and the sperm simply migrates

而精子則會借由

through her hemolymph to her ovaries.

雌性的血淋巴系統向子宮移動

If a female gets too many stab wounds,

如果雌性受到太多刺傷

or if a stab wound happens to become infected,

或是刺傷造成感染

she can actually die from it.

牠就可能因此死亡

Now if you've ever been out for a nice,

如果你曾經

peaceful walk by the lake

在池邊悠閒地散步

and happened to see some ducks having sex,

並恰巧看到鴨子性交

you've undoubtedly been alarmed,

你一定會十分驚訝

because it looks like gang rape.

因為它看起來就像輪姦一般

And quite frankly, that's exactly what it is.

而事實就是如此

A group of males will grab a female,

一群雄性會抓住一隻雌性

hold her down,

壓制牠

and ballistically ejaculate their spiral-shaped penis

將牠們螺旋形的陰莖

into her corkscrew-shaped vagina

輪流插入

over and over and over again.

雌性螺旋狀的陰道中

From flaccid to ejaculation in less than a second.

從開始到射精不到一秒的時間

Now the female actually gets the last laugh, though,

但是雌性有最後的選擇

because she can actually manipulate her posture

因為雌性可以調整姿勢

so as to allow the sperm of certain suitors

所以中意追求者的精子

better access to her ovaries.

有更好的機會靠近子宮

Now, I like to share stories like this with my audiences

我希望跟你們 分享這些故事的原因

because, yeah, we humans,

是因為我們人類

we tend to think sex, sex is fun, sex is good,

傾向將性交 聯想成好玩、有趣

there's romance, and there's orgasm.

有浪漫與有高潮

But orgasm didn't actually evolve

但是高潮是在

until about 65 million years ago

在 6 千 5 百萬年前

with the advent of mammals.

隨著哺乳動物演化後才出現的

But some animals had it going on quite a bit before that.

但是有些生物開始得更早

There are some more primitive ways

利用原始的方式

of pleasing one's partner.

取悅伴侶

Earwig males have either

地蜈蚣有兩種形態

really large penile appendages

一種有較大的陰莖狀組織

or really small ones.

一種則是縮小版

It's a very simple genetically inherited trait

縮小版是簡單的 遺傳物質傳送通道

and the males are not otherwise any different.

雄性間其他方面沒有不同

Those that have long penile appendages

那些俱有較大陰莖狀組織的

are not bigger or stronger

並非更強壯

or otherwise any different at all.

和其它個體沒有差別

So going back to our biological minds, then,

所以回到我們生物學的思維

we might think that females should choose

我們可能會認為

to have sex with the guys that have the shorter appendages,

雌性會選擇和 陰莖短小的雄性交配

because she can use her time for other things:

所以雌性能將時間花在：

avoiding predators, taking care of young,

躲避天敵、育幼

finding and ingesting food.

找尋並消化食物上

But biologists have repeatedly observed

但是生物學家重複觀察到

that females choose to have sex

雌性會選擇和

with the males that have the long appendages.

陰莖雄偉的雄性性交

Why do they do this?

為什麼要這樣做呢？

Well, according to the biological literature,

根據生物學文獻

"During copulation, the genitalia of certain males

「在交配時，特定雄性的生殖器

may elicit more favorable female responses

可藉由更好的 生理構造或刺激形式

through superior mechanical or stimulatory interaction

帶給雌性生殖道

with the female reproductive tract."

更愉悅的感受」

Mm-hm.

嗯

These are Mexican guppies,

這些是墨西哥大肚魚

and what you see on their upper maxilla

而你們看到牠們上頜骨

is an outgrowth of epidermal filaments,

有上外生長的表皮纖維

and these filaments basically form

這些纖維基本上就是

a fish mustache, if you will.

魚的鬍子

Now males have been observed to prod

我們觀察到

the female's genital opening

雄魚會在交配前

prior to copulating with her,

會刺激雌魚生殖道口

and in what I have lovingly termed the Magnum, P.I. hypothesis,

這被我稱作「神探猛龍假說」 （註：神探猛龍主角以鬍子、風流著稱）

females are overwhelmingly more likely to be found

雌魚顯然會偏好

with males that have these fish mustaches.

有鬍子的雄魚

A little guppy porn for you right there.

真是隻好色的小魚

So we've seen very different strategies

我們看到了不同

that males are using when it comes to

雄性贏得

winning a female partner.

雌性伴侶的策略

We've seen a coercion strategy in which sexual structures are used in a forceful way

我們看到以強制的手段

to basically make a female have sex.

迫使雌性就範

We've also seen a titillation strategy

我們也看到令人愉悅的策略

where males are actually

雄性是利用

pleasing their female partners into choosing them

取悅雌性的方式

as a sex partner.

使其成為性伴侶

Now unfortunately, in the animal kingdom,

不幸的是在動物界中

it's the coercion strategy that we see

強迫的手段

time and time again.

非常常見

It's very common in many phyla,

爲許多門動物所共有

from invertebrates to avian species,

從無脊椎動物到鳥類

mammals, and, of course, even in primates.

哺乳類，甚至靈長類

Now interestingly, there are a few mammalian species

有趣的是少數哺乳動物

in which females have evolved specialized genitalia

雌性會演化出特殊的生殖系統

that doesn't allow for sexual coercion to take place.

防止霸王硬上弓發生

Female elephants and female hyenas

雌性的大象和土狼

have a penile clitoris,

有陰莖狀的陰核

or an enlarged clitoral tissue that hangs externally,

或可說是膨大的陰核結構

much like a penis,

像陰莖一般懸在外面

and in fact it's very difficult to sex these animals

這讓動物很難只藉由

by merely looking at their external morphology.

觀察外表就判定性別

So before a male can insert his penis into a female's vagina,

所以在雄性可以 將其陰莖深入雌性陰道前

she has to take this penile clitoris

雌性必須將陰莖狀的陰核

and basically inside-out it in her own body.

向內收入自己體內

I mean, imagine putting a penis into another penis.

想像將陰莖置入另一個陰莖

It's simply not going to happen

這根本不可能發生

unless the female is on board with the action.

除非雌性先進行這個動作

Now, even more interesting is the fact

更有趣的事

that elephant and hyena societies

大象和土狼的社會

are entirely matriarchal:

是母系社會

they're run by females, groups of females,

牠們是由一群雌性管理

sisters, aunts and offspring,

姐妹、阿姨和小孩們

and when young males attain sexual maturity,

當年輕雄性達到性成熟

they're turfed out of the group.

牠們會被逐出群體

In hyena societies, adult males

在土狼社會中， 成年雄性的地位

are actually the lowest on the social scale.

在社會最底層

They can take part in a kill only after

牠們只能在 其他個體之後分食獵物

everybody else, including the offspring.

順序甚至在幼獸之後

So it seems that when you take the penis power

這好像就是從雄性上

away from a male,

拿走了陰莖所代表的力量

you take away all the social power he has.

就拿走了牠們所有的社會地位

So what are my take-home messages from my talk today?

所以我想讓你們學到什麼呢？

Well, sex is just so much more

性不只是

than insert part A into slot B

將突出物 A 插入插槽 B

and hope that the offspring run around everywhere.

然後期待會有活蹦亂跳的後代

The sexual strategies and reproductive structures

我們在動物界中看到

that we see in the animal kingdom basically

生殖策略與結構

dictate how males and females will react to each other,

主宰了雄性與雌性的互動

which then dictates how populations and societies

也決定了族群與社會的

form and evolve.

形成與演進

So it may not be surprising to any of you

所以包含我們在內的許多動物

that animals, including ourselves,

花許多時間思考性事

spend a good amount of time thinking about sex,

這一點也不令人訝異了

but what might surprise you is the extent to which

但是可能讓你們驚訝的

so many other aspects of their lives and our lives

性是如何影響到

are influenced by it.

我們和牠們的其他生活層面

So thank you, and happy daydreaming.

謝謝大家 祝各位有個愉快的白日夢

(Applause)

(掌聲)